Round 2

NESS

NESS PRESENTS
Who Wants to be King in the North?

The Ever Evolving Story...

Ever the humble God Emperor, Trump celebrated his victory with dignity and class. The pieces of not-a-planet Pluto lingered in the air (space... atmosphere... WHO CARES!) as Trump contemplated his next move. Magee was not having it and refused to be one-upped by the President. He wanted a rematch. But he had nothing to offer. Or so Trump thought.

Magee: Before you get Border Control on the line, have you considered maybe you're doing it all wrong?

Trump: I've only been wrong once in my life Tom. That one time where I thought I wasn't right.

Magee: The Wall. I don't disagree with it. But you're thinking of the wrong border. How about you try looking up!

*Trump literally stares at the ceiling*

Magee: I mean North. Canada. Can you imagine how many dirty Maplebacks have crossed the border since they knew your eyes were on Mexico? Now's the time to strike.

Trump: So you're saying you want to round up the Snow Beaners?

Magee: No, I simply want to be King in the North. If I win, I rule over Canada as the Governor of the 51st state (it's gonna be a big one) and I try to rebuild the pieces of Pluto. If you win, you can build the wall over Canada.

Trump: I already have the Wall ready. What's to stop me from just building the Wall anyways?

Magee: You have tiny hands. And Trudeau slept with your daughter!

Trump: I WILL KILL YOU! DO YOU HEAR ME? I WILL DEFINITELY MAKE YOU DIE! None of this points garbage. You and I are gonna have a match in the main event. We'll have other matches too, but it's on. Prepare for Operation Final Solution!

Bottomless Pit Tornado Tag Match
Team Happy Ending (Paige & TAKA Michinoku) vs. Team Ness Kicked My Ass in Round 1 (Brutus "the Barber" Beefcake & The Iron Sheik)

Despite losing the tag match at the previous show Paige and TAKA are teaming up again. And not because at the end of the day they were forgotten about and needed to fill spots or anything. They will go toe-to-toe with the unlikely team of Beefcake and Sheiky Baby. This match is Tornado Tag rules. That means no tags are necessary. You know why? Because it's taking place in a bottomless pit. Once the bell rings the ring... heh, falls from the arena and continues to do so until one team is fully eliminated. You are removed from the match if you are pinned or tap out. Or I suppose you starve to death as that's the only way to die in a bottomless pit. I consider that a submission though. Ha ha ha... shut up.

Battle of the Blondes
Genie's Last Wish
Charlotte Flair vs. Toni Storm

A main roster dream match for sure. Charlotte's name got her to the top and her talent has kept her there, although I'm sure nepotism would ensure she hangs on even if she was awful, sorta like a piece of popcorn caught between your teeth and you can't seem to get it out no matter what. When you finally get to the bathroom for some floss you manage to get it loose with your tongue before you even use it. Like why? What was I talked about? Oh yeah, this match. In a change of pace from the last one this one takes place in the clouds. Both blondes will do battle on a magic carpet flying above the arena. If Toni wins she remains Ness' Bottom Bitch in the Waifu Workshop. If Charlotte wins she gets to not only join the harem, but take Toni's spot. The loser... has to eat one of Eddie Murphy's Mom's House Burgers. Well, assuming they survive flying off a magic carpet!

Three Stages of Hell (AKA 2/3 Falls with Spicy Stank)
Fergus "System" Ferguson vs. Tetsuya Naito

Ferguson is on his retirement tour. It has the potential to be up to four matches. Unlike Flair it does not end if he loses a match... just the guy writing this crap. This is no doubt a dream match for everyone that is reading this. Two in one card? Can you handle that? This match is a best of 3 falls. First fall is your run-of-the-mill dog collar match. Nothing too fancy. Pretty standard really. Second fall is a King of the Mountain Lite match. Only after securing a pinfall or submission can you hang the briefcase over the top with a ladder. Should it be necessary the third and deciding fall will be a BAREFOOT LEGO PIECE DEATH MATCH. That's right, I said it. Will they have anything left? Will System survive for a third match or will this be the end of his retirement tour? Guess it's up to you and I'm talking to you PW Poster. Do you hate System so much that you'd vote for Kid? Shame on you!

System - good luck bruddah.

Worse Than Death
Jon Moxley vs. Luke Harper

This match may have the most dire of consequences and if you've been following along Canada's future as a sovereign nation is also on the line, so that says something. Mox is living his best life and looks like he's just been released from prison. Luke Harper wants in on that, but only one of them can continue to be free. Who wants it more? Harper is like a married man seeing his bachelor buddies from college go out drinking while he has to attend to a Honey Do List from a harpy wife who won't even give him a blowjob on his birthday. And he sees Moxley, who not only was used but managed to escape the system. An escaped slave with news of freedom! Moxley and Harper will do battle in a falls count anywhere match. If Harper wins he is finally granted a release, but if he loses another 6 years are added to his sentence. The same goes for Moxley. If he wins, he gets to stay free as a bird. But if he loses, he has to come back to the Evil Empire and participate in even more SHIELD reunions. And to make matters worse it takes place in the most dangerous place on Earth... Martin Luther King Jr. Blvd. In what city you ask? Does it matter?

Why Tho?
Brock Lesnar vs. Dragon Dragon

Brock Lesnar is a known hunter. It's a passion of his. Dragon Dragon proved it was also one of his hobbies when he bit Monty Brown's head off. Time for the ultimate battle to find out who is the superior hunter. This is another hunt that takes places in a Labyrinth because why not? But not just any... this maze is created out of yellow pieces of candy. Starburst, skittles, peanut m&ms, etc. Because nobody likes lemon flavors. Match only stops when someone dies. Does Dragon Dragon's streak continue or does Brock pull one out of Summerslam like when he F5'd a shark? We shall see. My bet's on Sable's children living the rest of their lives without a father...

Elimination Chamber
Tessa Blanchard vs. WALTER vs. Stephen Amell vs. Sean O'Haire vs. The Strangler vs. Killer Kelly

An old classic with a tweeest. Two start out. Every 5 minutes a random participant enters the match. You are eliminated from the chamber if you are pinned or submitted. The match is a little different. The area outside the ring between the pods is no longer part of the chain-link fence. No it's ocean water. Know why? Because sharks are swimming in it. Not just any sharks, but sharks with frickin' laser beams attached to their heads. You're safe as long as you're inside the pod, mostly. I'm sure they'll be fine. Might not wanna be sitting in the front row is all I'm saying.

FINAL SOLUTION MATCH
Donald Trump vs. Tom Magee

It's time for the main event. But before I do that, if you're wondering where Meiko is at. Well, she's stuck in catering because there's an odd number of wrestlers I'm working with after Monty's death. I didn't feel like shoe-horning her into a match triple threat style. So yeah, she's being wasted much like both of our time having read this! Trump and Magee for the future of Canada. Trump wins and the Wall goes in front of Canada and it becomes a bitch coming back to the states from weekends at Canada's Wonderland and legal weed. If Magee wins Canada joins the union and forces everyone to add another star to the flag. That or it merges with Alaska and we slowly reform the Supercontinent, Pangea. Oh yeah, this match takes place in the sky above Saskatchewan because they're fighting in giant robot suits. Because of course they are. I think Magee's skull is going to be part of the wall if Trump wins. Did you know Saskatchewan is the 6th most-populous province/territory? Not for long.

++++++++++++++++++++

THE KID

IN YOUR HOUSE

Now

    Everyone
 Shall 
Suffer

*LIVE from HOLLYWOOD!*

"YOU WANT TO PLAY A GAME?!"

"GUESS WHO I AM?!"

*CHAIR SHOT TO BILL GOLDBERG!

1 TIME!

2 TIMES!

3 TIMES!

4 TIMES!

5 TIMES!

6 TIMES!

7 TIMES!

8 TIMES!

9 TIMES!

10 TIMES!

WHO IS THIS MASKED MAN?!*

"TIMES UP!




GAME OVER!




IT'S ME!"

"DO I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION NOW?!

GOOD!

MY NAME IS "ROWDY" RODDY PIPER AND I AM YOUR FEATURED PRESENTATION!

YOU MIGHT KNOW ME FROM MY LAST ACT!

THE PAID PIPER!

THEY CALLED IT A BLOODY AMAZING PERFORMANCE!"

"Oh, was that your hero?

DID YOU BELIEVE IN YOUR HERO?!

DID YOU NOT BELIEVE ME?!



DID I NOT TELL YOU I WAS HERE TO RID THE CITY OF RATS?!

DO YOU BELIEVE ME NOW?

GOOD!"

"BECAUSE FOR MY NEXT ACT;



ANOTHER RAT, ANOTHER QUOTE UNQUOTE HERO



MUST PAY THE PIED PIPER!



IT IS TIME TO CONQUER



THE UNCONQUERABLE!"

....

"WHAT IS THE DEFINITION OF A 'CONQUEROR'?

'A PERSON WHO CONQUERS A PLACE OR PEOPLE.'

I AM A CONQUEROR.



I AM YOUR CONQUEROR!

I AM BILL GOLDBERG!"

Roddy Piper- "I am the director of this film! I choose the way this story goes. This is your scene, Billy Boy! Get in the spotlight, because Goldberg; you're next for your close up!"

Bill Goldberg- "ROWDY RODDY PIPER!"

Roddy Piper- "AND IN CASE YOU HAVEN'T BEEN PAYING ATTENTION...."

Bill Goldberg- "YOU'RE NEXT!"

Roddy Piper- "THIS STORY DOES NOT HAVE A HAPPY ENDING!"




MAIN EVENT
BILL GOLDBERG
vs
"ROWDY" RODDY PIPER




....






"BLOOD."













"SWEAT."













"TEARS."












"GLORY."











"A CHAMPION."










"YET DECEITFUL."










"SPITEFUL."










"LIVING FOR THE SPOTLIGHT."








"ALWAYS BEING WATCHED."












"And everything you have ever done has brought you here."
















"TO ME."























"It's time."




FIRST TIME EVER:
"HBK" Shawn Michaels
vs
STING






....






*PRESS CONFERENCE*




"Ladies and gentlemen, we are all here tonight for one reason. Because tonight, we are here to welcome a man who if we're being honest; should've been here from the start! We are here to welcome the newest member of the roster. We are here to welcome a man who has won 7 World Champions and 23 champions over all. He is The Phenomenal One! He is A! J! STYLES!"











Interviewer: "AJ, it is a pleasure to have you here."


AJ Styles- "It's a pleasure being here. It honestly feels like it was meant to be."


Interviewer: "It certainly feels that way. It certainly is the most exciting signing that's taken place anywhere! I said it before, but I'll repeat myself. You are a 7 time World Champion. You have held gold for an unbelievable total of 23 times. People have called you the greatest wrestler of all time! And on this roster, I see several match ups for you that would qualify as 'dream matches'! Is there any opponent in particular that you would love to start your career off with here? There's got to be one."


AJ Styles- "I think we all know that answer."


Interviewer: "We would love to hear it from you. Say the name and make it official! Say the name and...."




CHAOS!



AJ STYLES IS ATTACKED FROM BEHIND!



PUNCHES, KICKS AND IS FINISHED OFF WITH A SPINEBUSTER THROUGH THE CONFERENCE TABLE!



THE ATTACKER STANDS UP AND IT'S....











Owen Hart- "SAY THE NAME, AJ! SAY THE NAME!"




STOMP! STOMP! STOMP! STOMP!




Owen Hart- "HOW ABOUT YOU? YOU WANT TO SAY THE NAME?!"



Owen Hart leaps off the stage and walks over to the interviewer and grabs him by his tie. The choking Owen causes with the tie forces the interviewer down to his knees.



Owen Hart- "SAY THE NAME!"


Interviewer- "I... I...."


Owen Hart- "WHERE'S MY PRESS CONFERENCE?! HUH?! WHERE'S MY INTRODUCTION?! SAY MY NAME! SAY.... MY.... NAME!"


Interviewer- "Oh.... Owen.... Owen Hart."


Owen Hart- "THAT'S RIGHT! THAT'S THE NAME! THE NAME IS OWEN.... HART! AND I AM...."










Owen Hart- "THE BEST THERE EVER WILL BE! I'M TIRED OF THE IGNORANCE! I'M TIRED OF THE DISRESPECT! I STAND IN NOBODIES SHADOW! NOT ANYMORE! ENOUGH IS ENOUGH AND IT'S TIME FOR A CHANGE!


SO AT IN YOUR HOUSE.... YOU WILL ALL SAY THE NAME! YOU WILL ALL SAY MY NAME!"




....





"TO BE THE BEST."









"YOU WILL HAVE TO MAKE YOUR OPPONENT...."









"SAY IT."



"YOU'RE THE BEST"
I QUIT MATCH
(To win; you must make your opponent say that you're the best)
AJ STYLES
vs
OWEN HART











....











The night of In Your House....


Trish- "What did the doctor say? Anything broken?"


Lita- "They haven't said anything yet, but there is definitely some broken ribs."


Trish- "I'm sorry, but it was either...."


"OH MY GOD! HELLO!"








AJ Lee- "MY IDOLS! I just want to say that it was an honor to be able to watch the two of you wrestle tonight! Now I can always say that I was there the night that Trish Stratus AND Lita had their final encounter! I mean, I've always been a fan and if it wasn't for you two, then I don't know if I ever would have done this!"


Trish- "Thank you."

Lita- "I'm glad to hear that."

AJ Lee- "Did you two get a chance to see my match? I stepped into the ring with The Glamazon and I walked out the winner!"

Lita- "Yeah, congratulations on that. I was rooting for you."

Trish- "Me too. I'm proud of you."

AJ Lee- "Proud of me?! Oh gosh, that's amazing! Listen, I have something I have wanted to give you two for a long time. A gift. Can I give you two a gift?"

Trish- "Awww, you don't have to give us anything."

Lita- "Yeah, seriously. It's fine."

AJ Lee- "No, I have to give it to you. I've wanted to give you two this MY WHOLE LIFE, but I just haven't had the chance and this is the best chance I've ever had and....


YOU KNOW WHAT?!



SURPRISE!"













*BETH PHOENIX GRABS TRISH FROM HER HAIR FROM BEHIND AND JUST FLINGS HER INTO THE WALL!



LITA TURNS AROUND, IN SHOCK, BUT SHE IS GRABBED FROM THE HAIR FROM BEHIND BY AJ LEE, HALTING HER MOVEMENT.



BETH PHOENIX TAKES ADVANTAGE OF THE STUCK LITA AND GIVES HER A HUGE KICK RIGHT TO THE INJURED MID SECTION.



AJ LEE, LIKE A SPIDER, LOCKS IN THE 'BLACK WIDOW' ON LITA.



LITA SCREAMS IN AGONIZING PAIN.



BETH STOMPS DOWN ON TRISH AS TRISH SCREAMS IN AGONIZING PAIN.



AJ LEE AND BETH PHOENIX HAVE JUST TAKEN OUT TRISH AND LITA!







....





AJ Lee- "Hello world. It's us. This is Beth Phoenix, but you can call her The Glamazon!













AJ Lee- "And my name is AJ Lee, but you can call me The Black Widow!"











AJ Lee- "We fought each other at 'In Your House', but that's in the past. You see.... we figured; why fight each other when we can fight together? And if we're going to fight together, why not fight two SPOTLIGHT HOGGING, NO GOOD, HAS BEENS! You see, we had a match and all everyone was talking about was THEIR match! All everyone was talking about was how glorious it was to see Trish Stratus and Lita fight.... one.... more.... time!


So we took the spotlight and we faced it on us!


Because when you put crazy and beast together; you get us. And we are here to end Trish Stratus and Lita for good!"









Trish Stratus- "Beth Phoenix. I brought you into the wrestling world. It was me who hired you. It was me who made you famous. And what did you do? You broke your arm. You failed."







Lita- "AJ Lee; you tried to break me. You put me in a submission. You made me scream. But you know what you didn't do? You didn't finish me. And you're going to wish you did!"









Trish Stratus- "I brought you into this world, Beth and at 'In Your House', WE will take you OUT of this world."


Lita- "You either die an idol.... or you live long enough to get your ass kicked by your idol!"


Trish Stratus- "Beth, AJ; we're coming for revenge."


Lita- "AND REVENGE IS A BITCH!"



TAG TEAM MATCH
TRISH STRATUS & LITA
vs
AJ LEE & BETH PHOENIX






....






*WHAT IS POWER?*












*STRENGTH?




MONEY?




NO.*












*POWER IS POWER*



Shane McMahon- "To earn respect, you must respect the one you are trying to earn it from. Terry, do you think I respect you? If your brain is still screwed up from the beating I gave you, then let me answer that question for you. The answer is NO! I don't respect you. I never respected you. My FAMILY never respected you. My family never respected your family. There's wrestling families all over this business. There's the Rhodes. The Von Erichs. The Harts. Even The Funks. All families, but that's all they are. Just families. But then there is THE FAMILY and THE FAMILY is the McMahon Family!"









Shane McMahon- "We are the family of all families. When the Funks go to the Waffle House, we go to the White House. You want to talk about respect. Do you know what real respect is? Respect is power! Respect is money! Respect is when you are able to have two of the baddest men in the world by your side. Whenever you need them. Wherever you need them. All the respect I ever needed is here with me. Right now."









Shane McMahon- "The proof is in the past. The proof is in the future. The proof is in the present. The proof is in the pockets. The proof is in the name! I am Shane McMahon and that right there is.... POWER!




....




Terry Funk- "COWARD! CHUMP! WIMP! SCUM! Those are the names that describe you! All the stories, all the tales, everything I have ever heard about you were ALL LIES! You're not hardcore! You're not extreme! You're not any different then anyone else that shares the same blood as you! YOU ARE A SNAKE!"








Terry Funk- "It's all you are and it's all you'll ever be! So you hired some guys to do your dirty work, huh? You know what that makes you? A MCMAHON! A running, scared McMahon! You think being a McMahon gets you respect? You know what real respect is? Real respect is when you can walk into the baddest neighborhoods in the world at 2 in the morning and have people cross the street when they see you! Real respect is when they shake your hand to your face and don't wash that hand for a damn month! Real respect is when they tell their children and grandchildren that they got to witness a Terry Funk match! There may have been a time where you were that risk taker, but that time has clearly passed! You are not that person anymore! You know who's never changed? ME! I'm always going to be Terry Fuckin Funk! AND I AIN'T EVER GUNNA CHANGE!"







Terry Funk- "I'm not done with you, Shane! I'm not done with you one bit! So you got yourself two guys to fight for you. Well, guess what? SO HAVE I! I got me two boys who like the same things I like. They like to fight. They like to bleed. They like to set stuff on fire! Yeah, I got me two boys who are just like me! Because these two boys, they love revenge just like me!"







Bubba Ray- "You took our moments, Warriors! You stole our moment! They stole from us, D-Von?"

D-Von- "OH THEY STOLE FROM US ALRIGHT!"

Bubba Ray- "You took a million dollars from our families. Ain't that right, D-Von?"

D-Von- "FROM OUR FAMILIES!"

Bubba Ray- "Well guess what? We're here to take back whats ours. No, you can keep the money. That's not why we're here. We came for something different. We came for revenge! So we challenge the three of you to step into the ring with us three and let's find out who really has all the power! Because once we get our hands on you, the only power you will feel is the power of God striking down on you!"

D-Von- "OH MY BROTHER, TESTIFY!"



....


Road Warrior Hawk- "LOOK WHAT WE GOT! WE GOT THE MILLION DOLLARS!"


Road Warrior Animal- "We tried to tell you! We tried to tell you we were the greatest prize fighters in the world. And in Chicago, we got our million dollars and then some!"


Shane McMahon- "AND THEN SOME!"


Road Warrior Hawk- "You want more of this?"


Road Warrior Animal- "You want more of us?!"


Shane McMahon- "You got it! Bring your tables! Bring your chainsaws! Bring the kitchen sink! The end result will be the exact same as last time. There will be three men screaming and begging for mercy. Then there will be us."


Road Warrior Animal- "There will be carnage!"


Road Warrior Hawk- "There will be blood!"


Road Warrior Animal- "There will be DOOM!"


Road Warrior Hawk- "OHHHHHHH.... WHAT A RUSH!"



SIX MAN TAG MATCH
NO DISQUALIFICATION
SHANE MCMAHON & THE ROAD WARRIORS
vs
TERRY FUNK & THE DUDLEY BOYZ





....



LETTERS FROM JTJ

"DEAR SCOTT,

IF YOU DON'T PAY ME $10,000, I AM GOING TO TAKE YOUR BROTHER!"










LETTERS FROM JTJ

"DEAR SCOTT,

IT'S ME, AGAIN. I'M NOT MESSING AROUND! GIVE ME $10,000 OR I'M GOING TO TAKE YOUR BROTHER!"








LETTERS FROM JTJ

"DEAR JEFF,

YOU KEEP IGNORING MY LETTERS, BUT ALL I SEE IS PICTURES! NO MORE PICTURES! I'M PUTTING YOU ON NOTICE! I WANT MY $10,000 OR I'M GOING TO TAKE YOUR BROTHER! I'M SERIOUSLY SERIOUS!"








LETTERS FROM JTJ

"DEAR JEFF,

THIS IS THE LAST LETTER I'M EVER SENDING YOU! THIS IS YOUR LAST WARNING!

$10,000! NO MORE PICTURES! OR I'M TAKING YOUR BROTHER!"







Scott Steiner- "HEY JEFFREY THE JACKASS! IT'S ME, SCOTT STEINER! 







Scott Steiner- "You want more?!"







Scott Steiner- "HUH? YOU LIKE THAT?! YOU LIKE THIS?!"







Scott Steiner- "THREATEN ME OR MY BROTHER AGAIN AND I WILL SHOW YOU THAT THESE AINT THE ONLY GUNS I GOT! I'M TIRED OF YOUR THREATS! I'M TIRED OF YOUR OBSESSION! I'M TIRED OF YOUR LETTERS! I AM GOING TO KICK YOUR A....




*WOAH, WOAH, WOAH, WOAH!*











Zack Ryder- "Rick! Scott! Is this is what they teach you at Michigan? How to be a BULLY?!"


Scott Steiner- "WHO THE HELL ARE YOU?! WHAT'S ON YOUR NECK?!"


Zack Ryder- "THIS IS CALLED A NECK BRACE! I suffered a broken neck in my WAR at 'In Your House'!


Scott Steiner- "My brother over here has a trachea injury! He can't even speak, but you don't see him wearing no damn brace!"


Zack Ryder- "I'm not going to sit here and be treated like this! I'm not going to stand being bullied! My name is Zack Ryder and I'm the Long Island Iced Z! But you might also know me as the hero to all bullies! But I didn't come alone. No, let me introduce you to my partner. 


HIS NAME IS RYBACK!"






 AND WE ARE THE BULLY PATROL!"



*GRUNT, GRUNT*








Scott Steiner- "Oh you think you got muscles, big fella? CHECK THESE OUT!






Scott Steiner- "WHAT YOU GOT?!"


Ryback- "WHAT DO I GOT?! I GOT THIS!"








Ryback- "AND THIS!"











Scott Steiner- "THAT'S NOTHING! YOU GOT THIS?"











Scott Steiner- "OR THIS?!"









Zack Ryder- "ENOUGH! WE GET IT! Scott, you're ALMOST as strong as my partner."


Scott Steiner- "ALMOST?!"


Ryback- "DID HE STUTTER?!"


Scott Steiner- "Listen you rhinoraucacus, whatever the hell you are! You think you're bigger then me?! You think you're better then me?! PROVE IT!"


Ryback- "YEAH?!"


Scott Steiner- "YEAH!"


Zack Ryder- "He is and he will! I would love to be out there fighting with him, show you what The Bully Patrol is all about.... BUT I have a broken neck and am not cleared to compete. And it looks like your little puppy brother isn't cleared either. So why don't you take your bully attitude and pick on someone your own side! Step into the ring and go one on one against ONE HALF of The Bully Patrol; RYBACK!


Scott Steiner- "SAY NO MORE! SEE YOU....







Scott Steiner- "AT...."






Scott Steiner- "IN YOUR HOUSE!"




....









JTJ , this one's for you!





SINGLES MATCH
SCOTT STEINER w/ Rick Steiner
vs
RYBACK w/ Zack Ryder





....




WHEN ONE BATTLE DOESN'T SETTLE THE SCORE!











THEN THE TWO MONSTERS MUST FIGHT AGAIN....











ON THE TOP OF THE WORLD!












SUPER SMASH BRAWL
THE SEQUEL
UMAGA
vs
YOKOZUNA









....









IN YOUR HOUSE 2
N.E.S.S

- Bill Goldberg vs "Rowdy" Roddy Piper

- HBK vs STING

- I QUIT/'YOU'RE THE BEST' MATCH: AJ Styles vs Owen Hart

- Trish & Lita vs AJ Lee & Beth Phoenix

- NO DQ MATCH: Shane McMahon/Road Warriors vs Terry Funk/Dudley Boyz

- Scott Steiner w/ Rick vs Ryback w/ Ryder

- SUPER SMASH BRAWL: Yokozuna vs Umaga II

So I pretty much knew when the night one results were posted I wasn't winning this. That's fine. At least my entry doesn't have & errors!

And shit I opened this thread an hour ago and made dinner and it's STILL loading.

Both guys went way overboard with their second round entries, but Ness went the most overboard. He went so far overboard that he went under the boat, up the other side, and landed in the boat. Then he flopped overboard again. The thing about Ness' concept is that he didn't even need to draft wrestlers to do what he's doing. He could have made up some random names and put them in place of his draft picks and it wouldn't have made any difference.

Kid wasn't quite able to recreate the magic of his first round performance, but it's still an easy 30 second KO.

Fear The Kid.

Ness has his taste and sense of humor and it makes for a fun read - but the cards aren't that close.

However if Kids next card borderline gives me a seizure again , it's an automatic vote against him. Also normally I'd vote against any card with rematches on them out of principal but the rest of his card is pretty great.

The images don't bother me, but the amount of scrolling I had to do for Kid in this round was beyond ridiculous. Huge spaces between lines, only a couple of words per line in some cases.

Jun 9, 2019 22:13:37 GMT Emperor said:

The images don't bother me, but the amount of scrolling I had to do for Kid in this round was beyond ridiculous. Huge spaces between lines, only a couple of words per line in some cases.

Welcome to every single Kid Fed.

Boy, this is tough.

The Kid is so on his game this season.

But Ness has BROCK... aaannnddd System.

I guess I'll just say fuck it and do what I know in my heart is the right thing...

Jun 9, 2019 23:20:27 GMT 🤯 said:

Boy, this is tough.

The Kid is so on his game this season.

But Ness has BROCK... aaannnddd System .

I guess I'll just say fuck it and do what I know in my heart is the right thing...

Hell after this round Kid might have Brock and System.

Jun 9, 2019 23:22:11 GMT Ness said:

Jun 9, 2019 23:20:27 GMT 🤯 said:

Boy, this is tough.

The Kid is so on his game this season.

But Ness has BROCK... aaannnddd System .

I guess I'll just say fuck it and do what I know in my heart is the right thing...

Hell after this round Kid might have Brock and System.

Presuming he prevails, I pray The Kid takes System.

As somebody who once had The New Breed & Teddy Hart flying around in a time traveling UFO, among other things, I can definitely appreciate Ness's commitment to wackiness. He also had some great lines. In a normal fan fic draft I might vote for him here just based on his outside the box thinking....

But The Kid also put in the work and his actual card smokes Nessie's, making this an easy win for Kid.

Jun 9, 2019 22:13:37 GMT Emperor said:

The images don't bother me, but the amount of scrolling I had to do for Kid in this round was beyond ridiculous. Huge spaces between lines, only a couple of words per line in some cases.

Some of you guys just don't understand hype. Kid gets it.

Jun 10, 2019 1:50:35 GMT Baker said:

As somebody who once had The New Breed & Teddy Hart flying around in a time traveling UFO, among other things, I can definitely appreciate Ness's commitment to wackiness. He also had some great lines. In a normal fan fic draft I might vote for him here just based on his outside the box thinking....

But The Kid also put in the work and his actual card smokes Nessie's, making this an easy win for Kid.

Jun 9, 2019 22:13:37 GMT Emperor said:

The images don't bother me, but the amount of scrolling I had to do for Kid in this round was beyond ridiculous. Huge spaces between lines, only a couple of words per line in some cases.

Some of you guys just don't understand hype. Kid gets it.

Yeah, I actually kinda enjoyed the scrolling.

And The Kid's Big Poppa Pump might be the greatest character ever.

I just want to put it out there.

RT didn’t post my final entry. It’s not his fault as I sent 3 edits but still. That’s why there is errors. Anyways I’ll go into further detail tomorrow because I had a really busy day.

Jun 10, 2019 2:39:59 GMT The Kid said:

I just want to put it out there.

RT didn’t post my final entry. It’s not his fault as I sent 3 edits but still. That’s why there is errors. Anyways I’ll go into further detail tomorrow because I had a really busy day.

Drunk RT strikes again!

Loved the scrolling, loved the build, loved the card......







































Kid in a landslide.

Jun 10, 2019 1:50:35 GMT Baker said:

He also had some great lines.

To be fair to Ness, he did write many funny lines. I popped a few times. Still doesn't change my overall evaluation though.

Knew I was gonna lose, but didn't think it would be this one-sided. Truthfully my plan wasn't originally to do a weird card/story. I didn't think of going crazy till about halfway into the draft. My first couple of drafts were done with a normal one in mind. I mean, I always planned to draft Strangler and System, but that was the extent. I almost regret not going 100% into that and bringing in guys like Shockmaster and Mr. Miz. Kid, much like scrubbing bubbles, worked hard so you don't have to. Congrats to him. But still...

Shoutout to the 2 heroes that voted for me. You da real MVPs.

So time to talk about my card!

Piper/Goldberg. I fucking love writing Piper. I watched a bunch of promos and “best of” stuff from him and there’s a reason why he main evented Manias. He is legendary on the mic. So I had to have him beat Sting in the last event to build him up. Even though he cheated, he won and that is all that matters. Goldberg is a dominant force. No need for him to ever cut too long of a promo. So for the second show in a row, I had him be a Webster’s dictionary and define a word that’s him. Now the monster will try and silence the loud one after being assaulted after the last shows PPV. Piper is the biggest heel in my universe so this is the perfect showdown. Loved doing that promo.

HBK/Sting. I wanted to make this the main event but it didn’t have to be. I kept this hype short and sweet and told the story. Stings been watching HBK for his whole career. As has the world. Every move HBK made in it has bought him here. Face to face with Sting.

Styles/Owen was my triple main event starter. Now here’s the thing. I was going to pick up Velveteen Dream instead of Owen and go with the same storyline here. The “say my name” I Quit match. I think someone did that in their fed back in the glory days with Punk. It might’ve been WMS or PB. Can’t remember exactly who but it involved CM Punk wanting someone to say he’s the best. Anyways, I went Owen over Dream for star power after Ness stole bums from his opponent. Completely damaging my roster from further star power. So I had to take the bigger name and go with it. Ain’t nothing wrong with having Owen though.

Shane/LOD vs Funk/Dudley’s. This match was a perfect puzzle piece fitting onto the board. LOD helped Shane survive Funk and earlier won the TLC match that involved the Dudley’s. Perfect combo. No DQ makes this match must watch. It’s a feud about respect but beating respect into your opponent.

The thing I learned about drafts is how hard it is to draft women. I got 4 and you start realizing the amount of possibilities are small. So we are now at our tag match phase. The storyline writes itself. The legends and the other two. AJ got her muscle and it’s Beth.

Scott Steiner/Ryback was meant to be and I thought of it last minute. With Ryder and Ryback as a duo, I decided to have Ryder fake injured and wear a neck brace after barely fighting at the last events. He’s the weasel bully fighter and Scott’s a bully. The letters from JTJ were a shout out to him and Baker with Lana. During draft time, Jeff sent me a threatening PM that he was going to steal Rick if I didn’t draft him. THEN he gave me a final warning about “one GIF per wrestler.” So I decided to release his “letters/pms” there and make it a meathead GIF fest. Found it funny and fun to write. Now for the muscles to fight!

Umaga/Yokozuna wasn’t supposed to happen twice BUT since I’m facing Ness, I had to give him a shout out with a Super Smash Brawl. Since their first match ended in a double TKO ring collapse, it’s time for them to fight to the death. Super Smash style. Like my opponents old feds.

It was never going to be as awesome as the first because you’ve seen it before, but I tried to add some cool things to it. Happy I’m winning, but my next opponent is going to be no joke. Time to put together something unbelievable. Have some time to think about my steals, which I’m not sure about yet. I guess we’ll see what route I take. Good match, Ness.

Jun 10, 2019 13:40:20 GMT JTJ said:

I can’t tell you how much I wanted to steal Rick. I had a really cool story for him. I debated it much before deciding not to be that guy.

And I thank you very much for not doing that to me. Would’ve screwed everything up.

Ness is that mech picture from Robot Jox?

Jun 10, 2019 14:07:43 GMT shinobimusashi said:

Ness is that mech picture from Robot Jox?

No clue. I just googled mech battle on Google image. Most were huge wallpaper size so I picked that one due to it being smaller.

Pop for Dragon Dragon!

Hard for me not to vote for Kid at this point even though I fucking love Ness and what he's doing.

Can I get at least two more votes? Don't make me lose worse than LH!

It’s over.

Give me The Queen and the Psychopath.

Charlotte Flair

&

John Moxley

Congrats to Kid. Surprised he didn't snag Brock.

Also please spell it Jon.

Will do.

And I don’t have room for Goldberg AND Brock on my roster. I can bet nobody wants to see Brock vs Goldberg again either so I had to go a different route and went with Jon “Hold the H” Moxley.

For those that care (Yes both of you) Brock was gonna be split in half by DD but both halves would regenerate into a Brock tag team to battle a reanimated zombie Monty.

Jun 15, 2019 13:06:36 GMT Ness said:

For those that care (Yes both of you) Brock was gonna be split in half by DD but both halves would regenerate into a Brock tag team to battle a reanimated zombie Monty.

I'm glad I voted for you. More Brocks is the only acceptable outcome of a Brock loss.

Jun 15, 2019 13:10:28 GMT 🤯 said:

Jun 15, 2019 13:06:36 GMT Ness said:

For those that care (Yes both of you) Brock was gonna be split in half by DD but both halves would regenerate into a Brock tag team to battle a reanimated zombie Monty.

I'm glad I voted for you. More Brocks is the only acceptable outcome of a Brock loss.

In my canon (and possibly real life) when Brock goes hunting he doesn't use rifles. He goes full Kraven and wrestles grizzlies into submission. Try and unsee him putting a moose in the Brock Lock. I dare ya!