PI

All Richard Pro Wrestling
proudly presents...
JUST THE TIP

8=====D

Richie Rich Match

Richie Steamboat Jr.

VS.

Rich Swann

Fittingly it's Richie vs. Rich in the first-ever "Richie Rich" match. What's a "Richie Rich" match, you ask? It means that there's a hefty monetary prize on the line in the form of a [**INSERT WHATEVER AMOUNT ARPW CAN AFFORD**] winner's purse.

Rich needs to dough to pay his legal team's retainer fees, so he'll likely be extra-motivated heading into this one. Richie, meanwhile, is really just looking to stack his as many of his own high profile clean victories as possible to help step outside of Daddy Dragon's shadow.

This is highly likely to be a high-flying, fast-paced, action-packed contest considering the ring styles and physical statures of the two competitors; here's hoping it serves as a fun opener to kick off the show!


8=====D

Size Doesn't Matter Match

Ricky Starks

VS.

Big Ryck

What's a "Size Doesn't Matter" match, you ask? It just means that weight class restrictions have been lifted for a classic David vs. Goliath encounter between plucky up-and-coming underdog Ricky Starks and the proprietor of the Bryckhouse, Big Ryck (f.k.a. Ezekiel Jackson / a.ka. Rycklon Stephens).

In this one, it won't be about the size of the dick in the fight but rather the size of the fight in the dick... err, I mean, dog. Not dick. Damn autocorrect. (-_-) ANYWAY... I promise this card won't be TOTALLY littered with dick jokes and double entendres. But then again, my promises are only worth as much as you can get for them on eBay. ANYWAY x2...

Big Ryck claims it's a promise not a threat when he says he's "gonna break Ricky Sticks in two like the little twig that he is". Cocky as ever, Ricky is undaunted though; he says he "has a feeling there will be a stroke of luck in store for the Stroke Daddy" at Just the Tip.


8=====D

Last Dick Standing Match

Dick Togo

VS.

Big Dick Dudley

No need to ask what a "Last Dick Standing" match is, as it's pretty clear cut (even if you're uncut). It's a last man standing match where both wrestlers are named Dick, duh! We're guaranteed to see a couple of Dicks do some hardcore stuff in this one, as two ECW alum go at it in an extreme match environment primed for all sorts of senseless Cialis-inspired violence.

As a representative of the Blu Chew World Order, Dick Togo claims (via translator) he has the medicinal reinforcement to never go down much less stay down for a count of ten. Big Dick Dudley has taken this as a personal challenge of sorts, and says he looks forward to beating Dick relentlessly en route to beating Dick definitively. Big Dick Dudley boasts he's got the Big Dick Energy needed to go for hours and hours if that's what it takes to make Dick go limp for the ten-count.

I'm not one to false advertise, but I have a feeling this one has the potential to echo all those classic Masato Tanaka/Mike Awesome encounters in ECW.


8=====D

Swingin' Dicks Match

THE DIRTY DICKS
Dick Murdoch
&
Dick Slater

VS.

THE DICKS OF DESTRUCTION
Dick the Bruiser
&
Dick "The Destroyer" Beyer

What's a "Swingin' Dicks" match, you ask? Just a relaxed rules tornado format tag match. Closed fists are not only allowed but encouraged. The five-count for breaking choke holds is as pointless as reaching for the ropes for a break. If you're caught in a hold or otherwise bad situation, you better hope your partner has your back. This one's gonna be a rough 'n' tough tag team brouhaha, as two of ARPW's baddest tandems slug it out for bragging rights and a future shot at the ARPW World Tag Team Championship.

Honestly, it's hard to predict which team might have an edge in this type of match. The Dirty Dicks earned their name not just because of their smegma-infested uncut foreskins but also because of their penchant for readily resorting to the dirtiest of dirty tactics in every match they've ever wrestled together. But the Dicks of Destruction (a.k.a. D.O.D.) are a bad ass bar-fighting duo who bonded instantly over their love of inflicting pain upon others. They're no strangers to chaos, carnage, and out-of-control pull-apart brawls... so they're likely to be equally at home here.

One thing's for sure once the dust settles after this one... the ARPW Tag Team Champions will have their hands full of Dicks when it comes time to defend the belts against whichever team emerges victorious here.


8=====D

Losing Team Splits, (Facial) Hair vs. (Facial) Hair Match for the ARPW World Tag Team Title

--The Champions!--
THE BUFF DADDY SUPER MODELS
Rick Rude
&
Rick Martel

VS.

--The Challengers!--
THE RICK 'N' ROLL WRECKING CREW
Ricky Morton
&
Rick Steiner

There's a lot on the line in this one... Hair, facial hair, partnerships, pride, and championship gold!

Growing tension has become quite palpable between the Buff Daddy Super Models recently, as Martel has been getting under Rude's skin with nonstop nudges for Rude to shave off his mustache to better show off his chiseled facial features. Martel has also been pushing Rude to lop off some of his longer locks and restyle his dated mullet into a more contemporary hairdo. Rude has been growing increasingly tired off Martel's inadvertent cock blocking at hotel bars after wrestling events, and has been urging Martel to focus his attention Martel's "preferred demographic" -- whatever that means (French Canadians, perhaps)? ANYWAY...

It seems the end might be nigh for the reigning champs due to internal strife more so than external threat. And the external threat the reigning champs currently face is the ugliest threat the BDSMs have ever seen. Coming in the form of polar opposites to everything the BDSMs represent and hold dear (i.e., being really really good-looking) it's Ricky Morton & Rick Steiner, the Rock 'n' Roll Wrecking Crew!

A bit adrift after being left high and dry by their respective non-Richard partners, Ricky and Rick became fast friends through their shared love of tag team wrestling and rock 'n' roll music. A new tag team was born based on this instant strong bond in an equation where the whole is greater the sum of the parts. The RnRWC exhibited immediate chemistry and continuity in the ring, picking up victory after victory thanks to their innovative double-team finishing maneuver (which they dubbed the Rick Roll)... stacking wins like shortcakes in short order to ultimately earn this tag title shot.

The BDSMs can't tell which is the bigger eyesore: Morton, clad in the retina-burning bright neon spandex synonymous with 1980s hair metal... or dog-faced gremlin Steiner, who's just as much of a genetic freak as his brother. Whatever tension there may be between them, the BDSMs seems confident that they can set aside any kind of beefcake beef to combat the sin against fashion sense represented by the RnRWC. In fact, the BDSMs are so cocky that they were the ones who upped the ante in the buildup to this match. A successful title defense will only be the cherry on the sundae; their real aim here is to humiliate and dismantle the RnRWC once and for all: so Martel volunteered that Rude would shave his mustache and cut off his mullet should the unthinkable happen and the BDSMs lost the belts. Rude then volunteered that the BDSMs would split up if the lost the belts (although Rude did seem to be enjoy entertaining the idea of finally being free of Martel). On the flipside of the coin, if the RnRWC lose... Ricky's mangy mullet gets lopped off, Rick's gnarly goatee gets shorn, and the band permanently disbands!


8=====D

The Final Chapter: Three Stages of Hell for the ARPW World Heavyweight Title
First Stage: Submit or Surrender!
Second Stage: Anything Goes, Falls Count Anywhere!
Third Stage: Climb the Ladder!

--The Champion!--
"The Nature Boy" Ric Flair

VS.

--The Challenger!--
Ricky "The Dragon" Steamboat

Longtime rivals look to close the book on their storied feud once and for all.

The First Stage of Hell on the surface seems to favor Flair, renowned for his mastery of the figure four leg lock. But don't sleep on the Dragon, whose martial arts training has made him well-versed in a variety of judo chokes as well as unique holds for applying excruciating pain to the body's various pressure points. Strategy will be key in the First Stage, as if you're caught in a hold early... What do you do? Do you submit or surrender quickly to spare yourself for the other stages? Or do you give into pride and fight through the pain, even if it means risking injury and fatigue that might come back to cost you later? One thing's for sure... Forcing your adversary to tap out or verbally quit will certainly be an ego boost and adrenaline rush for the remaining stages.

The Second Stage of Hell more ostensibly favors the Dirtiest Player in the Game, who claims Steamboat doesn't have a nasty enough mean streak in him to make the most of the relaxed rules stipulations. We're inclined to agree considering Steamboat's long-established reputation as the purest of pure in-ring technicians and a quintessential family man. But maybe we and Flair are all underestimating the Dragon. Maybe the Dragon can still breathe a bit of fire, and perhaps there's a fireball for Flair's face up Steamboat's sleeve?

Should there be a need for this match to go to a third and final fall, the deadlock will be broken by a lader. That's right, the Third Stage of Hell is a ladder match pitting Ric MOTHAFUCKIN' Flair against Ricky da GODDAMN Dragon. Shawn/Razor, Rock/HHH, Jericho/Benoit, Taker/Jeff, etc. et al... eat your heart out, bitches. Flair and Steamboat are bound to prove yet again why they are god's gift to pro wrestling. First man to retrieve the suspended title belt hanging above the ring wins and walks away as champion and the Ultimate Richard in ARPW.

To raise the stakes as high as possible, Flair and Steamboat have agreed that this is the last time they'll ever face each other too. EVER. So if Steamboat wins, no rematch for Flair to try to reclaim the title. If Flair retains, Steamboat's days as a world title challenger are done (until someone else one day usurps the Nature Boy).


8=====D

BUST A NUT!

EDIT: Fuck, this dicks go backwards!

NESS

AGENTS OF ASSFUCKING PRESENTS
TOURNAMENT OF ANAL APOCALYPSE

A mysterious figure has kidnapped 16 wrestlers all beginning with the letter A. He has locked them in an arena with no hope for survival except for one who secures the title as winner of the tournament. The winner can either save their own lives or save the lives of the other 15 (well, the ones that survived) by sacrificing their own life. It's Tournament of Death on steroids. It is the Anal Apocalypse! Night one covers the following 8 matches. Other matches will go down if we (LOL) make it round 2. Also there's a crowd, but don't worry they are free to enter and leave at their leisure. Don't ask why.

Round 1: LIQUID HOT MAGMA INFERNO MATCH
Asuka vs. Adam Cole

Ring is completely surrounded in lava and the only way to advance is to toss your opponent over the top rope and into the smoldering abyss. No time limit. Think of it like a singles match into a battle royale.

Round 1: JUSTICE FOR BABY BOY
Alex Shelley vs. Abyss

Dating back to the early, EARLY days of NWA TNA PPV comes the revenge match we never really got. Ring ropes have been replaced with electric eels because fuck it why not? Match is decided by pinfall or submission.

Round 1: WEET-BIX EATING CONTEST
Armando Alejandro Estrada vs. Amazing Red

Match is a simple "pie eating contest" only instead of cherry, it's nasty ass plywood that is Weet-Bix cereal from Australia. Winner is whoever finishes their box first.

Round 1: UNDERWATER GREAT WHITE DEATH MATCH
Alissa Flash vs. Akeem the African Dream

Match takes place inside the ocean with great whites swimming on the perimeter of the ring. Giant squid? Yeah, we'll see who has the upper hand now bitch. Regular match otherwise.

Round 1: ELEPHANT GRAVEYARD FALLS COUNT ANYWHERE BOUT
Aj Styles vs. Ashley Remington

Match has no ring (making a certain stip pointless) and takes place inside the elephant graveyard. The only way to win is to make your opponent corpse through the telling of funny jokes or awkward faces. Also hyenas involved. Might laugh. Might eat. Watch out for Ed.

Round 1: CORONA-CHAN GOES POP MATCH
Alexander Luger vs. Austin Aries

Match takes place inside a steel cage. Over the top of the cage are random balloons with covid19 strains inside each. Periodically the balloons pop and the virus is released into match. No escape. Pin or sub only. Good luck fuckers.

Round 1: Dark Match
Apollo Crews vs. ACH

Singles match takes place as crowds begin entering the building.

Round 1: 3 STAGES OF HELL MATCH
Akira Tozawa vs. Al Snow

Stage 1: 60 Minute Iron Man Match
Stage 2: 2/3 Falls Match (yes the entire fall is a separate 2/3 falls... basic matches though)
Stage 3: If necessary... Ultimate X Match with the outside of the ring covered in AIDS infested needles

Ain't no competing with a dick scroll.

Comedy gold here. Both great, but I like the potential of @ness's storyline more. Plus I'd pay to see Asuka throw Adam Cole into lava and some of his stips are amazing.

🤯 took the dick jokes impressively far, and he has some good wrasslin' too.

🤯 and @ness great job thinking outside the box and giving us something different.

My only complaint is Flair Steamboat. I like the stages of hell but I really want something I have not seen before.

Jul 5, 2020 21:18:07 GMT @ness said:

Ain't no competing with a dick scroll.

Except they're going in the WRONG direction! Who fux balls first!?

Anyway...

AGENTS OF ASSFUCKING's TOURNAMENT OF ANAL Apocalypse easily *EASILY* secures my vote.

I too would love to see Asuka chuck ADAM Cole into lava. Love the visual of electric eel ring ropes. Dig the Cereal Countdown and Animal Warfare tie-ins. It's a testament to the awesome insanity of your genius when an elephant graveyard match and an Ultimate Asshole Off between Lex and A Double are the low lights. Love the subtle racism of the *dark* match. And love that we both have 3 Stages of Hell main events... But love that you had the genius and the balls to book an Iron Man as first fall, followed by a Best of 3 Falls WITHIN a Best of 3 Falls. Inception for the win.

WINNER: @ness

I was more amused by 🤯's gimmickry. The show name and scrolling dick were top notch. PI is the master at making up random tag teams on the fly. Buff Daddy Super Models vs. Rick 'N Roll Wrecking Crew is my favorite match on either show. Flair/Steamboat has been done to death, but I do like how PI added a new wrinkle to it.

@ness gimmickry went a little too far over the top even for me and most of his matches look like the bad kind of styles clash, though he does earn points for Shelley/Abyss. #IRemember


PI has my vote.

I like the idea of a ever increasing time limit match like the 153060 deal. Only issue I personally have with my 2/3 falls is ain't no way someone is watching a 60+ minute Al Snow deal.

Can 2 more vote for 🤯 please?

Oh shit.

Oh snap we have a ball game

Here we go!

This is bullshit.

From @ness's roster of all-time A-holes, I steal the two wrestlers whom I perceive to be the biggest dicks...

In terms of personality, Lex Luger.

And in terms of dat Wood-like BBC, Apollo Crews.

Poor ACH must have a Seth Rollins.

Jul 10, 2020 15:30:32 GMT @ness said:

Poor ACH must have a Seth Rollins.

It's probably enough to put Seth's to even more shame than Seth's already deserves on its own merits, but up against Uhaa Nation's Hog Log? No one can compete sans perhaps Big Ryck/Zeke Jackson.