In the beginning there was Super Smash Bros., a fighting organization starring video game mascots. It was held underground for several years before a TV deal was reached. From there it lasted just under a year before they were scheduled to host a mega PPV called Smash-A-Mania. It never took place and SSB disappeared from television. Princess Peach, a former competitor relaunched it as Super Smash Bros. Brawl with very little changes from the original brand other than her being the general manager. After some lackluster sales and attendance numbers she decided to end it with a mega PPV of her own called The Battle of New Pork City.

Shortly following "Brawl" closing down Bowser purchased the rights of the company from Peach and started his own version called Koopa All-Stars. He streamlined nearly everything, only focusing on a single title and the weekly TV show (no PPVs). It was a commercial and ratings success including a crossover with another fighting company and several tournaments during it's run.

When Donkey Kong was the champion he arrogantly issued five open contracts to be placed "in the wild" as title shots for anyone outside the company. He defeated three of them before losing the title to Pikachu. Pikachu has ruled over the company since defeating all of the major players. During his reign Luigi and Mega Man were engaging in a Best of Five Series with the loser of each previous match choosing the stipulation for the next encounter. After losing the fourth match to Mega Man (bringing it to a 2-2 tie) Luigi suggested they make it a triple threat with Pikachu. Bowser decided it would be more interesting if the title was on the line for his historic 10th title defense (DK had previously set the record at 9 successful defenses).

The match was set for episode 90, but before the match could begin Peach interrupted them. She had in her possession one of the final 2 open contracts that DK created. She noted it did not specify they were for matches against DK and had Bowser's signature at the bottom, so they were valid. She said she was cashing in her shot that night. Finding her crusade against him hilarious and given her current win-loss record Bowser decided the match was now a Free-For-All with Pikachu defending against Luigi, Mega Man AND Peach. Peach outlasted them all and shocked everyone by becoming the 6th NGP Champion.

Peach took to the mic from there and revealed her master plan. She debuted in the company during the last Best of the Best Tournament with the intention of destroying it from within since it was doing better than her company had. She had the contract the whole time and was waiting for the right moment to take the belt. She tossed it on the ground and stomped on it, saying she is quitting Koopa All-Stars and starting back up Super Smash Bros., this time known as Super Smash Bros. Ultimate. She was also taking the belt with her and if anyone wants it they can come and get it in SSBU. Before leaving the arena she said Bowser is welcome to try and take it back from her because she knows he won't crown a fake champion so long as she has his belt.

NOW this feels like Fan Fiction.

It also feels a little like 2010.

A podium was seen standing in front of a backdrop with the new SSB Ultimate logo on it. Various members of the media were in attendance for the press conference including the Fire Flower Network, the former home of Koopa All-Stars. Since episode 90 there have not been any new episodes and Koopa World has yet to release any sort of statement, nor have they acknowledged any rumors. The upcoming event is being hosted by Princess Peach herself to address the future of her new company and what is next in the Super Smash Bros. universe. After a short amount of time a lone Toad wearing a business suit that made him look like a boy playing dress up using his Dad's clothes approached the podium. Hundreds of flashes were seen and heard, but no one could see him because he was too short to reach the mic. Eventually several Goombas came to the rescue and offered him a boost.

Toad: *ahem* Thank you all for coming to this special event where we discuss the future of Super Smash Bros. Ultimate. I have been told that I can answer five unique questions from the press, after which the Princess will come out and close out the conference by saying what she needs to say. I'm sure everyone is aware that SSB is back and will debut in a matter of weeks. We have reached an agreement with Isle Delfino Station (IDS) and will have a weekly televised show simply called "Ultimate" along with quarterly specials. There's going to be a lot of changes if you you're only familiar with the former company and are a newer fan that didn't get to experience the previous Smash Bros. companies, so why not take this time to answer our first question, yes?

The camera moved to the press side where a Koopa Troopa with a clipboard was standing by.

Koopa: Thank you for taking this time to speak with us. As someone who followed all the companies very closely I'm a little confused how Ultimate could even be happening. Didn't the Princess sign over all the rights to Bowser before he started his company? Sounds to me like legally SSB Ultimate can't actually exist. At least not under that name and not featuring any alumni of Koopa All-Stars.

Toad: Excellent question, generic looking level one enemy! It's true on the surface it seems Ultimate cannot exist. But at the same time did you actually have a chance to look over the so-called "contract" that Bowser signed that gave him the SSB name? Because I sure didn't. If the Princess says she's starting over, I believe she's starting over. There are just some things we weren't meant to understand. I mean, how exactly does a Fire Flower produce fire? How exactly does DK's Banana Hoard stay fresh tucked away in some cave? How exactly does the posi trac on the rear end of the Blue Falcon work? It just does. Next question. Make it a good one please!

A Waddle Dee approached the mic next.

Waddle Dee: Just wanna say I'm very excited for the new company, but I do have a question. How will SSB Ultimate differ from All-Stars? The Princess invited everyone to challenge her, so won't it be more of the same just under her umbrella?

Toad: It's actually called a parasol. Common misconception. I take it you must be a new fan because it was Super Smash Bros. that came first. So if anything the other company was just recycling everything we did. But I'll go ahead and tell you how it'll be different. We're going back to basics. No more three lives in a match. Each match, unless it's been decided beforehand, will be a one stock match. There will also be time limits. Weapons will only be supplied on an as-needed basis. We're going back to treating it like a sport. We're introducing a points system and bringing back something that was truly unique to SSB and that is a Team Division, complete with brand spanking new titles. We also have a new commentary team ready for when we debut. It will consist of myself and former SSB competitor, Tails. Next question!

A sad looking Boo approached next.

Totally Not King Boo: Everything sounded great until that last part. You said everyone was invited back, but clearly not everyone. Tails? YOU? Why not the commentary master, King Boo himself? I was always a big fan of Peach's even in Koopa All-Stars. Yet she didn't offer me a spot at the table. Wassupwitdat?

Toad: Like it or not my friend you are basically the poster boy for Koopa All-Stars. The last thing the Princess wants is for people to confuse the two companies because when they see your mug they instantly think of All-Stars. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if she bleeps out the company's name once this gets posted to our streaming site. Please have a seat sir, don't make me get the vacuum. Two more questions before it's time to bring out the champion. How about you, the heavy-set guy in the back?

The big guy walked past the the mic and headed towards the podium. Toad asked him to please stay behind the line, but he didn't listen because it was Bowser himself. He knocked over the podium and grabbed Toad by the throat. The rest of the press stood back and continued to take snapshots of the encounter.

Toad: You're hurting me. You really didn't have to get this close. Our mics are working just fine...

Bowser: This is not happening. PPVs? Team Division? None of that is happening. You have something that belongs to me and I'm taking it back. I'm not leaving empty handed.

Toad: You're not gonna get away with this. She won the title fair and square! We haven't established our points system yet, but I know she wanted a big sell for our debut episode so I got one for you.

Bowser: I'm listening.

Toad: You can't just take the belt back. What are you gonna do... put it back on Pikachu? Consider it vacated? Nobody is gonna buy your champion unless they take it from her. You have to beat her for it in a real match. So how about this for the main event. Peach will defend the title against you, King Koopa. If you wanna do something right you gotta do it yourself. Sounds good? Now please put me down.

Bowser: Ya know what? I like it. Last time she held a show under the SSB name I had a match and won, so now I'll put her out of business twice and take back my championship.

Bowser then tossed Toad towards the group of photographers. Luckily for him their bodies broke his fall. As Bowser stormed out of the building King Boo hovered over Toad and told him that's what he gets for not picking him. The press soon left as well to try and get a word in with Bowser. A few minutes later Peach walked out, expecting the questions to be over with, and looked on in shock as the podium was destroyed and Toad lying motionless in a sea of folding chairs.

This time around a long table was seen with three championship belts encased in glass sitting on top in front of the SSB logo. The media was once again invited to another press conference for the upcoming Super Smash Bros. Ultimate. Tails came out from the back and sat behind the table and pressed a button on a remote as he was seated. The ceiling tiles above him opened up and several Ray Guns pointed towards the media as they gasped in a panic.

Tails: Not to worry everyone, you're in no danger so long as you stay where you are. Last time around we had more excitement than we bargained for, so I'm taking some precautions. I'm here today to explain in details what you can expect from the new company and all that. We're going back to basics and each match will only have one life. Whoever falls off first is the loser. Regular matches are under a 5-minute time limit with title matches getting 20. Speaking of which, how do you like these new belts?

The camera zoomed in on the championships, noticeably the SSB Championship as it already had Peach's name on it.

Tails: Toad mentioned a Team Division and that's going to be something that separates Ultimate from everything else you see nowadays. If you miss that part from Brawl and enjoy a more cluster[beep] battle, you're in for a treat. And of course the main title in the company, the champion of all of SSB. As you can see Peach has already claimed that one, but the Team Championships are up for grabs.

Tails placed his arm over the SSB Championship case and directed the camera to the background, which now had several bullet points.

Tails: In Ultimate we are once again establishing a "points system", which is something we've done since the beginning. It's very simple. Everyone starts out with nothing. You win a match, you get a point. You lose a match, you lose a point. None of that complicated and unnecessary "take their points" with a win garbage. You cannot go in the negatives, so not to worry there. But if you're stuck at zero forever why are you even here?

Tails slid the championship to the center of the table to put it in the spotlight.

Tails: To qualify for a shot you need to have 5 points. Once you get the right amount your title match will be penciled in for the following show. If more than one fighter qualifies... it becomes a bigger match. Yes, if 20 of you guys have enough points all of you will challenge. We may need a bigger arena. To prevent the same old matches from happening all the time we have decided to give the champion a certain advantage during their reign. Once you've defended against someone they can no longer challenge you via a points cash-in. Or I should say you are under no obligation to face them. Now you can if you want, but we feel if you've beaten them than you've beaten them. There is one exception.

Tails reached behind the table and tossed a Smash Ball into the air.

Tails: That my friends is a Smash Ball. It will randomly pop up in matches. If you see it, you should pop it. It may take one hit, it may take 20. It's completely random. Whoever pops it gets an automatic championship match of their choosing. You must use it within 30 days of claiming it and it has to be announced in advance. If you fail to use it in that time frame the Smash Ball goes back in the wild, the same as if it was used. I should stress that the Smash Ball may disappear before it's popped, so don't hesitate to give it a whack when you see it. It will also have no bearing on the match at hand. Just because you have it in your possession does not mean the match stops. You can still win and earn points. Now for the champion's "disadvantage". They must defend the title once every 30 days. No exceptions.

Tails pressed a button on his remote and the Ray Guns zapped the Smash Ball out of existence.

Tails: Not every 30 days. The title has to be defended at minimum at least once. So if for whatever reason no one has the points, no one has used the Smash Ball and we don't have a tournament or anything, it is up to the champion to name a contender. As long as they aren't trying to get an easy defense out of it, it's up to them. Want to come in first in a gauntlet match for the title? Go for it, dude. Want to have a 2/3 Falls Match with each fall being the best score in an hour? I mean, that sounds super hard... but okay. So that's the basics for the SSB Championship. You earn a shot with 5 points, Smash Ball and the 30-Day Rule. Should we discuss the Team Championship as they are not the same rules except for the Smash Ball. If you want to use it for the Team Championships you can. Even if you don't currently have a partner!

Tails placed the other belts up front for the camera.

Tails: These bad boys are going to be a little different. In order to challenge you need only 3 points, seeing as there's gonna be twice as many people involved in the match. And since teams are likely to qualify quicker than the other title, there's no 30-Day Rule. That said, if no one has challenged you are more than welcome to issue open challenges and [beep]. Here's where things get really interesting. You can call it another champion's disadvantage if you want. The challengers gets to pick the match. Any match that's possible in SSB Ultimate is at your disposal. War Games? Pokeball on a Pole? Infinite Green Shells? Whatever you want. The only exception is you cannot repeat the match chosen by a previous challenger. If the current champs already defended under a certain match you have to pick something else. But if that match happened with a different set of champions, go for it.

The camera zoomed in on the Team Championships where the nameplates were, showing they were blank.

Tails: Right now the titles are vacant. We do have several teams lined up, so there's no stressing lack of competition. Rather than hosting a generic tournament to crown the first we are simply going to have our inaugural champs be the first team to qualify for a title shot. Whoever gets to 3-points first wins! Hopefully teams don't keep losing after two victories!

Tails pressed another button and this time a claw from the ceiling reached down and grabbed the belts.

Tails: Thanks for joining me today. Next week we'll have our final conference. Hopefully Toad will have fully recovered by then. We'll announce more matches for our debut show along with who has signed and what not. Right now the only thing set in stone in Peach versus Bowser for the title. See you dorks next week.

The final image shown was that of the SSB logo before fading to black.

SSB CHAMPIONSHIP

- Via 5 Pts. Cash-In
- Defended once every 30 days (if no one has challenged, the champion decides who to challenge)
- If you fail to win the title the champion is not required to defend a second time regardless of points. Smash Ball is the only loophole.

TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP

- Via 3 Pts. Cash-In
- No 30-day rule
- Title matches always have unique stipulations chosen by the challengers

SMASH BALL

- Randomly appears
- Claiming it grants you a temporary (30 day) future title shot
- Can be used for either title

I'm going to assume I meant this in the most complimentary way possible at the time.

We were still young in the migration to New PW, I was facing an unwanted-at-the-time relocation to Boston, and think I wanted desperately for any nostalgia trip back to the good old days... Which at this point, 2010 would've likely been considered the good old days.

BUT...

If you really want, I'll gladly carve a notch for SSBU next to shinobimusashi and @cerealkiller in my belt.

Aw what the fuck. I thought this was coming back.