May 30, 2020 14:58:32 GMT 🤯 said:

Lots in here to re-read, digest, and respond to.

Briefly, re: the toxic masculinity thing—

Wife echoed Foos in that those great traits iNCY listed shouldn't be considered exclusively for males. Suppose I'll agree, even though my initial read was only a half-baked "hell yeah, these traits would make for an epic good man!"

I think the toxic masculinity she wants me to avoid is things like only saying/doing x because you're a boy or y because you're a girl. I said something joking to the effect of I wished we were having a girl so that I could dance with her in the kitchen while making food. To which Wife quickly countercorrected me to say I can absolutely dance with a boy.

Think it probably also relates to emoting as a dad, especially to a boy, as male to male communication and expression of emotion can be a challenge regardless of relationship. Reminds me of how PI3 would randomly pop by my room when growing up and say "I love you. I want to make sure I say that more than my dad did."

So the positive traits are not masculinity, but the negative ones are?
Don't let anyone make you ashamed for being born male. Yes, some assholes gave us a bad name, but literally why is it only okay to tar all men with the same brush.

And of course when you delve into these areas it's always easy to quote exceptions, but as much as we pretend gender roles don't exist, boys still gravitate to playing with guns and cars and girls with dolls... Yes, not all girls and not all boys but they are tendencies that exist completely separate to social pressures and influences.

I am 100% going to raise my girls to pursue whatever they want to pursue, gender bias be damned, but I am not going to raise them to ignore all the wonderful things that make females special and different compared to men... Likewise I would have raised a son in the same way,to embrace the positive attributes of masculinity.

Equal doesn't mean the same, it means equal.

May 30, 2020 16:00:18 GMT iNCY said:

May 30, 2020 14:58:32 GMT 🤯 said:

Lots in here to re-read, digest, and respond to.

Briefly, re: the toxic masculinity thing—

Wife echoed Foos in that those great traits iNCY listed shouldn't be considered exclusively for males. Suppose I'll agree, even though my initial read was only a half-baked "hell yeah, these traits would make for an epic good man!"

I think the toxic masculinity she wants me to avoid is things like only saying/doing x because you're a boy or y because you're a girl. I said something joking to the effect of I wished we were having a girl so that I could dance with her in the kitchen while making food. To which Wife quickly countercorrected me to say I can absolutely dance with a boy.

Think it probably also relates to emoting as a dad, especially to a boy, as male to male communication and expression of emotion can be a challenge regardless of relationship. Reminds me of how PI3 would randomly pop by my room when growing up and say "I love you. I want to make sure I say that more than my dad did."

So the positive traits are not masculinity, but the negative ones are?
Don't let anyone make you ashamed for being born male. Yes, some assholes gave us a bad name, but literally why is it only okay to tar all men with the same brush.

And of course when you delve into these areas it's always easy to quote exceptions, but as much as we pretend gender roles don't exist, boys still gravitate to playing with guns and cars and girls with dolls... Yes, not all girls and not all boys but they are tendencies that exist completely separate to social pressures and influences.

I am 100% going to raise my girls to pursue whatever they want to pursue, gender bias be damned, but I am not going to raise them to ignore all the wonderful things that make females special and different compared to men... Likewise I would have raised a son in the same way,to embrace the positive attributes of masculinity.

Equal doesn't mean the same, it means equal.

I'm not sure I totally follow along here.

When recapping this thread to Wife, she liked this:
"Being a man means taking responsibility, being strong, caring, defending the weak, working hard, lifting up your fellow man."

But asked why the same can't hold true for girls. And I was like, I guess there's no reason?

I guess I get lost on what masculinity vs. toxic masculinity means. Maybe toxic is just hyperbolizing traits to harmful extremes? Like maybe being masculine implies a certain level of stoicism - but so much stoicism that you emote worse than a Rock is bad and thus toxic? Maybe not the best example, but my best guess at the premise at the moment.

Yeah I don't really know what "toxic masculinity" actually means either.

It refers to negative behaviours taught to young boys in order to function in society. Men are not allowed to be weak, they must resort to violence, they can never turn down sex, they must like specific kind of music, they cannot dance, they cannot cook, 'treat them mean, keep them keen', 'you throw like a girl' etc. etc.

Women have similar problems too surrounding their emphasis on their appearance and how they must maintain their bodies, how they must behave around boys, how they have to be taken care of etc.

Gender exists and it's going to influence how you treat your kid, but as their parent you have to manage conflict effectively and to support them in their (future) endeavours.

This whole thread confuses me. 🤯 has admitted he's a trophy husband, so I had assumed wife's Google funds would just have nannies and live-in maids so what's to parent other than signing checks and trust funds?

May 30, 2020 3:18:39 GMT 🤯 said:

May 30, 2020 3:16:19 GMT Foos said:

Sorry Pi, my wife had an emergency c-section, so I don't have much to add on my behalf. She was induced, and nothing happened for30 hours, so we finally convinced our OB to do the c-section. My son's enormous head combined with my wife's narrow birth canal meant that she never would have been able to deliver. 

It sounds like what we're probably facing and what I think we're bracing for

Wife says I need to know her plan and be her loud advocate because she'll be in so much pain the day of

So how do I know when I have to push the doctor, to convince her of something? I assumed they'd be the ones pushing drugs or inducing or c-section time on us in those situations?

A friend of mine told me that when she was chatting with her OB/GYN about her childbirth options (re:epidural or drug-free) the doctor told her that this isn't a video game and you don't get a bonus score for doing it on hard mode. Not sure if that's what you were asking but figured it might be worth a mention.

Jun 21, 2020 20:24:55 GMT nazzer said:

Jun 21, 2020 13:02:43 GMT NATH45 said:

System, I'm not way defending Joey here. Let's break this down - this girl barely knows Joey Ryan. They have chit-chatted at a few shows. They haven't had a real conversation. Then she says 'Yes' to being flown out by Joey Ryan - most likely at his expense. And basically tells the bloke she's not interested. She obviously doesn't owe the guy anything.. but why would you even get on the plane, to see a guy you don't know and have zero interest in, or any intent to be with?

It seems like you are suggesting by her action of flying out to meet him there was some sort of implied sexual consent.

Let's talk about sex and consent for a moment. These comments are not all there is to say, but apply here

Sex is never owed to someone in exchange for anything. Sexual consent can be removed at any time by any involved party. Suppose she had explicitly said to him 'I'd like to fly out a day early to have sex'; at any point she is allowed to say no, remove consent and then he must stop.

Consent must be freely given wholeheartedly and continuous. If at any point consent is not there in this way, you must stop.

Even if you don't understand these ideas or disagree; surely one wouldn't find it enjoyable if the other person is not wanting it?

For consent lesson

Ate pizza hut tonight

Against my better judgment

Now I've got to shit like a fire hose

But I'm pinned down in a recliner, holding a sleeping baby, trying to give Wife a chance to catch some zzz's after being up the better part of the night so far due to a cluster feeding frenzy.

What do I do?

Hold it (the shit) and hope for the best

For as long as I can, or

Shit where I sit, and somehow blame it on son

Or see if I can get to the toilet, still holding him, and fire hose shit... Without him waking up and crying?

Parenting lesson of the day today:
Never eat Pizza Hut

I am a bad parent but I would totally take the baby to the bathroom.

Aug 19, 2020 8:38:08 GMT 🤯 said:

Ate pizza hut tonight

Against my better judgment

Now I've got to shit like a fire hose

But I'm pinned down in a recliner, holding a sleeping baby, trying to give Wife a chance to catch some zzz's after being up the better part of the night so far due to a cluster feeding frenzy.

What do I do?

Hold it (the shit) and hope for the best

For as long as I can, or

Shit where I sit, and somehow blame it on son

Or see if I can get to the toilet, still holding him, and fire hose shit... Without him waking up and crying?

You already got the diapers...

Aug 19, 2020 8:57:13 GMT iNCY said:

I am a bad parent but I would totally take the baby to the bathroom.

I'm less concerned about the bad parenthood aspects of this option and more the him waking up and crying and thus waking up Wife aspects.

I'm pinching and clinching as long as I can. I either hold out long enough until it's time for the next feeding, or my shit liquifies to such a state that at least I don't need a free hand to wipe.

Aug 19, 2020 9:06:56 GMT @ness said:

Aug 19, 2020 8:38:08 GMT 🤯 said:

Ate pizza hut tonight

Against my better judgment

Now I've got to shit like a fire hose

But I'm pinned down in a recliner, holding a sleeping baby, trying to give Wife a chance to catch some zzz's after being up the better part of the night so far due to a cluster feeding frenzy.

What do I do?

Hold it (the shit) and hope for the best

For as long as I can, or

Shit where I sit, and somehow blame it on son

Or see if I can get to the toilet, still holding him, and fire hose shit... Without him waking up and crying?

You already got the diapers...

Why are you up so early!? Sleep on my behalf, brother. Please!

The dawn may be breaking on my situation

And of fucking course

Now that I make the bold move to go, I can't

Like the threshold between diarrhea and constipation is razor thin or something

OK

Here Comes The Pain

Oh my god

The relief

So worth it

🤯, welcome to parenthood.

Holy shit did I miss a post about Lil' Slice finally being born!? (insert Moira Rose voice) The "BEY-BEY" has arrived!

Congratulations 🤯 and Wife, super stoked for you guys!

My best non-dad dad advice: Don't forget to take care of yourselves in the process!

I have not ever pooped while holding a sleeping baby. Good on you 🤯 for doing what you needed in order to keep PI V asleep and happy so Wife could get some snoozing in.

So we're experimenting with some shift work today.

I'm on night shift part one.

Turns out I can play video games one handed. Not too shabby.

Dragged an outdoor rocking chair from the porch into the living room. Been a game changer for keeping someone quietly asleep between feedings.

🤯, you'll be surprised to learn how well a coked-out Macho Man impression goes over with the kids.

Aug 20, 2020 12:32:45 GMT NATH45 said:

🤯, you'll be surprised to learn how well a coked-out Macho Man impression goes over with the kids.

Me doing an impression of a coke-out Macho Man, or a cokes-out me doing an impression of Macho Man?

Aug 20, 2020 12:44:09 GMT 🤯 said:

Aug 20, 2020 12:32:45 GMT NATH45 said:

🤯 , you'll be surprised to learn how well a coked-out Macho Man impression goes over with the kids.

Me doing an impression of a coke-out Macho Man, or a cokes-out me doing an impression of Macho Man?

Both will get the same result. 

Was the baby born? Did I miss the post?

Aug 20, 2020 23:17:34 GMT RT said:

Was the baby born? Did I miss the post?

Do you ignore PW News like you ignore notifications!?!?

Aug 21, 2020 0:48:35 GMT 🤯 said:

Aug 20, 2020 23:17:34 GMT RT said:

Was the baby born? Did I miss the post?

Do you ignore PW News like you ignore notifications!?!?

I'm selective in my ignorance. It's a power only dads can learn.

Aug 21, 2020 16:11:59 GMT RT said:

Aug 21, 2020 0:48:35 GMT 🤯 said:

Do you ignore PW News like you ignore notifications!?!?

I'm selective in my ignorance. It's a power only dads can learn.

I can't wait to master this ability. Feel like I've already been informally training for years.

Man, how do people have a newborn AND work!?!?

Aug 25, 2020 8:19:17 GMT 🤯 said:

Man, how do people have a newborn AND work!?!?

I started my company about a year before my daughter was born.
I ended up walking the back yard in the rain closing deals because wouldn't matter if my gorgeous baby had been asleep 5 minutes or an hour, they would invariably cry when I was on the phone.
It's why I decided to buy an office/warehouse.

The first 6 weeks isn't about anything but survival, it's where your baby is nocturnal and cluster feeds.
People tell you babies feed every two hours but they don't tell you about the diaper, burping and cleaning up in the middle that pretty much leaves you with 5mins in the middle free before the cycle starts again.

Dream feeding is a life saver for sleep.