Final Four

PI

May 31, 2019 12:54:43 GMT 🤯 said:

Wife & 🤯 proudly present…

In celebration of the extreme… a TRUE tribute to the fallen...

In honor of the lost-but-not-forgotten; i.e., Lony , jTjohncenaGOAT , PB , bodyslam , @theshow , Lionheart , UT , pduh )...

Something else that'll hopefully still put some smiles on some faces... and something that shinobimusashi will hopefully be proud to lose against...

ECW: RETURN of the LIVING DEAD! (RESULTS)

1.) The Chair Swingin' Chairmen (Balls Mahoney & La Parka) def. The Trailer Park Boys (Jamie Noble & Jimmy Wayne Yang) via pinfall to earn a future tag team title shot

The production crew apparently got a little too high during the hours-long pre-game before ECW:RotLD went live on air. Their highness manifested onscreen with a botched chyron misidentifying Balls as some long lost member of the Dudley clan, vaguely resembling Big Dick from a distance. Despite the production glitch it was an otherwise successful pay-per-view debut for the Chair Swingin' Chairmen. They resisted their urge to start slinging seat steel during the match (and thus avoided disqualification), and steamrolled the poor Trailer Park Boys with little trouble.

The TP Boys let their recent string of frustrations get the better of them here, and they turned their tempers inward against each other at critical junctures in the contest. The dissension created a (double wide) opening upon which Balls capitalized to ultimately win: Balls shoved legal man JWY into Noble while the TP Boys were arguing over their latest miscue; the collision with JWY sent Noble crashing from the ring apron into the guardrail; Balls then rolled up the dazed and distracted JWY with a schoolboy for the three-count.

After the match, Noble reentered the ring and shoved JWY back, not realizing (or at least not caring) that JWY's initial shove was an accident and not even his fault. Some words were said between the TP Boys, and then their little taped fists started flying. The fistfight was short-lived though, as the Chairmen finally busted out the chairs in post-match celebration and gave each Trailer Park Boy a seat... to the head!



As a result of their win, the Chairmen are now officially next in line for a tag title shot. Meanwhile, who knows what's next in line for those poor TP Boys… especially after their post-match blowup!

*****

2.) ECW Television Title: Rhino (c) def. Tajiri via pinfall to retain the title

A clash of once-upon-a-time Cyrus the Virus charges. When they clashed in real life ECW, I believe Rhino was the monster heel and Tajiri was the underdog face. Here, in this ECW, those roles were reversed in a different spin on the David vs. Goliath story.

In fact, it was a tale of Tajiri's quickness and craftiness counteracting Rhino's size and strength in a surprisingly even, back-and-forth contest. In the home stretch, a last-second leapfrog by Tajiri led to Rhino goring himself through a table propped up in the corner of the ring. Tajiri promptly pounced on the dazed Manbeast, tangling Rhino in the ropes with the dreaded Tarantula and then subsequently daring the ref to DQ him for deliberately keeping the torturous hold applied well past the five-count.

Refusing to end the match on a lame DQ, the ref instead tried to pry Tajiri off Rhino (at what would've otherwise been like the fifth or sixth consecutive five-count). Annoyed, Tajiri released the hold, confronted and threatened the ref, and then turned his attention back to Rhino... just in time to eat a short-range gore. As a bit of payback for the elongated Tarantula, Rhino pulled Tajiri up for and then hit a jumping piledriver off the middle rope onto a piece of broken table for the academic pinfall.



EC-DUB!! EC-DUB!! EC-DUB!!

*****

3.) The Hurricane def. "Miss" Molly Holly via pinfall to get "Mister" Bob Backlund in a subsequent match; Hurricane def. Backlund via forfeit in the subsequent match



In a pre-match backstage promo, Molly demanded that Hurricane treat her and thus wrestle her not like she's his inferior but like she's his equal. To do anything else would be a sign of disrespect. Molly had grown sick and tired from playing sidekick for so long, and she refused to continue pretending to be anything less than what she truly is... which, in this specific case, is a better and more deserving wrestler than that wannabe superhero Hurricane.

Molly then ceded the floor to Backlund, who patted himself on the back for being the quintessential gentleman and embodying the chivalrous “ladies first” mantra, citing how he not only let Molly speak first but he is also letting her wrestle Hurricane first. Not that Backlund expected to wrestle Hurricane, as his expectation was for Molly to prove herself the superior athlete by handing Hurricane a humiliating defeat.



Backlund then revealed he'd be doing something Hurricane had never done: he’d be allowing the spotlight to shine where it should -- sqaurely on the magnificent “Miss” Molly. To this end, Backlund explained that he wouldn’t be in Molly’s corner for the match but watching and rooting her on from backstage instead. And if by some improbable, unimaginable stretch Molly were to lose, Backlund would come down and face Hurricane afterward like a man... a man of his word, a man of true morals.



Hurricane obliged Molly's pre-match demand and wrestled her like an equal in a surprisingly entertaining chain wrestling exhibition. Although he didn't hold back during the bout, it was nevertheless clear that Hurricane was underestimating Molly at every twist and turn of the contest.

For every inventive hold that Hurricane applied, Molly had an even more inventive reversal. It was almost as if she'd been schooled by such master technicians as Dean Malenko and Dave Finlay and then further honed under the tutelage of the prodigious Bob Backlund. Anyway...

Every reversal and creative counter counter hold applied by Molly brought an increasingly competitive edge out of Hurricane. At particular points of frustration, Hurricane seemed downright mean in his approach toward Molly. It was as if shades of his WWE Cruiserweight Champion Gregory Helms persona were peeking through from behind his mask.



In the end, Hurricane was so caught up in the flow of the action that --on instinct, and in one smooth motion-- he hooked Molly’s arms, twisted and lifted her, and dropped her with a neck-snapping Vertebreaker en route to scoring the pinfall.



After the match, instead of checking on Molly, Hurricane turned toward the entrance ramp, gestured "just bring it", and then sank back into a wrestling stance to await Backlund's entrance. Backlund came running out, but he ran past Hurricane and made a beeline for Molly instead. Checking on Molly, a panicked Backlund signaled to the back for help. On cue, a host of EMTs came rushing out with a spine board. While they worked on immobilizing Molly's neck and strapping her to the board, Backlund grabbed the house mic and cut an impromptu promo on Hurricane.

Referring to himself as “a man of values who values values” (wait… what?), Backlund explained some things in life were more important than winning and losing: for instance, people's health and well-being. Glaring a crazy-eyed hole through Hurricane's mask, Backlund said it took a man of morality… a man with dignity and integrity... to do what he was about to do. Then, claiming he was being the bigger man, Backlund forfeited his match to Hurricane.



As the EMTs stretchered Molly to the back with the concerned Backlund in toe, Hurricane found himself alone in the ring contending with a violent swirl of emotions. Upset, perhaps as much with himself as anything else, Hurricane ripped off his mask and threw it down before exiting the ring... leaving the question hanging in the air: What does this mean for ECW's favorite superhero?

(Oh, yeah, and I guess also: is Molly okay!?!?)

*****

4.) Borne Again def. Big Show

Like a mad pied piper, Borne Again summoned a swarm of mini Doinks to the ring and directed them to attack the especially-gigantic-by-comparison Big Show. The tactic resulted in Borne’s disqualification, but Show rejected the win and demanded the match be restarted under “No DQ” rules. Borne gleefully accepted, thanking Show for being “a generous giant with such a big heart that some cardiologists might even call it enlarged!”



When the bell rang again, Borne’s army of mini Doinks swarmed Show again. Like a horde of neanderthals on a prehistoric mastodon hunt, the mini Doinks managed to take Show down to the mat. But then, after a beat, Show erupted from the dogpile of mini Doinks. It was a volano of humanity, with little clown bodies flying across the ring in all directions. The unfortunate mini Doinks within Show’s immediate reach found themselves on the receiving end of chokeslams. After clearing all the mini Doinks from the ring, Show turned his attention back to Borne.

Laughing at the whole scene and applauding Show’s performance against the mini Doinks, Borne hopped out of the ring and then proceeded to get himself counted out while skipping around ringside to avoid Show’s clutches. Show again rejected the win and demanded the match be restarted once more, this time under “Falls Count Anywhere” rules. Borne gleefully accepted again, challenged Show to catch him, then took off through the crowd as the bell rang again.

Show ultimately chased Borne up to a balcony in the arena. In a scene reminiscent of King Kong (with the balcony standing in for the Empire State Building, and Show aping the iconic gorilla… while also ironically looking an awful lot like King Kong Bundy), Borne knocked the giant off the balcony after squirting him in the eyes with his loaded lapel flower. Show landed hard on the concrete arena floor below while Borne watched with a smile from above, perched on the balcony railing. Then, in an unexpected move, Borne leapt from the balcony to hit a Whoopie Cushion on Show for the pinfall.





HO-LY SHIT!!! HO-LY SHIT!!! HO-LY SHIT!!!

*****

5.) 3-Way Dance for the ECW Women's Title: Awesome Kong def. "Rowdy" Ronda Rousey (c) and Jazz to win the title

It was a do-or-die, all-or-nothing situation for Ronda, as she’d forfeited her rematch clause heading into this match self-pumped full of her own hubris. And, just as her Lion's Den mentor Ken Shamrock had warned her, the 3-Way Dance environment ended up presenting too much for Ronda to contend with given her relatively limited squared circle experience.

In the early goings, Kong and Jazz formed a tenuous alliance to make it a de facto handicap match against Ronda. Ronda welcomed the challenge, and employed an initially successful stick-and-move strategy. After fending off Jazz with a flurry of rapidfire strikes, Ronda pivoted and attempted a jumping rolling arm bar takedown on Kong… but the behemoth Kong was simply too strong, and she held on and turned the attempt into a powerbomb.



Kong continued to hold on to Ronda, lifted her limp carcass off the mat, and proceeded to hit three more powerbombs in a row.



Kong punctuated the public execution with a final sitout powerbomb to score the pinfall and thus eliminate the champ.



With Ronda eliminated first, the crowd began to buzz upon the collective realization that a title change was now guaranteed. The crowd’s buzz was further fueled by an ensuing standoff/staredown between Kong and Jazz. Not backing down an inch from the behemoth Kong, Jazz lunged forward and backed the Aweome One across the ring with a series of stiff-as-fuck forearms and headbutts. Jazz then drew a huge pop when she hit a one-armed scoop slam on Kong (Jazz’s hyperextended elbow was nowhere near 100% headed into this match… but she’s a bad ass bitch, so she works with what she’s got). Jazz truly seemed like a woman possessed, hellbent on reclaiming “her” title… and she seemed poised to do with Kong positioned for a superplex in the final stretch. But then...



Since this is ECW and not some pussy playground like WWE, the referee checked for down shoulders and counted to three… and declared it a no contest due to double pinfall, as the KO’d Jazz and KO’d Kong each had one lifeless arm draped over the other’s chest.



Over-caffeinated play-by-play slash simultaneous color commentary man: “Ladies and gentlemen, your *NEW* ECW Women’s Champion… VACANT!?”

*****

6.) Tables, Ladders & Chairs Match for the ECW Tag Team Title: The Hardy Boyz (Matt & Jeff) (c) def. Rob Van Dam & Sabu to retain after Sabu pushes RVD off a ladder through another ringside table

This was every bit the high risk highlight reel of daredevil destruction that you’d expect from these four maniacs. It would be a fool’s errand to even attempt tabulating the total number of bent chairs, broken tables, innovative ladder spots, and cumulative human wreckage.

Highlights below:











The dangerous game of one-upsmanship between RVD and Sabu continued to prove costly, but not as costly as RVD's self-centered bravado... because in the end, it was the repeated manifestation of RVD’s egocentric swagger that ultimately triggered Sabu to turn on his partner: Sabu toppled a ladder with RVD atop it (while he was within reach of the belts, no less) to send the Whole F’n Show crashing through a tower of tables stacked up at the base of the entrance ramp.

This allowed the Hardy Boyz time to recover and remount an assault, double-teaming the now-outnumbered Sabu. Sabu put up a hell of a fight on his own, and came close to winning when he triple jumped off a chair to the top of a ladder in the middle of the ring… only for Matt to catch him with a Twist of Fate off the ladder. Jeff then finished the job by leapfrogging over another ladder in a far corner of the ring to hit a Swanton Bomb on Sabu. With Sabu dispatched, the Hardy Boyz climbed the ladder together to retrieve their belts.

*****

7.) Submission Match (w/ special guest referee Bret Hart): Ken Shamrock def. Kurt Angle



Just before the match, the diabolical booker-man came out to make a special announcement: ECW’s most recent signing, Bret “The Hitman” Hart, would be the surprise special guest referee! Bret then came out and cut a brief promo: Submissions hold a special place in Bret’s heart, and he was looking forward to refereeing this fight. He said that he’d give Ken and Kurt some leeway and allow them more latitude than usual because he wants to see them go all out to prove who is the better man. Last but not least, Bret promised that there would be no “screw job, fake submission bullshit” under his watch.

Bret’s last minute announcement as special guest ref didn’t seem to faze either fighter, as Ken and Kurt both showed up wearing some dead serious game faces. Bret checked them both over, explained the rules, and then told them to “GET IT ON!” to get the match underway.

The match ended up looking more like a shoot fight with lots of cautious circling, sudden shots and sprawls, strikes that didn’t always connect but at least helped the fighters gauge their distance, and a few suplexes that were ugly as fuck but nevertheless effective (including a shoot version of the Angle Slam):



Generally, Kurt had no problems taking Ken down. But Kurt’s lack of MMA experience left him hesitating once on the ground, whereas Ken --quite comfortable on the ground, and not having to worry about pinfalls-- would start mounting his comebacks from off his back.

In the end, Kurt and Ken had each other trapped in simultaneous ankle locks while their legs were grapevined in a convoluted tangle. Taking a calculated risk, Kurt released his ankle lock and rolled to reach for the bottom rope to break the hold and hopefully be restarted in a more favorable position. Kurt reached the bottom rope, but Bret’s view was blocked. And to make matters worse, by rolling away, Kurt had given Ken the perfect opening to really sink in and crank down on Ken’s still-intact ankle lock.



While holding the bottom rope with one hand (still blocked from Bret’s view), Angle tapped with the other -- more to get Bret’s attention than to submit, but Bret interpreted the gesture to have the latter intent. Bret awarded the submission victory to Ken. Ever the gracious sportsman, Ken helped Kurt up after the match. Knowing it wasn’t Ken’s fault, the hobbled and frustrated Kurt accepted a hug and a handshake from Ken before Ken exited the ring. But when Bret went to give Kurt kudos on his effort, Kurt shoved the Hitman away.

Not realizing he’d inadvertently screwed Kurt, Bret reapproached Kurt and asked him what his problem was. Kurt took a moment, collected himself, apologized to Bret, admitting he can get a little hot-headed, and offered to shake Bret’s hand to show things were all good between them. But when Bret took Kurt’s outstretched hand, Kurt yanked the unsuspecting Bret in for a one-footed Angle Slam.

FUCK CANADA!! U-S-A!! U-S-A!! U-S-A!! ...j/k: YOU SUCK!!!



*****

8.) ECW World Title: Chris Benoit def. Taz (c) via pinfall to win the title
In case you didn’t get enough suplexes and submission attempts from the last match, this bout would’ve certainly sated you. Taz and Benoit traded seemingly every suplex known to man. Benoit chopped the living shit out of Taz; Taz choked the living shit out of Benoit (as if Taz was some sort of Bowflex machine). Benoit went for a diving headbutt but missed. Not to be outdone, Taz even went to the top rope for a move… only to be crotched and hit with a snap superplex. Et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. Similar to Benoit/Angle at WMX7, this was by far a better match than fans will readily remember it as simply because of the excellent and highly memorable matches and moments that came before it on this otherwise stacked card.

In the end, Taz catches Benoit in the Kata-Ha-Jime… but Benoit resists fading, and pulls out the Bret Hart Special (a la WrestleMania VIII or Survivor Series ‘96) to counter the submission hold into a surprise pinning predicament for the three-count.



Over-caffeinated play-by-play slash simultaneous color commentary man: “Ladies and gentlemen, Nancy and David... your *NEW* ECW World Champion… your dad, CHRIS BENOIT!!!”

After the match, Eddie Guerrero made his surprise debut by coming out of the crowd to celebrate in the ring with his BFF Benoit. Eddie took the world title belt from the ring attendant, strapped it around Benoit’s waist, and raised Benoit’s arm in victory. As the show was going off the air, Eddie pulled Benoit in close and whispered something in the new champ’s ear.



What did Eddie whisper to Benoit? Just a bunch of sweet nothings… or perhaps something more somber? Stay glued to the boob tube to find out! BOOBIES!!!

---

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Wife & 🤯 proudly present…

In remembrance of the Best of the Best… and the Most Extreme Elimination...

In dedication to those who came before us… and those who set the bar...

A little something that’ll turn your frown upside down...

ECW: DIA de los MUERTOS (or… DAY of the LIVING DEAD)!

1.) TV Title Contenders: Big Show vs. Tajiri





Both men are in need of a big win to get themselves back on the right track. And despite their recent string of high profile losses, both men have considerable chips on their shoulders. Tajiri feels he’d be TV Champion right now had it not been for the referee’s meddlesome ways in his title match against Rhino at ECW:RotLD. Show, meanwhile, is sick and tired of not being feared and respected as the giant he is.

Being Japanense n’at, Tajiri literally sees Show as the personification of Godzilla (or, as Tajiri calls him, “Gojira”). And nothing would be a finer achievement in his countrymen’s eyes than slaying the human embodiment of the gargantuan prehistoric sea monster. Tajiri showed us in his last PPV outing against TV Champion Rhino that his quickness and craftiness make him a considerable threat to larger, slower adversaries. Via translation, we learn that Tajiri is undaunted by Show’s size… especially after watching Show lose to some clown at ECW:RotLD. The Japanase Buzzsaw vows to cut the giant down to size.

In response, Show cautions Tajiri about the consequences of awakening a sleeping giant… the hazards of doing so are something Tajiri’s countrymen learned about firsthand in the 1940s. And just like it played out it 1945, Show says there’s a Weapon of Mass Destruction in store for Tajiri at ECW:DofLD.



*****

2.) Mask vs. Makeup Match: The Hurricane vs. Borne Again



It feels like something ripped straight from one of Christopher Nolan"s Batman movies… or better yet, a Batman: The Animated Series episode if it had been written by Frank Miller.

Hurricane/Gregory Helms is a very conflicted Batman/Bruce Wayne. First, he somehow let the forces of evil turn his Robin (i.e., Molly) against him. Then it cost him everything to try to bring Robin back from the brink of darkness, and his efforts were all in vain. Not only did he let the Boy Wonder does on his watch… but Robin died at the hands of the Dark Knight himself.

Despite seemingly tossing it all away in frustration after ostensibly crippling Molly, Hurricane ultimately kept his mask and cape and superhero identity. But at what cost? Everything he stands for and believes in? He hurt a poor woman. And not just any woman. His beloved sidekick, whom he was trying to somehow save. And then he didn't even check on her after the match. What kind of monster had he become?



Hurricane only ever wanted to be a beacon of light, virtue, and hope in ECW; a caped crusader who could be counted on to always be there and always do the right thing; to be the hero the promotion needed, even if it didn't always deserve it… and yet now here he is, having lived long enough to see himself seemingly become the villain. Fuck, man.

And then there's the maniacal Borne Again, who just wants to set the world ablaze and revel in the ensuing chaos as he watches it all burn. After making a big statement at ECW:RotLD by dispatching Big Show, Borne now looks to make an even bigger and much deeper statement now by targeting the downtrodden superhero.



Borne says he and Hurricane have a lot in common… way more in common than Hurricane wants to admit, even secretly to himself. Borne says they both share a dark side, which they both try to hide behind masks and makeup… and they were both even born on April Fool’s Day! Yadda yadda yadda, blah blah blah… ultimately Borne declares his true intentions: he wants to help Hurricane embrace his inner darkness and let it out.

This leads us to a mask vs. makeup match. Loser must take off his mask or makeup… forever. And Borne doesn't want to beat Hurricane so much as he wants to cause Hurricane to beat himself; i.e., Borne intends to draw so much of Hurricane's inner darkness out that Hurricane will ultimately get himself disqualified.

DA-NA NA-NA-NA… BATMAN!!!



*****

3.) Dog Collar Match: "Pitbull" Jamie Noble vs. "Junkyard Mutt" Jimmy Wayne Yang



Well, turns out there's no mending fences for these mobile home dwelling terrier terrors.

The blowup at ECW:RotLD resulted in a subsequent match between the Trailer Park Boys, which went to double count-out with an out-of-control brawl on the floor. This set up a rematch, which went to a double disqualification after both TP Boys busted out foriegn objects to waylay each other. And that set up a rubber match, which is this match, with this stipulation meant to ensure a conclusive finish and a clear winner.

In the intervening weeks between ECW:RotLD and ECW:DotLD, Jamie and Jimmy each reintroduce their characters with slight tweaks to go along with their new singles career endeavors.

Drawing on his history of tag-teaming with ECW stalwart Kid Kash, and paying homage to a legendary but oft overlooked ECW tag team, Jamie rebrands himself as “Pitbull” Jamie Noble. This is how he appears in an insert promo:



Jamie seems to be literally embracing the Pitbull vibe, as he's taken to wearing a dog collar and chain leash as elements of his regular getup.

Jimmy Wayne Yang, meanwhile, isn’t so literal with his rebranding. Instead, embracing his Korean roots, he opts for an homage to fellow minority pro wrestling folk hero Junkyard Dog, introducing his updated persona as “Junkyard Mutt” (or JYM... as in J-Y-M or "JYM" pronounced like Jim. As in Jimmy. As in Jimmy Wayne Yang! Yeehaw!!! Wait, what?). I don't know. Anyway...

Jimmy goes from this, as JWY:



to this, as JYMJWY:



GIDDYUP, PAHDNAH! YEEHAW!

It's unclear whether or not JYMJWY realizes his Stars 'n' Bars leather vest flies in the face of his minority roots embracing… but whatever, the South (Koreans) will rise again!!!

Oh, also, just to be clear I guess… this isn't one of those "first to touch all four turnbuckle wins" stipulations. It's essentially just a "No DQ, No Count-Out" match where both guys are chained together by the neck. But the loser has to literally sleep in a dog house and eat dog food for a week. WOOF!

*****

4.) ECW Women's Title Contenders: "Rowdy" Ronda Rousey vs. "Miss" Molly Holly

Turns out Molly's potential paralysis was mostly just a ruse at ECW:RotLD to fuck with Hurricane’s head. Honestly, I could totally see ECW “Mister” Bob Backlund evolving into some sort of perfect hybrid of Jim Carrey’s Riddler and Tommy Lee Jones’ Two Face… masterminding some kind of sick, violent gameplan and then implementing it with the help of Molly’s Harley Quinn. Anyway… enough of the Batman tie-ins (for now)...

Just like Molly sprang back from her paralysis, Ronda sprang from this:



Back to this:


In relatively short order after losing the ECW Women’s Title at ECW:RotLD.

But then she made this face:



When she saw Molly’s new look:



Because it’s what women in wrestling apparently do when under the tutelage of the cult leader types, Molly apparently shaved her head in the wake of ECW:RotLD to physically represent her pledge to “Miser” Bob Backlund’s Moral Majority (copyright Baker -man). Along with her new look, Molly declared her new mission: restore morality and order to ECW’s chaotic and violent women’s division. Molly’s first objective is handing Ronda her second straight PPV loss, as a win over the former champ would surely propel Molly into a title shot.

Ronda, meanwhile, is happy to accept Molly’s challenge. The Rowdy One is on a quest to earn a title shot as quickly as possible. If she regrets forfeiting her rematch clause heading into ECW:RotLD, Ronda refuses to admit it publicly. Ronda's mentor Ken Shamrock has also been kind enough not to say "I told you so". Instead, he’s turned up the intensity of her training to get her back on track to reclaim the title.

*****

5.) ECW TV Title: Rhino (c) vs. Bob Backlund


The reigning, defending, fighting TV champion RHINO! has been one of the winningest competitors in ECW… stacking wins like pancakes all while successfully defending the title against challenges or all shapes and sizes. At some point soon here, he’s probably gonna want a crack at the world title. And if he keeps up his current pace, the shot will be inarguably deserved. So the diabolical booker-man has selected a former world champion to throw into the charging Manbeast’s path as Rhino’s next challenger… the Demon Barber of Swanson Street, Sweeney Bob.. “Mister” Bob Backlund!

Backlund welcomes the opportunity, as he HATES television and would love nothing more than to defeat the TV champion and retire the belt.

In a promo after being revealed as Rhino’s next challenger, Backlund rants on and on about how “television is responsible for rotting the minds of America’s youth. There is no such thing as good TV. Even if it is some National Geographic special on a rhino or other beast of the serengeti. To beat the enemy, you must become the enemy! And to become the enemy, we must go on safari!” HUH!?!?



Will Rhino continue to stack flapjack victories and hang onto his TV title? Or will the wily and demented, grizzled ring general veteran Backlund find some horribly violent way to rip the belt away from the champion? Motivated by the Moral Majority (copyright Baker -man), Backlund has become such a man on a mission as of late that it’ll be hard to bet against him… especially when you factor in his increasing unpredictability.




*****

6.) Flaming Tables Match for the ECW Tag Team Title: The Hardy Boyz (c) vs. Los Últimos de los Dudosos Perdidos [a.ka. The Last of the Lost Dudleys; f.k.a. The Chair Swingin' Chairmen] (Big Balls Dudley [f.k.a. Balls Mahoney] & Reaper Dudley [f.k.a. La Parka])







Did you know “La Parka” is a derivative of “La Parca”, which is Spanish for “The Reaper”? I didn’t know that until this week, and now I have a whole new level of respect for the badassery of the Chairman of ECW. And his ring attire makes so much more sense now. Live and learn, go figure. Anyway...

Due to a production glitch at ECW:RotLD, Balls was inadvertantly misidentified as a member of the Dudley clan. Instead of taking offense over this, or even just laughing it off, Balls ran with it. He donned tye dye and overall jorts and adopted himself into the Dudley clan as "Big Balls Dudley". Following his tag partner’s lead, La Parka redubbed himself as “Reaper Dudley”… the long lost Dudley cousin from Dudleyville de Mexico. The Chairmen then rebranded themselves collectively to become “Los Últimos de los Dudosos Perdidos” (which supposedly translates to “The Last of the Lost Dudleys”).

Embracing their new identity and corresponding heritage, channeling their inner Dudley, and exercising their status as numero uno contenders for the ECW Tag Team title, the Dudosos challenge the Hardy Boyz to a flaming tables match at ECW:DotLD. The Hardy Boyz instantly accept, because they laugh in the face of danger and walk on the wild side… just like a young brash Simba from Lion King!





*****

7.) Last Woman Standing Match for the vacant ECW Women's Title: Awesome Kong vs. Jazz
Unfinished business can’t be left unfinished. After the Superplex Heard ‘Round the World and resulting double pinfall to conclude the 3-Way Dance at ECW:RotLD, Kong and Jazz definitely had some unfinished business to attend to.

After how much they’d humiliated and hurt him in the build up to ECW:RotLD, the diabolical booker-man loved watching these two women go at it and destroy each other… and he instantly sensed an opportunity to deal with the vacant women’s title by pitting these two against each other, one on one, with “Last Woman Standing” rules in effect, to determine the champion.

Also, to prevent the ring from having to be hurriedly rebuilt mid-show in the event of another catastrophy like the Superplex Heard ‘Round the World, the diabolical booker-man explains that the ring will be specially reinforced so as to sustain the chaos and carnage likely to unfold over the course of this clash of female titans.





*****

8.) Cache of Cash Ladder Match: Rob Van Dam vs. Sabu

This is essentially a one-on-one Money in the Bank ladder match, but the reward is a little different (and not just in name). Money in the bank can just sit in a neglected account and collect interest practically forever. A cache of cash though? It burns a hole in your pocket until you spend it. The ever-eloquent diabolical booker-man does a much better job explaining the nuances via voiceover. Whatever. The crux of the idea is that the winner of the “Cache of Cash” contract must use it (i.e., “cache/cash it in”... -_-) before former world champion Taz elects to exercise his rematch clause.

Speaking of Taz… With the grumpy former world champ reserving his right to not exercise his world title rematch clause until when he sees fit, the diabolical booker-man is forced to start lining up other world title contenders in the meantime. Fortunately, he sees it as a perfect opportunity to continue messing with RVD and Sabu… plus, one of them deserves a reward anyway for trying so hard to single-handedly win the tag titles at ECW:RotLD.

RVD and Sabu have been nipping at each other for quite some time. Now they will finally get to have it out in a one-on-one environment, with no other competitors involved to distract them, to work out all the continued tension that’s been mounting ever since the *REAL* Triple Threat imploded at ECW:NotLD.





*****

9.) Lion’s Den Match: FTW Champion Taz vs. Ken Shamrock



As mentioned above, Taz has been a bit of a grump since losing his world title at ECW:RotLD. Benoit pinned him with a creative counter, sure… but Taz maintains that Benoit tapped while in the Kata-Ha-Jime in the midst of his clever reversal. Taz therefore maintains that he won and is still champion. There’s no clear video tape evidence to support Taz’s claim, but that doesn’t matter to Taz. Taz introduces the FTW Title and declares himself interim world champion until either ECW does the right thing by stripping Benoit of the title and giving it back to Taz, or Taz gets his rematch and wins the belt back himself.

Speaking of rematches… Taz is reserving his right to exercise his rematch clause until when and where he sees fit. He wants to be in the right condition --mentally, emotionally, and physically-- before exercising it. Taz appreciates the power and value of a rematch clause, unlike former women’s champion Ronda Rousey.

Taz’s pot shot at Ronda draws the ire of Ken Shamrock, who confronts Taz to defend the honor of the Nala of his Lion’s Den. Shamrock accuses Taz of being a wannabe real fighter, says FTW Champion Taz is a paper champion, and offers to school him in what real MMA is all about.



Taz isn’t intimidated for a second, and immediately accepts the challenge. In fact, Taz is so cocksure that he offers to fight Shamrock on Shamrock’s own turf; i.e., in a Lion’s Den Match at ECW:DotLD. It’ll be tapout or knockout only when these two step into the Hexagon (a six-sided steel cage to be set up in the corner of the arena, which due to intellectual property protections absolutely cannot have two more sides).



...

From this:


To this:


...

Here’s Tazz literally ripping the world title in half to create the FTW title:


And here’s Shamrock’s mind being blown upon witnessing the creation of the FTW Title:


*****

10.) Bret Hart vs. Kurt Angle





The excellence of execution versus the gold standard. The hitman versus the hero. The sharpshooter versus the… uh, well... shooter. Canada versus USA, all over again like it’s a repeat of 1997. The best there is, was, and ever will be in Bret Hart… versus perhaps the greatest wrestler to ever live in Kurt Angle (despite his frustrating recent string of ECW PPV losses).

As if we needed any other buildup for this dream match, here’s what I got...

Kurt blamed his "loss" at ECW:RotLD on special guest ref Bret. Kurt speculates that Bret's not-so-impartial officiating was the result of a jealous Bret trying desperately to prevent Kurt from doing what he's already done anyway; i.e., surpass Bret as the best there was, the best there is, and the best there ever will be. Bret just laughs Kurt’s claims off, but immediately caveats that he'd LOVE to face a real wrestling legend like Kurt in the ring. And so the match is made official and set for ECW:DotLD.







*****

11.) ECW World Title: Chris Benoit (c) vs. Eddie Guerrero
So what did Eddie whisper in the new champ’s ear as ECW:RotLD was going the air?

“Órale, I’m coming for your belt, ese.”

Very much a fighting champion in the vein of 1994 Bret Hart, new ECW Champion Chris Benoit welcomes all challenges -- including those that might come from his BFF, Eddie Guerrero. Benoit says it would be an honor for his first world title defense to be against Eddie.

But Eddie tells Benoit to stop right there, and more importantly… stop patronizing him. They’ve been BFFs throughout both of their careers… which have paralleled each other from place to place, country to country, continent to continent, promotion to promotion. And yet, despite Eddie claiming to be the better overall wrestler between the two, the spotlight has always been directed more toward Benoit. Eddie’s sick of playing second fiddle. That shit’s gotta stop… and if you want something done right, sometimes you gotta do it yourself.















The buildup to this match features some marquee “warm-up” matches in which Eddie wrestles Sabu one week, and Benoit wrestles RVD in a non-title match the following week. In Eddie’s match, he deploys some down and dirty tactics to secure the win and emphasize that he’s not above lying, cheating, and stealing to pick up a coveted victory. Benoit steers clear from the ring for Eddie’s match, but watches backstage on a monitor. He just shakes his head disapprovingly in response to Eddie’s lying, cheating, and stealing. In a later promo, Benoit even outright chastises Eddie for his underhanded ways and says that he himself as a fighting champion would never resort to such tactics.

The following week, Eddie interferes in Benoit’s match against RVD… attacking RVD first though, resulting in RVD picking up a non-title win over the champ. After the match, Eddie immediately turned his attention to Benoit and pounced on the Rabid Wolverine. Catching Benoit off guard, Eddie downed the champ with the Three Amigos and then followed up with three frog splashes in a row (each from a different turnbuckle) for good measure.

Considering how much their paths have intertwined throughout their careers, the diabolical booker-man says this will be their final one-on-one encounter (a la Benoit’s final encounter with Kurt Angle at ECW:NotLD). With the world title at stake as well, Benoit and Eddie will surely be pulling out all the stops in this epic finale to this best friendship turned bitter feud!

*****

++++++++++++++++++++

BAKER

WOW Extreme Epistolary Epicness Results

1. The League of Extraordinary Gentleman defeated Kyle O'Reilly & Toru Yano- This was mostly the Gentlemen clowning on O'Reilly & Yano before Gallagher pinned Toru for the win. The only flurries of offense the heels could muster came through cheating. Even then the British babyfaces would soon turn the tide with their superior teamwork and technique. O'Reilly turned on Yano after the match, berating him for being "a clown."

2. Bobby Lashley pinned Dan Spivey to win a rather lethargic Hoss Fight after slipping out of a Powerbomb and coming back with a Dominator for the 1-2-3.

3. Booker T pinned James Storm to retain the TV Championship in a 10 minute back and forth match with a few too many superkicks. Storm survived the Bookend and Axe Kick but succumbed to the Harlem Hangover in the end. The two men shook hands after the match to an appreciative crowd.

4. Chyna pinned Judy Martin to retain the Women's Title in a 6 minute bomb fest between the two Hossettes. Martin threw a lot at Chyna but the 9th Wonder of the World survived, Hulked Up, and ended Martin's quest for the crown with a ring rattling "Drip Dry" Powerbomb of her own. Ever the sportswoman, Chyna helped a groggy Martin to her feet after the match.

5. New Age Outlaws regained the Tag Team Championship by defeating Double Trouble in a Texas Tornado Match when Jeff Jarrett accidentally hit Arn Anderson with a guitar shot. Arn had been holding Road Dogg for El Kabong until Billy Gunn intervened at the last second. It looked to me like JJ had enough time to hold his shot but I guess not? Billy pinned Arn seconds later.

6. Sid defeated Batista in a Powerbomb Match with a Powerbomb (duh). This was another slow, sloppy Hossfest. Yet unlike Spivey/Lashley the crowd was into this one due to the charisma of the combatants. These two just have "it." Sid hit some Chokeslams. Batista hit some Spinebusters. Sid backdropped out of the Batista Bomb and came back with his own Powerbomb to win this Clash of the Titans. 

7. Lana Star did indeed start off her match against Sable with a vicious slap to the face. Yet Sable quickly responded with an even stiffer slap of her own that sent Lana straight down to the canvas. Lana spent the next five minutes nursing her wound while jawing with Sable, the ref, the commentary, the fans, and anybody else within earshot. This was a sloppy match with lots of Lana stalling carried by a red pink hot crowd who were into every single slap and hair pull. Perhaps the strangest turn of events in WOW to date occurred here when a vocal minority started cheering for Lana Star! It wasn't many, mind you. These pink clad Lanaholics daring to rage against the machine couldn't have consisted of more than 10% of the audience, but they were there, and they were loud. Lana has since dubbed them the "Pink Herstars" and surely that awkward name couldn't have been devised just for a throwaway line later in this writeup, right? RIGHT? Anyway, Lana caught Sable off guard by feigning an injury and managed to catch a napping Sable with the dreaded Lana Star Facelift! 1-2-NO! Sable survives! Lana throws a hissy fit. She then went to the corner to dig in her pink purse, looking for either her "Lanatude" perfume or perhaps her patented mirror. Yet we never did find out because Sable snatched Lana up by the hair and hit her with a spinning Cutter known as the TKO. 1-2-NO. Sable lifts Lana up....for the Sable Bomb! It connects! 1-2-3! Sable is your winner! Lana has once again tasted bitter defeat. As a side note, there sure are a lot of powerbombs in this fed....

8. Ric Flair defeated Rick Rude in a Respect Match. After 10 minutes of taunting, stalling, mat wrestling, and jockeying for position, Rude scored with a game changing low blow to take control in this Battle of Manhood. Rude spent the next few minutes working over Flair's "lower abdomen," though some of those shots looked a little below the belt to us, and those Inverted Atomic Drops were undeniably dick centric. Flair was writhing in pain while Rude was swiveling his hips and feeling good about life. Flair mounted a few comebacks with Flair Chops, but Rude would always cut him off with questionably placed strikes. The crowd got behind Flair the longer the match went. Surely Rude's insults had something to do with that. As did his unsportsmanlike behavior. For most men have felt the searing pain of the low blow. Rude was looking to finally end it with his patented Rude Awakening when Ric Flair countered with the mother of all mule kicks right to Rude's dick. OUCH! Payback is a bitch. Rude was rolling around on the canvas screaming in pain, making him easy pickings for Flair, who covered for the 1-2-3 in the greatest dick psychology match of all time. Post-match saw Rude hem and haw before finally saying "I Respect You" in a high pitched voice which brought even more howls of laughter from the crowd. Post-match saw Flair strut and "WOO" while the satisfied crowd taunted poor Rick Rude on his long walk back to the dressing room. 

9. Ultimate Warrior pinned The Rock to retain the WOW Championship in a 20 minute smoke and mirrors spectacle which garnered surprising **** reviews from most critics (Meltzer actually gave it ******1/4 but nobody got too excited about that since it's only about the equivalent to ***3/4 on his old scale). The memorable finishing stretch, which borrowed from Hogan/Warrior, saw Rock hit the Rock Bottom-People's Elbow combo. Warrior kicked out and Warriored Up. Then Warrior hit the Gorilla Press Drop-Splash. This time Rocky kicked out at 2.9. By this point the crowd (which had leaned pro-Warrior all match) became unglued with all your favorite modern chants. Warrior charged right into a Rock Bottom! But this time he dodged the People's Elbow and rebounded with another big splash. It connects! 1-2-3! The Warrior has retained the WOW Championship in a battle for the ages! 

*Following this show WOW acquired the services of Vince McMahon & Bianca Belair from KITN 's now defunct NWA promotion.

---------------------------
Lion From The North

Vince McMahon: Story of a Life in Three Chapters

Prologue

*From the Wrestling Observer Newsletter

One of the biggest stories this week is Vince McMahon signing with Baker's World of Wrestling promotion. The once mighty McMahon had fallen on hard times ever since the government mandated disillusion of WWE a few years back. Most recently McMahon had been slumming it by working death matches, of all things, in KingInTheNorth's revamped NWA promotion. McMahon has long been criticized for being hopelessly out of touch but that might actually be to his benefit working in a Baker-run promotion. Every year around this time a Baker promotion will surface and miraculously manage to win a few territorial pissing matches despite the fact that the enigmatic Baker seems to think wrestling stopped evolving sometime in 1996. While he will occasionally make concessions by bringing in more modern wrestlers, his booking and promoting style is forever stuck in 1995 at the very latest. So from that standpoint Vince McMahon should be a perfect fit. 

I: Incense and Iron

*Baker in WOW Magazine

I am honored to be bringing Mr. McMahon to WOW. Whether people want to admit it or not, almost every wrestling fan alive today owes a debt of gratitude to Mr. Vincent Kennedy McMahon. He is the reason the vast majority of them became fans of this great form of entertainment in the first place. Look in your hearts and you'll know I'm right. I have always been an unapologetic Vince McMahon supporter. He is one of my heroes. Vince McMahon doesn't have two children. He has millions, and I am one of them. I was raised on Vince McMahon's WWF and I look forward to working alongside the master. Bringing Vince in can only make WOW better. 

-Three weeks later Vince McMahon engineered a successful hostile takeover bid to become the sole power behind WOW. Baker, ever the starstruck, hero-worshiping idiot, accepted his humiliating new role as a lowly commentator where he is forced to imitate a pre-Attitude Era McMahon on Vince's orders. 

Baker sensed the end was near when it was already too late. His very last act as the mastermind behind WOW was an odd one indeed. He made his longtime nemesis Lana Star the legitimate Executive Producer of WOW. I personally think the poor guy snapped. Vince's coup broke his brain. 

II: In The Name of God aka: Vincebus Rex

McMahon's first order of business upon completing his hostile takeover of WOW was to have the entire roster sign a loyalty pledge stating they would never, ever leave WOW for any reason. In return, McMahon guaran(damn)teed them lifetime jobs with the company.

III: Amen and Attack

One by one the stars of WOW bent the knee after hearing Vince's clarion call. Most didn't even need prodding. Several wrestlers (mostly main eventers) who had good dealings with Vince in the past signed the loyalty pledge immediately because they genuinely think Vince is a genius. A slightly larger number signed the loyalty pledge simply because they wanted to continue doing their job of wrestling in exchange for money. It's just business for these folks. A 3rd group of stars who had problems with Vince in the past held out for a little while longer, but even Ultimate Warrior, Jeff Jarrett, and Sable ultimately bent the knee, with Chyna following a few days later. Within a week 22 active wrestlers and all WOW staff, including Baker, had signed Vince's loyalty pledge. Only one holdout remained.....

None other than "The Fabulous" Lana Star. Ironically most insiders, including Meltzer, thought Vince & Lana would be a perfect fit. Most expected Lana to be pushed to the moon under Vince's watch. We all failed to realize one thing about Lana Star.....She isn't going to bend the knee for anyone. 

Naturally Vince was none to pleased by this insubordination. So we got the predictable....



 Yep. That's right. Lana Star literally laughed in Vince McMahon's face. See, the Executive Producer contract she signed with Baker prohibits Vince from firing her. BUT now it was Vince's turn to strike back. Vince can't fire Lana outright..........but he CAN book her in a Loser Leaves Town Match. And that's exactly what he did. At our next pay per view, The Last Stand, it'll be "The Fabulous" Lana Star vs. Chyna....in a Steel Cage.....with Mr. Vince McMahon as the special guest referee....in a LOSER LEAVES TOWN MATCH....for the Women's Championship because why not? Oh. My. God. All the dimes!

----------------------------------------

World of Wrestling
Presents....
From the House That Lana Built
In Lanangeles, California
Lana's Last Stand

or in Vince speak....

World of Wrestling
Presents....
From the Great Western Forum
In Los Angeles, California
The Last Stand

Event Theme



 vs. 

1. Kyle O'Reilly vs. Toru Yano- Grudge Match

 vs. 
2. Waylon Mercy vs. James Storm- Mercy's In Ring Debut

 vs. 
3. Booker T (c) vs. Bobby Lashley- TV Title Match

 vs.  vs. 
4. 5. Sable vs. Judy Martin vs. Bianca Belair- #1 Contender Triple Threat Match

 vs. 
5. 4. New Age Outlaws (c) vs. The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen- Tag Title Match

 vs. 
6. Rick Rude vs. Batista- Grudge Match

 vs. 
7. Jeff Jarrett vs. Arn Anderson- Horsemen Rules Match

 vs. 
8. Ultimate Warrior (c) vs. Sid- WOW Championship Match

 vs. 
9. Ric Flair vs. The Rock- #1 Contender Match

vs. 
10. Chyna (c) vs. "The Fabulous Lana Star- Women's Championship Cage Match


w/ Vince McMahon as Special Guest Referee

Baker please post your full entry. When I go to your second reply in the PM and try to quote it so I can copy/paste the bb code, it's just blank. Same thing that happened to 🤯's last entry.

Next year we'll have to watch that since the boards are shitty when it comes to bb code. quoting within quotes in private messages sometimes just deletes everything on the other end.

Baker-man, I don't know what didn't get posted but I fucking love what's there. I'm letting my inmates run the asylum, and I'm attending your show instead!

It’s gonna be a little while before I can post my card. I’ll have to do it from my laptop and I won’t be home for a few more hours.

This is tough , I'm going to go with Baker because he did more in a tougher position that I've been in before and I enjoy his final product for what it is. PI has great elements to his card as well , namely Angle/Bret and Taz/Shamrock but I don't need to see a ton of those matches and I don't love the main event. Even if it fits with his vision.

Great stuff by both.

Here is everything. RT's opening post was missing most of the hype for this coming show.

Jun 14, 2019 4:24:17 GMT Baker said:

WOW Extreme Epistolary Epicness Results

1. The League of Extraordinary Gentleman defeated Kyle O'Reilly & Toru Yano- This was mostly the Gentlemen clowning on O'Reilly & Yano before Gallagher pinned Toru for the win. The only flurries of offense the heels could muster came about through cheating. Even then the British babyfaces would soon turn the tide with their superior teamwork and technique. O'Reilly turned on Yano after the match, berating him for being "a clown."

2. Bobby Lashley pinned Dan Spivey to win a rather lethargic Hoss Fight after slipping out of a Powerbomb and coming back with a Dominator for the 1-2-3.

3. Booker T pinned James Storm to retain the TV Championship in a 10 minute back and forth match with a few too many superkicks. Storm survived the Bookend and Axe Kick before succumbing to the Harlem Hangover. The two men shook hands after the match to cheers from an appreciative crowd.

4. Chyna pinned Judy Martin to retain the Women's Title in a 6 minute bombfest between the two Hossettes. Martin threw a lot at Chyna, but the 9th Wonder of the World survived, Hulked Up, and ended Martin's quest for the crown with a ring rattling "Drip Dry" Powerbomb of her own. Ever the sportswoman, Chyna helped a groggy Martin to her feet after the match.

5. New Age Outlaws regained the Tag Team Championship by defeating Double Trouble in a Texas Tornado Match when Jeff Jarrett accidentally hit Arn Anderson with a guitar shot. Arn had been holding Road Dogg for El Kabong until Billy Gunn intervened at the last second. It looked to me like JJ had enough time to hold his shot but I guess not? Billy pinned Arn seconds later.

6. Sid defeated Batista in a Powerbomb Match with a.....Powerbomb (duh). This was another slow, sloppy Hossfest. Yet unlike Spivey/Lashley the crowd was into this one due to the charisma of the combatants. These two just have "it." Sid hit a Chokeslam. Batista hit a Spinebusters. Both men taunted quite a bit. Sid backdropped out of the Batista Bomb and followed up with a connected Powerbomb of his own to win this Clash of the Titans.

7. Lana Star did indeed start off her match against Sable with a vicious slap to the face. Yet Sable quickly responded with an even stiffer slap of her own that sent Lana straight down to the canvas. Lana spent the next five minutes nursing her wound while jawing with Sable, the ref, the commentary team, the fans, and anybody else within earshot. This was a sloppy match with lots of Lana stalling. Yet the red pink hot crowd was into every single slap and hair pull. Perhaps the strangest turn of events in WOW to date occurred here when a noisy minority started cheering for Lana Star! It wasn't many, mind you. These pink clad Lanaholics daring to rage against the machine couldn't have consisted of more than 10% of the audience, but they were there, and they were loud. Lana has since dubbed them the "Pinked Herstars," and surely that super awkward name couldn't possibly have been devised just for a throwaway gag later in this writeup, right? RIGHT? Anyway, Lana caught Sable off guard by feigning an injury and connected with a dreaded Lana Star Facelift on the napping Sable. 1-2-NO! Sable survives! Lana throws a hissy fit. She then went to the corner to dig in her pink purse, looking for either her "Lanatude" perfume or perhaps her patented mirror. Yet we never did find out because Sable snatched Lana up by the hair and hit her with a spinning Firewoman's Carry Cutter known as the TKO. 1-2-NO. Sable lifts Lana up....for the Sable Bomb! It connects! 1-2-3! Sable is your winner! Lana has once again tasted bitter defeat. As a side note, there sure are a lot of powerbombs in this fed....

8. Ric Flair defeated Rick Rude in a Respect Match. After 10 minutes of taunting, stalling, mat wrestling, and jockeying for position, Rude scored with a game changing low blow to take control in this Battle of Manhood. Rude spent the next few minutes working over Flair's "lower abdomen," though some of those shots looked a little below the belt to us, and those Inverted Atomic Drops were undeniably dick centric. Flair was writhing in pain while Rude was swiveling his hips and feeling good about life. Flair mounted a few comebacks with Flair Chops, but Rude would always cut him off with questionably placed strikes to the "lower abdomen." The crowd got behind Flair the longer the match went. Surely Rude's insults had something to do with that. As did his unsportsmanlike behavior. For most men have felt the searing pain of the low blow. Rude was looking to finally end it with his patented Rude Awakening when Ric Flair countered with the mother of all mule kicks right to Rude's dick. OUCH! Payback is a bitch. Rude was rolling around on the canvas screaming in pain, making him easy pickings for Flair, who covered for the 1-2-3 to end the greatest dick psychology match of all time. Post-match saw Rude hem and haw before finally saying "I Respect You" in a high pitched voice which brought even more howls of laughter from the crowd. A triumphant Flair strutted and "WOO'ed" while the satisfied crowd taunted poor Rick Rude on his long, painful walk back to the dressing room.

9. Ultimate Warrior pinned The Rock to retain the WOW Championship in a 20 minute smoke and mirrors spectacle which garnered surprising **** reviews from most critics (Meltzer actually gave it *****1/4 but nobody got too excited about that since it's only the equivalent to ***3/4 on his old scale). The memorable finishing stretch, which borrowed from Hogan/Warrior, saw Rock hit the Rock Bottom-People's Elbow combo. Warrior kicked out at 2.9 and Warriored Up. Then Warrior hit the Gorilla Press Drop-Splash. This time Rocky kicked out at 2.9. By this point the crowd (which had leaned pro-Warrior all match) became unglued with all your favorite modern chants. Warrior charged right into a Rock Bottom! But this time he dodged the People's Elbow and rebounded with another big splash. It connects! 1-2-3! The Warrior has retained the WOW Championship in a battle for the ages!

*Following this show WOW acquired the services of Vince McMahon & Bianca Belair from KITN 's now defunct NWA promotion.

---------------------------

Lion From The North

Vince McMahon: Story of a Life in Three Chapters

Prologue

*From the Wrestling Observer Newsletter

One of the biggest stories this week is Vince McMahon signing with Baker's World of Wrestling promotion. The once mighty McMahon had fallen on hard times ever since the government mandated disillusion of WWE a few years back. Most recently McMahon had been slumming it by working death matches, of all things, in KingInTheNorth's revamped NWA promotion. McMahon has long been criticized for being hopelessly out of touch but that might actually be to his benefit working in a Baker-run promotion. Every year around this time a Baker promotion will surface and miraculously manage to win a few territorial pissing matches despite the fact that the enigmatic Baker seems to think wrestling stopped evolving sometime in 1996. While he will occasionally make concessions by bringing in more modern wrestlers, his booking and promoting style is forever stuck in 1995 at the very latest. So from that standpoint the out of touch McMahon should fit in perfectly.

I: Incense and Iron

*Baker in WOW Magazine

I am honored to be bringing Mr. McMahon to WOW. Whether people want to admit it or not, almost every wrestling fan alive today owes a debt of gratitude to Mr. Vincent Kennedy McMahon. He's the reason the vast majority of them became fans of this great form of entertainment in the first place. Look in your hearts and you'll know I'm right. I have always been an unapologetic Vince McMahon supporter regardless of how uncool it may have been. He is one of my heroes. Vince McMahon doesn't have two children. He has millions, and I am one of them. Like so many of those folks, I was raised on Vince McMahon's WWF and I look forward to working alongside the master. Bringing Vince in can only make WOW better.

-Three weeks later Vince McMahon engineered a successful hostile takeover bid to become the sole power behind WOW. Baker, ever the starstruck, hero-worshiping idiot, accepted his humiliating new role as a lowly commentator where he is forced to imitate a pre-Attitude Era McMahon on Vince's orders.

Baker sensed the end was near when it was already too late. His very last act as the mastermind behind WOW was an odd one indeed. He made his longtime nemesis Lana Star the legitimate Executive Producer of WOW. I personally think the poor guy snapped. Vince's coup broke his brain.

II: In The Name of God aka: Vincebus Rex

McMahon's first order of business upon completing his hostile takeover of WOW was to have the entire roster sign a loyalty pledge stating they would never, ever leave WOW for any reason. In return, McMahon guaran(damn)teed them lifetime jobs with the company.

III: Amen and Attack

One by one the stars of WOW bent the knee after hearing Vince's clarion call. Most didn't even need any prodding. Several wrestlers (mostly main eventers) who had good dealings with Vince in the past signed the loyalty pledge immediately because they genuinely think Vince is a genius who will cause business to boom. A slightly larger number signed the loyalty pledge simply because they wanted to continue doing their job of wrestling in exchange for money. It's just business for these folks. A 3rd group of stars who had problems with Vince in the past held out for a little while longer, but even Ultimate Warrior, Jeff Jarrett, and Sable ultimately bent the knee, with Chyna following a few days later. Within a week 22 active wrestlers and all WOW staff, including Baker, had signed Vince's loyalty pledge. Only one holdout remained.....

None other than "The Fabulous" Lana Star. Ironically most insiders, including Meltzer, thought Vince and Lana would be a perfect fit. Most expected Lana to be pushed to the moon under Vince's watch. We all failed to realize one thing about Lana Star.....She isn't going to bend the knee for anyone.

Naturally Vince was none to pleased by this insubordination. So we got the predictable....





 Yep. That's right. Lana Star literally laughed in Vince McMahon's face. See, the Executive Producer contract she signed with Baker prohibits Vince from firing her. BUT now it was Vince's turn to strike back. Vince can't fire Lana outright..........but he CAN book her in a Loser Leaves Town Match. And that's exactly what he did. At our next pay per view, The Last Stand, it'll be "The Fabulous" Lana Star vs. Chyna....in a Steel Cage.....with Mr. Vince McMahon as the special guest referee....in a LOSER LEAVES TOWN MATCH....for the Women's Championship because why not? Oh. My. God. All the dimes!

----------------------------------------

World of Wrestling
Presents....
From the House That Lana Built
In Lanangeles, California
Lana's Last Stand

or in Vince speak....

World of Wrestling
Presents....
From the Great Western Forum
In Los Angeles, California
The Last Stand

Event Theme





vs.

1. Kyle O'Reilly vs. Toru Yano- Grudge Match

Former partners explode! O'Reilly thinks Yano is a joke who has no business being in a wrestling ring while "The Clown Prince of Wrestling" thinks O'Reilly is a stuck up bore who isn't half as good as he thinks he is. Expect a lot of hilarious hijinks when these two struggling competitors desperate for a win kick off The Land Stand with a bang.

vs.

2. Waylon Mercy vs. James Storm- Mercy's In Ring Debut

Ever since the last pay per view we have been witness to a series of strange vignettes touting the arrival of bizarre newcomer Waylon Mercy. Mercy recently provided special guest commentary during a James Storm squash where he was complimentary of "The Cowboy." Mercy entered the ring and offered his fellow Southerner a handshake. Storm didn't know how to take the odd Mercy so he did what he always does when faced with a problem. He Superkicked it! Now Waylon Mercy wants to make an example out of Storm in his debut match. In completely unrelated news Dan Spivey seems to have disappeared off the face of the earth. The Skyscraper hasn't been seen or heard from since his loss to Lashley at the last pay per view.

vs.

3. Booker T (c) vs. Bobby Lashley- TV Title Match

Newcomer Bobby Lashley has racked up an impressive string of wins, highlighted by downing Spivey at our last pay per view. Booker T, ever the fighting champ, offered the impressive newcomer a TV Title shot to continue his quest to become the greatest TV Champion of all time.

vs.vs.

4. 5. Sable vs. Judy Martin vs. Bianca Belair- #1 Contender Triple Threat Match

Sable & Judy Martin engaged in a heated war of words that turned physical. Both ladies are desperate to get back into Women's Title contention after their recent setbacks to Chyna. Another strange thing has happened with the working class Judy Martin beginning to win over the fans while the increasingly arrogant Sable is starting to lose some popularity.

Baker was extremely high on recent signee Bianca Belair, cryptically claiming "she wrestles just like 1996 action figure league Jeff Gaylord!" Now this sounds like an insult to us. Jeff Gaylord sucked! But Baker was very enthusiastic and seemed sincere in his....praise(?). This strange take is just the sort of thing that Baker's (few) supporters would praise as being "enigmatic" while the staid folk of the Internet Wrestling Community would dismiss as merely "odd."

Anyway, the athletic newcomer sent Sable & Martin's plans into a state of confusion when she signed on for this match, making it a 3 Way, and shaking up the women's division in the process.

It's worth noting that all three ladies have complained about Lana Star falling up in the world. They have a point.....

vs.

5. 4. New Age Outlaws (c) vs. The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen- Tag Title Match

Here you have the ultimate styles clash with big, Southern sports entertainers against undersized British technicians with the coveted WOW Tag Titles hanging in the balance. This unique first time ever encounter will either be the sleeper MOTN or bowling shoe ugly.

vs.

6. Rick Rude vs. Batista- Grudge Match

These two bonafide superstars are both on uncharacteristic losing streaks. Something has to give when "The Animal" meets "The Ravishing One." This all started when Rude was bragging about having the best body in WOW. Batista took offense. They had a posedown. Crowd sided with Big Dave. So Rude attacked. The winner will catapult himself right back into title contention while the loser risks slipping further down the ladder into undercard obscurity.

QUADRUPLE MAIN EVENT

vs.

7. Jeff Jarrett vs. Arn Anderson- Horsemen Rules Match

Ric Flair had the estranged members of Double Trouble meet in a Summit on our first TV show following the last pay per view. After some initial folderol....

AA: I understand, Jeff. Accidents happen. Pro wrestling ain't ballet. Friendly fire is inevitable. Even Horsemen make mistakes. It's partially my fault anyway because I still haven't completed your training. It won't happen again. Apologize. Then let's go back out there, kick some ass, and bring home some more gold. In short, let's get back Horsemen business! Put 'er there, partner.

*JJ shakes Arn's hand. Arn holds up four fingers while Jarrett struts....

Until...

EL KABONG!

Oh My God! Jeff Jarrett just clocked Arn with a second guitar shot! This was no accident!

Arn bleeds. The boos reign down. Double Trouble is officially dead 

AA *mock clopping*- Ya got me, Jarrett. Ya got me real good. *holding his bandaged head* Fair play to ya, kid. Ya know, I never wanted anything to do with ya in the first place. It was all Ric's idea. Ric saw something in ya, kid. He said to me, "Double A! This Jarrett kid has potential. I see greatness in him. He just needs a little more training...a bit more guidance....some seasoning. And I want YOU to be his trainer. Teach him the Ways of the Horsemen. Make him great. You and I can't go on forever. Somebody needs to carry The Horsemen into the next generation. I think Jeff Jarrett is the man for that job."

Well, I hemmed and I hawed, but in the end I did what Ric said. Because The Horsemen are bigger than any one man! The Horsemen are a way of life! What's good for one is good for all! So I soon came around to Ric's line of thinking. You DID have potential. With the right training you COULD have become great...

You were the Chosen One! You were supposed to save The Horsemen, not destroy it! So, yeah, Jarrett. Ya got me good. BUT YOU MADE ONE FATAL MISTAKE! I'M STILL BREATHING! YA SHOULD HAVE FINISHED THE JOB WHEN YA HAD THE CHANCE! AND NOW IT'S PAYBACK TIME!

See, I may have taught you everything YOU know about this great business, but I didn't teach you everything I know. *points to head* I have broken men's arms! I have shattered their legs! I have busted them open, dished out concussions, put 'em in the hospital, and sent more men to the morgue than The Great War! And that was just in the line of duty! I had no real quarrel with most of those men! I was just doin' my job! But you, Jeff Jarrett *laughing* You pissed me off! And you failed to finish the job! You had one chance! And ya didn't get it done. Because I'm still breathing. You're in for a world of hurt, son. It ain't gonna be pretty. It ain't gonna be fun. But it's gonna be DAMN satisfying when I beat you within an inch of your life....

AND THEN FINISH THE JOB!

*holds up four fingers* and does his 'throat slash' taunt

JJ- Hahaha You're damn right I'm the Chosen One. You can't spell Chosen One without J-E-Double F hahaha J-A-Double R-E-Double T. hahaha That spells Jeff Jarrett. The world's greatest singer. The world's greatest entertainer. The world's greatest wrestler. AND THE WORLD'S GREATEST HORSEMAN! Hahaha Ain't I great? hahaha I'm MORE than great. I am the Chosen One! I fight with honor! I slayed the dragon! I made it happen! Big, bad Arn Anderson....."The Enforcer".....I knocked you out twice! And the only reason I didn't finish the job is because I know I can do it again ANY. TIME. I. WANT. So why not end your career once and for all on pay per view? Where I can draw....

ALL

THE

DIMES!!!

P.S. Ric, you're next.

*Double J Strut*

*Horsemen Rules Match just means Anything Goes. It's like a No DQ Match.

vs.

8. Ultimate Warrior (c) vs. Sid- WOW Championship Match

Roids. Testosterone. Steroids. These are the building blocks of pro wrestling. You're wrong if you disagree. And this match has the Building Blocks of Pro Wresting in spades. This match will put hair on your chest. Hell, I'll even go a step further. There will be enough manly energy in this ring to put hair back on my head! The problem with ROIDS! TESTOSTERONE! and SHOUTING! is these things don't lend themselves to patience. So these guys are going on 3rd from the top rather than the main event because THEY JUST CAN'T WAIT.

POWAH OF THE WAWYAH vs. MASTER AND RULER OF THE WORLD

WOW Championship at stake

OH MY GOD!

vs.

9. Ric Flair vs. The Rock- #1 Contender Match

These two mic masters have been killing each other with zingers while amusing wrestling fans around the world in the process. One of our shows had these two go back and forth on the mic for an unprecedented 30 minutes! And not a single person in the crowd or watching at home felt cheated. Two of the most charismatic wrestlers to ever lace up the boots will meet in their most high profile match to date with the winner going on to meet the WOW Champion while the loser has to live with the painful fact that he will never, ever be the GOAT.

vs.

10. Chyna (c) vs. "The Fabulous Lana Star- Women's Championship Cage Match



w/ Vince McMahon as Special Guest Referee

Chyna is ecstatic about finally getting Lana Star right where she wants her......In a cage. Nowhere to run. Nowhere to hide. Chyna cannot wait to give Lana the righteous beating she has been asking for for over a year. Chyna (and most of our fans) feel like this is her reward for carrying Women's Wrestling over the years. Chyna doesn't care about Vince so long as he does his job. But if Vince gets in the way of Chyna's massacre then he'll catch a beatdown too.

Dear Patti,

Look, I'm glad you enjoyed the last Pay Per View. It actually sucked, but whatever. That feels like a million years ago. I have far more pressing concerns right now. I'm in the biggest fight of my life. I can't believe I'm saying this, but I actually miss that idiotic dweeb Baker. At least with Baker I knew where I stood. He was the enemy, but at least I knew my enemy. I understood what he was capable of (not much) and was therefore capable of countering his 3rd rate machinations half-asleep with my eyes closed.

The new Boss is a million times worse and a billion times creepier. Vince McMahon, you may have heard of him? Anyway, he wanted me to sign a loyalty pledge! As if! What kind of nonsense is that? Well, yeah, I made you sign one, but come on! You're just lowly little Patti Pizzazz while I am "The Fabulous" Lana Star! As if I would ever pledge loyalty to that ugly old Viagra addict. *shudders* The gall of that man!

Anyway, he had me in a pickle. He was going to fire me! ME! LANA STAR! FIRED! Can you BELIEVE the audacity of this jerk?!? But sweet, stupid, naive Baker finally saw the light and made my Executive Producer role official. So Vince couldn't fire me! Hahaha! That's exactly what I did too. I got right up in his stupid, wrinkled, old man prune face and laughed at him.

Lana: 1 Vince: 0

But then that clever bastard came up with a Plan B- Me, "The Fabulous" Lana Star, against that oversized uggo Chyna in a Cage Match. Soooooo unfair! I'm not an animal! And Chyna isn't a woman! And then that evil dictator Vince added insult to injury by making himself the special guest referee. Patti, I'm only saying this once, and I'll never, ever repeat it....

I was ready to cry. What they did to me....what they plan on doing...it's SO UNFAIR! Lana under siege....outnumbered....left to die....no escape and no salvation.....

WHEN THE PINKED HERSTARS ARRIVED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

They saved me, Patti. My fans. With their pink shirts and Lana signs. Outnumbered 15 to 1. Yet they came. They cheered. They threw things at mean old crooked Vince and that hideous brute Chyna. A few got kicked out. Many more were knocked down. Yet still they would not yield. I never envisioned myself as the savior of the broken, the beaten, and the damned, but the world needed a heroine, and no woman anywhere in the world is more up to the task than....

"The Fabulous" Lana Star
xoxo

P.S. Please wish me luck, Patti. For the first time in my life I feel like I might need it....

If I have to go down at least I went down swinging against a worthy opponent in my man 🤯.

My favorite part of his show was the Mr. Backlund/Hurricane/Molly stuff. That was great. I also like how he covered for the Balls Mahoney faux pas and the Batman stuff. PI definitely brought his A Game. I expected nothing less.

I'm going to have to go with Pi here for his top matches, not really into his undercard but Shamrock vs Taz, Bret vs Angle, and Benoit vs Eddie it would take a lot from Bake to top that and it just wasn't there.

I voted for Baker basically because 🤯 put together a shit show. I mean, I know I post a lot of pics and gifs, but this was a SPAM fest of pics/gifs. I couldn't even follow and understand what the fuck was going on. Kong slams Jazz (shows Big Show gif) wtf?! I didn't like it and thought it was a really bad entry. No offense; you know I love you. I just expect more from you. This was chaotic crap.

Baker got hit with the "drunkRT" post, but he fixed it and told his story. I waited until he posted it to vote and I think it was good enough to win this match up. I think the Lana letters has hit it's conclusion here anyways, but he had a great run and great story to tell. Enjoyed reading it throughout.

Not that it matters, because it looks like 3.14 will be my opponent, but I hope he switches it up a little bit and gets more focused & neater for the Finals.

Jun 21, 2019 12:29:53 GMT KING KID said:

I voted for Baker basically because 🤯 put together a shit show. I mean, I know I post a lot of pics and gifs, but this was a SPAM fest of pics/gifs. I couldn't even follow and understand what the fuck was going on. Kong slams Jazz (shows Big Show gif) wtf?! I didn't like it and thought it was a really bad entry. No offense; you know I love you. I just expect more from you. This was chaotic crap.

Baker got hit with the "drunkRT" post, but he fixed it and told his story. I waited until he posted it to vote and I think it was good enough to win this match up. I think the Lana letters has hit it's conclusion here anyways, but he had a great run and great story to tell. Enjoyed reading it throughout.

Not that it matters, because it looks like 3.14 will be my opponent, but I hope he switches it up a little bit and gets more focused & neater for the Finals.

Depends on how high I get/am.

Also, you had to use your imagination!

I'd love if there was a gif of the wrestlers themselves doing the spots I'm describing to each other.

And but also, for the record...Big Show is such a clearly immediate stand-in for Awesome Kong, just like Brock is such a clearly immediate stand-in for Jazz.

:lol:

This feels like shiny, well-oiled WWE shitting on some poor little bingo hall promotion's infinitely inferior production quality... because they sense a threat!!

P.S. plus you're the neighborhood dealer who got me hooked on gifs.

Now I feel bad.

I still want my money for the drugs!

Jun 21, 2019 13:31:46 GMT KING KID said:

Now I feel bad.

I still want my money for the drugs!

They are POWERFUL drugs.

I read through 🤯's card. Meh match after meh match. Then I saw Rob Van Dam vs Sabu and everything changed. The top four main events are all phenomenal. Especially Taz vs Shamrock. Holy shit. So I'd turn up three hours late for PI's show and catch the last two hours. Not a bad way to spend an evening.

You can basically copy and paste that for Baker's card. Except it's even worse because there's only one match I'd really like to see. Flair vs Rock. Nothing else appeals. Despite another creative and amusing writeup (I particularly like the fan fic kayfabe breaking at the start, referencing Vince wrestling in KOTN's promotion), this time it's not enough to overcome a superior card.

🤯 has to steal Lana Star and continue Baker's legacy, or he will never overcome RT or Kid in the final. It's the only way. Do it.

Congrats to 🤯 on a hard fought win. I never like losing but if I have to go down at least it was at the hands of my main man PI.

Jun 21, 2019 19:36:36 GMT Emperor said:

🤯 has to steal Lana Star and continue Baker's legacy, or he will never overcome RT or Kid in the final. It's the only way. Do it.

Seconded. Only with Lana can you possibly derail KING KID juggernaut.

Jun 21, 2019 12:29:53 GMT KING KID said:

I think the Lana letters has hit it's conclusion here anyways

You're partially right. The letter writing gimmick honestly started to wear thin on me during the 2nd round. There's only so many ways to have Lana call everybody a "big dumb oaf" or an "ugly dweeb." That's why I cut back on it for a more traditional card in Round 3. But....(to be continued)

I thought I'd get more heat in Round 2 for relying so heavily on an undrafted wrestler in Patti Pizzazz. 
-----------------------------
Here is how my Round 3 card would have played out....

1. Toru Yano cheats to defeat Kyle O'Reilly. O'Reilly throws a temper tantrum after the match in the style of 01-02 Christian and fans soon take to calling him "Crybaby" O'Reilly.

2. James Storm spoils Waylon Mercy's debut with a Superkick for the win, meaning the Waylon Mercy character is dead on arrival.

3. Fighting champ Booker T retains the TV Title with a clean win over Bobby Lashley in a ** match. The two shake hands after the bout.

4. New Age Outlaws retain the Tag Titles over the League of Extraordinary Gentlemen in a "bowling shoe ugly" style clash where the Outlaws are either unwilling or incapable of wrestling the Brits style.

5. Bianca Belair defeats Sable and Judy Martin in a Triple Threat #1 Contenders Match by pinning Martin. An equally big story here was Sable wrestling a cowardly, heelish style by picking her spots while letting the other two do most of the work. 

6. Batista pinned Rick Rude following a Batista Bomb. Rude remains winless on pay per view.

Quadruple Main Event!

7. I thought I'd get more love for the Double J vs. Double A storyline. Shame on you guys. Jeff Jarrett shocks the WOW Universe when he defeats Arn Anderson in a bloody Horsemen Rules Match by out cheating one of the all time great cheaters. 

8. Ultimate Warrior retains the WOW Championship by defeating Sid in a bad match with a red hot crowd.

9. Ric Flair defeats The Rock to become #1 Contender to the WOW Championship he lost to Warrior a few months back.

10. Lana Star regains the WOW Women's Championship by defeating Chyna in a Loser Leaves Town Cage Match when special guest referee Vince McMahon turned on Chyna.

This was it. The Big One. Everything had been leading to this. And I planted the seeds beautifully with some epic foreshadowing....

"It's worth noting that all three ladies have complained about Lana Star falling up in the world. They have a point....."

Chyna was the last wrestler to sign Vince's loyalty pledge....

"A 3rd group of stars who had problems with Vince in the past held out a little while longer, but even Ultimate Warrior, Jeff Jarrett, and Sable ultimately bent the knee, with Chyna following a few days later."

Chyna toyed with Lana in the early going. Vince called it straight down the middle early with the idea being he wouldn't have to reveal his true colors yet if Lana could win on her own. Obviously she couldn't. So Vince started enforcing the rules more strictly. His counts were increasingly slower. He made Chyna break her submission holds before they could even be properly applied. Finally he grabbed Lana's feet to pull her out of a powerbomb. Chyna went to confront him. Vince gave her the finger. Chyna choked him. Lana hit Chyna in the back with her pink purse. It was ineffective. So Chyna turned around to lift Lana in a two handed chokehold. But Lana had already grabbed her "Lanatude" perfume. She sprayed Chyna in the eyes. Then Lana clobbered a blind Chyna with the dreaded mirror shot. One Vince quick count later and we had a NEEEWWW Women's Champion. The crowd booed. Trash was thrown. This was too much even for Lana's loyal fans. She now had a 0% approval rating. Vince & Lana embraced. Their dastardly deed complete. All the fans fooled. WOW now has its King and Queen. Vince & Lana rule wrestling. Turns out it was love at first sight. Vince had always intended on pushing Lana to the moon while Lana thought she could use Vince's billions and Hollywood connections to become an even bigger star. Who can possibly stop this dastardly duo?
-----------------------------
*This was going to be my next show if I won....

WOW steals.....

A short man from Texas....

A man of can do....

Eddie Guerrero!

And...

It's the nature of time
That the old ways must give in
It's the nature of time
That the new ways come in sin
When the new meets the old
It always ends the ancient ways
And as history told
The old ways go out in a blaze
Encircled by a vulture
The end of ancient culture
The dawn of destiny draws near

Or does it?

Bret Hart!

WOW Presents....
Live from Madison Square Garden in New York City....
Vince McMahonia I

1. "Crybaby" Kyle O'Reilly is too young, athletic, and hard hitting for old man Johnny Saint to overcome.

2. The ungentlemanly Toru Yano cheats to beat "Gentleman" Jack Gallagher in a Nice Guys Finish Last story.

3. James Storm defeats Bobby Lashley 

^Maybe pre-show matches?

4. Sable goes full heel to defeat Judy Martin

5. Arn Anderson defeats Booker T to become the new TV Champ.

*An appalled Patti Pizzazz writes Lana an angry letter. This time even Patti thinks Lana went too far.

*Lana writes her back with gloating, stealth insults, and her usual Queenly behavior. Lana is on top of the world and she won't be brought down by a loser like Patti Pizzazz.

6. Lana Star vs. Bianca Belair- Women's Title Match

*Actually not sure how this one would play out. Either Bianca squashes Lana to set up Bianca/Chyna at the next show or Lana wins with the help of her newest followers, Lana's Angels, which would be Sable and maybe Judy or Kyle. I dunno. Hadn't thought it all the way through yet.

*I was going to a Bakeriffic segment with the New Age Outlaws "lost on tour, searching for the cure" with obscure early 2000s band Bad Ronald because alienating my audience is what I do. 

7. Skyscrapers squash the (potentially high) New Age Outlaws to become Tag Champs.

8. Bret Hart debuts with a clean victory over Rick Rude

*Rude insulted the Canadian fans on TV and issued an open challenge. That challenge was answered by the debuting "Hitman."

9. Rock vs. Eddie Guerrero- Not sure who wins.

10. Ultimate Warrior defeats Batista in a Grudge Match

*Flair earned a title shot by beating Rock at the last PPV. That match took place on TV. A mystery assailant attacked Warrior backstage before the match, injuring the Ultimate knee in the process. That came into play later when Warrior's knee gave out on the Gorilla Press Drop. Flair fell on top of Warrior to score the 1-2-3. The mystery attacker would of course be Batista. This is Warrior's revenge. 

11. "Nature Boy" Ric Flair vs. "Nature Boy" Jeff Jarrett- WOW Championship

*JJ has taken the Ric Flair cosplay all the way. He's now calling himself "The Nature Boy" and assembling his own group of Horsemen with James Storm as his "Arn." I was leaning toward JJ winning this and becoming the sole owner of the Nature Boy & Horsemen names. Hey, you can never say I play it safe in these drafts. I just do what feels right. JJ as basically the male Lana Star in terms of push and prominence just feels right. 

12. Chyna sends the fans home happy by pummeling Vince McMahon to conclude this pay per view extravaganza named after the tyrannical boss.
----------------------

EDIT: Eureka! I just came up with next year's Big Idea. What will it be? Who will be next year's Lana Star? I leave you with only this hint and a promise of greatness....

I hope to do right by my beloved Baker-man in the finals, and wish it had been against him in the finals if our paths were destined to cross. I feel a little icky taking out one of my heroes here. I might have to pull a Pitbull and pull in more talented artists to ensure my continued success; i.e., hire Bake as an inside outside consultant.

Anyway...

For steals, let's go with the last ECW Champion that mattered: Vince McMahon

And...

The reigning, defending, undefeated, undisputed WOW Women's Champion: Lana Star

Oh my god he did it!



Lana Star!

Jun 24, 2019 15:59:47 GMT 🤯 said:

The reigning, defending, undefeated, undisputed WOW Women's Champion: Lana Star

The absolute madman!
Balls of steel!

With all due respect to KING KID , 🤯 has to be the odds on favorite now. Lana is a draw, baby! And Lana in an ECW themed fed is the stuff dreams are made of....or nightmares from Lana's perspective.

Nice power play, 🤯.