Welcome, one and all.

Together we will explore stories of the most macabre, the most extraodinary, the most sinister, and perhaps even the most amusing.

Join me on this journey through the Bizarro World of Wrestling, if you dare.

The Disembodied (Part I)

August 23, 2020



Drew McIntyre retains the WWE Championship after reversing an RKO into a backslide for the pinfall victory.

August 24, 2020



Randy Orton opens the show, standing in the centre of the ring, microphone in hand.

"Drew McIntyre is the WWE Champion. I lost to Drew McIntyre at Summerslam. I admit that."

He pauses, as if deep in thought. When he resumes speaking, there is an intensity to his words, which grows to the point where he is nearly shouting at the end of his speech.

"I also admit that I am Randy Orton. I admit that I am a thirteen-time World Champion. I admit that I am the Legend Killer. I admit that I have ended the careers of Edge, Christian, Ric Flair, The Big Show, and Shawn Michaels, and that's just in 2020 alone. Do you want me to go even further back?"

Boos can be heard. Clearly the fans do not want Randy Orton to go even further back.

"Don't worry, I won't waste your time. Not that the time of you ingrates, hiding behind your screens, is worth anything."

Louder boos. Orton smirks and resumes talking.

"I have one more thing to admit. I admit that Drew McIntyre's win was a fluke. He barely escaped the RKO. He barely escaped the punt. He barely escaped defeat."

His smile gone, Orton walks towards the camera. In a flash his gaze turn from casual to psychotic, fixing the viewer with a menacing stare.

"Drew McIntyre, I want a rematch. You will give it to me. Because if you don't, I will hurt you. Over and over. And if you still don't give me what I want, I will end you. One punt is all it takes. Ask Edge, ask Ric Flair, ask all those names I mentioned. Choose wisely."

As Orton is finishing his demand, Drew McIntyre enters the arena, stopping on the stage. He is dressed smartly, in a shirt and dress pants. The WWE Championship is draped over his left shoulder, a microphone is in his right hand. As always, he looks calm and collected.

"Randy, Randy, Randy. Your threats mean nothing to me. You couldn't hit me with the RKO or the punt last night, and you never will. You're not getting a rematch. You lost. You've been around long enough to know how this works. Get to the back of the line, like a good boy. I have nothing more to say to you."

Drew McIntyre dismissively turns around and walks to the back. Orton is seething in the ring. He makes an angry dash for the ropes, but stops himself from giving chase. He leans on the ropes, breathing heavily.

Say what you will about Randy Orton, but he is a man of his word. Week after week he tried to hurt Drew McIntyre. He attacked the champion during his interviews, during his matches, before his matches, after his matches. However he was never able to deal much punishment. Sometimes McIntyre was able to fight him off. Other times referees and other wrestlers intervened, preventing Orton from dealing a lethal blow.

September 27, 2020



The main event features WWE Champion Drew McIntyre defending against Seth Rollins. Despite McIntyre being a marked man, he shows no signs of concern towards his challenger or towards the constant threat of the lunatic Randy Orton. Orton is nowhere to be seen as McIntyre successfully defends his championship.

As he is celebrating, The Viper strikes with a steel chair to the back. McIntyre goes down, and the assault begins. This time, Orton is ready to remove any obstacles. Security and referees flock to the ring, but Orton pre-empts them, sliding out of the ring and taking each and every man out before they can gather together to restrain him.

The time taken has allowed McIntyre to recover, and he is almost to his feet. But the gruelling title defense combined with Orton's violent ambush leaves him defenseless against the RKO. Orton drops down next to the lifeless McIntyre and declares, "This was going to happen sooner or later. This is your fault." Orton slowly gets up, walks to the opposite corner as though he is taking a casual walk in the park, and patiently waits for McIntyre to rise to his knees. The Punt is coming, and with it the end of another glorious pro-wrestling career.

McIntyre is almost to his knees. Orton starts to build up speed for his devastating kick. One step. Two steps.

McIntyre collapses onto the mat. Orton stops, throws his hands up in frustration, and returns to his starting position. Moments pass. The WWE Champion is alone. Nobody is here to rescue him. Soon, he will get to his knees, and it will be over.

At last, McIntyre pushes himself on all fours a second time. Orton waits a few seconds, to be sure he will stay there, and starts to run.

Suddenly, McIntyre bursts to his feet and throws his whole body towards his assassin, striking him with a nasty Claymore Kick. Down goes Randy Orton, out cold. McIntyre tries to quickly get to his feet, but collapses, the damage still done. Slowly, with the help of the ropes, he struggles to his feet. His equilibrium restored, he walks towards Orton, lifts him up, and drops him effortlessly with a Future Shock Double Arm DDT.

McIntyre's face is flushed and full of anger. We have not seen this McIntyre in a very long time. He looks as unhinged as the man who has been tormenting him for weeks. McIntyre heads to the floor. We can hear his possessed, rage-filled words "Enough. This ends now." He ducks down, lifting the skirt of the apron, searching for something.

He finds something. A long, leather object. He slides it into the ring, then slides himself into the ring. Grasping the object in a specific way, he unsheaths the artefact that hides within the leather case.

SPOILER: Click to show

{Spoiler}{Spoiler}{Spoiler}

The Claymore! The Scottish longsword, whose name Drew McIntyre chose for his finishing move.

"This ends now." announces McIntyre.

Orton is struggling to all fours, unwittingly assuming a position of a man about to be executed.

Drew McIntyre takes two steps towards Randy Orton. Grasping the handle of the Claymore in both hands, a fierce blade nearly four feet long, he raises the sword, ready to literally cut off the head off the snake. His face contorts into a grimace and his muscles tighten as he is ready to deal the killing blow.

It's finally here!

This is fucking awesome already.

Love Drew pulling a trick out of The Berzerker's bag.

My favorite part of this is how Rollins is a mere unimportant afterthought.

Sept 26, 2020 18:31:44 GMT Lionheart said:

My favorite part of this is how Rollins is a mere unimportant afterthought.

Seconded!

Sept 26, 2020 16:57:08 GMT 🤯 said:

Love Drew pulling a trick out of The Berzerker's bag.

Seconded. I am always going to have time for an angle inspired by Berzerker/Undertaker (even if done unintentionally). Top 100 moment in wrestling history, baby!

The Disembodied (Part II)

September 28, 2020

Monday night Raw. The night after a moment that would be referred for years to come simply as the Claymore Incident, it was announced live on air that, due to brandishing a dangerous weapon on WWE programming, Drew McIntyre is suspended for three months without pay. In addition, he will be stripped of the WWE Championship. The only words said about Randy Orton was that he would be absent from WWE programming indefinitely.

The angle was hailed as a bold-yet-controversial booking decision by some pundits, and a masterstroke by others, further proof of Vince McMahon's one-of-a-kind genius. The Claymore Incident received mainstream attention, the likes of which WWE hadn't seen for a very long time. Dave Meltzer speculated that Drew McIntyre had a long-lasting injury demanding rest, and finally it had reached the point where he was not cleared to compete. Meltzer offered no specifics on this alleged injury. He offered no words at all on the condition of Randy Orton.

What happened during those three months is of no relevance to the story. All I will say is that a new WWE Champion was crowned. It's not important who, but I'm sure you'll be pleased to know that it wasn't Seth Rollins.

As the days trickled by, fans and media lost interest in the Claymore Incident, since its two protagonists were absent and the moment had not been mentioned since that fateful announcement on September 28th. Pundits opined that the bold booking decision was short-sighted, a desperate grab for viewers with no follow-up, although one optimistic journalist insisted that this was only the beginning, and something huge was on the horizon.

Drew McIntyre's return was announced for the first Monday night Raw of 2021, a sitdown interview with Michael Cole. The Claymore Incident once again became the headline story of the pro-wrestling world, and that particular edition of Raw saw the highest ratings for several years. What happened during that interview would keep a large portion of the newer fans hooked for months to come.

January 4, 2021



The interview between Michael Cole and Drew McIntyre closes the show.

Both men are sat on black leather armchairs in a plain, carpeted room. On the surface, the former WWE Champion looks normal. He is wearing smart clothes, as usual. His elegant hair is tied back into a ponytail. His face is plain, the look of a calm man. As the camera zooms in on McIntyre, we get a deeper look. There are slight bags around the eyes. The shirt is not quite pristine, a small stain here, a crease there. Most importantly, though, McIntyre's eyes do not look like those of a champion. His expression is devoid of its normal effortless confidence. The Drew McIntyre sat on that couch does not appear to be the fighter he once was.

Cole opens the interview, speaking with a well-trained sincerity.

"Mr. McIntyre, we are here, of course, to talk about the so-called "Claymore Incident" from the Clash of Champions event back in September. I realise that you have been through a lot, mentally, since then. How much do you remember of the incident?"

McIntyre pauses to collect his thoughts.

"Michael Cole, I remember that moment like it was yesterday. I will remember it every day for the rest of my life. I have been sitting at home these past few months thinking about nothing else."

McIntyre pauses again, seemingly hesitant to carry on. With a sigh, he speaks once more.

"Before I go on, I just want to apologise to you, Michael, to the WWE, and to the fans watching from around the world. My actions were unprofessional and unbecoming of a champion. WWE was completely correct to strip me of my championship and suspend me. I have taken my penance, and I am ready to return to competition, to reclaim what was once mine, the championship that I never lost."

The apology sounds sincere, but he says these last words about returning to action with little emotion or conviction, as if it were a prepared statement.

Cole gives McIntyre a chance to elaborate, but McIntyre remains silent. Cole, seemingly unsatisfied, continues his interview.

"Thank you for your apology, Mr. McIntyre. Since you decided to apologise, does that mean you regret what you did?"

As the word 'regret' leaves Cole's mouth, McIntyre's expression changes. His face hardens, his brows furrow. There is rage there, a single spark, a small remnant of what used to be the once soaring inferno of the Scottish Warrior.

This time, McIntyre doesn't hesitate to reply. He keeps his composure, but there is a clear edge to his words.

"Regret? Regret, Michael? No. I regret nothing. Tell me Michael, what would you have done in my position? Rand- that man, that animal, was trying to end my career. He was trying to destroy the only life I have. Nobody was going to stop him. I had to take matters into my own hands, just as any self-respecting man would have done. It was kill or be killed, and I killed."

McIntyre spits out the final word, spittle flying from his lips. He is now leaning forward in his chair, angry and red-faced, and Cole looks afraid. The former WWE Champion is not done, however.

"I put him to the sword. I chopped off th-"

Suddenly the room goes pitch black. For several seconds, there is nothing to see, no sound to be heard, except for a quiet shuffling noise.

The lights come back on. Michael Cole's chair is empty. Drew McIntyre is sat alone. The silence has now taken on a tangible, eerie quality.

A voice speaks. The sound of the voice causes McIntyre's eyes to widen, his face to recoil in pure terror.

"Drew McIntyre, it's nice to see you. I've been waiting for so long to see you again after our last encounter. But that's alright. I have all the time in the world for you, Drew. The way I see it, we have unfinished business. Since you are ready to return to the ring, why don't we meet there? Oh, don't worry Drew, I don't want to wrestle. You will see that I am in no state to wrestle. I just want to talk. I hope you'll meet me next week, on Monday night Raw. Bye for now!"

The voice is, unmistakeably, that of Randy Orton. Drew McIntyre remains seated, frozen in his chair with an expression of incomparable horror.

That is how 2021's first episode of Monday night Raw concluded.

Best part of Part Two is the bold:

"What happened during those three months is of no relevance to the story. All I will say is that a new WWE Champion was crowned. It's not important who, but I'm sure you'll be please to know that it wasn't Seth Rollins."

After Lionheart's comment, I thought it would be funny to throw that line in there. Thanks for highlighting it, and thanks for reading!

Sept 27, 2020 23:00:21 GMT Emperor said:

After Lionheart's comment, I thought it would be funny to throw that line in there. Thanks for highlighting it, and thanks for reading!

It's very well written! You've actually found a way to make the current product compelling.

Ah, welcome back, viewer. Thank you for sticking around, and sorry for keeping you all waiting for so long.

The date is October 31st 2020. You may know it as Halloween. An appropriate time to continue this tale most mysterious. As you'll recall, I'm sure, at the conclusion of the last chapter, the voice of Randy Orton was heard, announcing that he would meet Drew McIntyre in the ring. Mr. McIntyre seemed utterly horrified by the voice, but why? Does Mr. McIntyre know something that we don't? Let's pull back the curtain for the shocking continuation of...

The Disembodied (Part III)

January 11, 2021



As you may expect, the meeting between Drew McIntyre and the returning Randy Orton closed the show. The setting was made comfortable for the haunted Scotsman. The ring was adorned with a plush red carpet and two comfortable black armchairs.

Drew McIntyre makes his way to the ring, without music, but with bags under his eyes and a scruffy ponytail. He enters the ring and immediately takes hold of one of the microphones laid out on one of the armchairs. Before McIntyre even has a chance to lift the microphone to his stubble-ridden face, the voice of his nemesis, Randy Orton, booms from the arena sound system.

"Nice to see you aga-"

The moment the first word is uttered, McIntyre's eyes widen and his knees buckle. He stumbles, remaining upright only thanks to his arms instinctively flailing and settling on the ring ropes and the armchair. His panic-stricken face swivels around in all directions, before he collapses on the carpet between armchair and ropes, already appearing a defeated man.

The voice laughs at McIntyre's plight, then continues speaking, the amusement clearly audible.

"I'm sorry, Drew, I didn't mean to scare you. You look like you've just seen a ghost!"

This comment sends the voice into another fit of laughter. As McIntyre scrambles to his feet, the laughter dies down. After an exaggerated clearing of the throat, the words resume.

"What I was going to say was that I strongly recommend you make yourself comfortable in one of those armchairs I so kindly provided to you. They cost me quite a lot of money, you know. I wouldn't want them to go to waste."

McIntyre, as if in a trance, obediently takes a seat, slumping down into the chair facing the entrance ramp.

"Excellent. I can see you look very comfortable. Well, Drew, I've tormented you long enough. It's time to make my appearance. Your shock appears to have worn itself out, so I think you'll be fine.

WWE Universe, are you ready for the grand return of The Legend Killer? The Apex Predator? The Viper, Randy Orton?"

Randy Orton's response is met with a lukewarm reaction. Most of the crowd is as perplexed as Drew McIntyre himself.

The familiar music hits. Randy Orton's video plays on the Titantron, and the spotlight shines on the ramp. The music plays for a few seconds then, suddenly, the lights go out.

A few seconds later, the lights turn back on. The sight that greets Drew McIntyre and the WWE Universe sends them into cataclysms of shock. Eyes are widened and jaws are dropped throughout the Thunderdome. McIntyre's eyes are widest of all, fixated on the entrance ramp, a look of pure terror on his face. His mouth unconsciously repeats the words "No, no, no" over and over again.

A column about six feet high, in the style of the Ancient Greek monuments, rests on the ramp. Atop the column is a cylindrical glass container. Inside that container, submerged in an unusual clear liquid, is the head of Randy Orton. The neck is connected to a metal ring, the ring itself attached to the base of the container. The head is very much alive, and very much Randy Orton in its mannerisms. The face of Randy Orton's head wears a smug smirk, eyes bright and vivid.

SPOILER: Click to show

{Spoiler}We wanted to present you with a visual aid, but I'll level with you, The Bizarro World of Wrestling has an incredibly low budget, and we've had to let some people go due the pandemic. We couldn't get rid of our writing department, so the visual effects team had to go. I'm sorry, OK? If your imagination really isn't good enough, this is the best our team could come up with. It might ruin the vibe a bit. You have been warned.

SPOILER: Click to show

{Spoiler}Are you sure you want to continue? Alright, you asked for it.

SPOILER: Click to show

{Spoiler}

"Yes, WWE Universe, it's true. Drew McIntyre took his big old sword, and chopped off my head. How's that for a scoop, huh? I must say Drew, nobody has put in a better effort than you to kill the Legend Killer. Very admirable effort. But I do not die so easily. In fact, Drew- "

While The Disembodied head of Randy Orton is speaking, McIntyre was somehow able to raise the microphone to his lips and utter the words "How? How?"

"How? That's such a boring, obvious question. I have more interesting things to talk about. I said we would only talk toni-"

McIntyre is apparently over his fears and roars his next word, the same as the two words before it.

"How?"

The Disembodied pauses. He appears irritated.

"If you must know, I have some very clever friends, who had a very clever idea, and they needed someone to test it on. Of course they couldn't go around chopping off people's heads for science, but fortunately a wonderful opportunity fell into their lap. Thanks to you.

Now, Mr. McIntyre, onto business. I would like to challenge you to a wrestling match. The match with the highest stakes ever seen in the history of professional wrestling.

Befor we get to my stipulations, you might be wondering how on earth you are going to wrestle a head. That's an excellent question. The answer is: you're not going to wrestle me, per sé. You're going to wrestle a very close friend of mine."

As The Disembodied is finishing his sentence, a figure emerges from backstage. It walks with an unusual gait, but the tattoos make it unquestionable that it is the body of Randy Orton, in pristine condition. Well, as pristine as a body can be without a head. The body shuffles towards the column and stands aside it, arms neatly clasped behind its back.

As you can imagine, the uproar at this next revelation is incomprehensible. The story had already spread like wildfire all over social media, with viewers flocking to Monday Night Raw, no longer interested in the news coverage of relatively trivial matters such as the upcoming inauguration of the 46th President of the USA, Dwayne Johnson.

Drew McIntyre had returned to his state of terror-induced paralysis. All he could do was sit in his chair, frozen in fear, as The Disembodied finished his proposal. His voice is raised, authoratitive and triumphant, loud enough to drown out the shocked reaction of the WWE Universe.

"I challenge you to a wrestling match. You will wrestle my body. You can see that he has shoulders, so he can be pinned to the mat, like any other wrestler. If you win, you can have my head. You can do whatever you like with it. You can end me, once and for all. This is your chance to finish what you started all those months ago."

"But if you lose, Drew McIntyre, and you will lose, I will be allowed to behead you, as you beheaded me. I will be able to execute you beyond the reaches of the United States law. I will be able to finish you with no consequences. Our rivalry has grown too big for this world, so one of us has to go. You or I. Make your decision. Make it soon. We'll be waiting."

The Disembodied finishes his speech, and the lights immediately go out, marking the end of what would become the most-watched episode of professional wrestling in hisory.

Highly relevant:

I have no idea how to end this little story.

So, I ask you audience. Do you want the Good Ending or the Bad Ending?

Lionheart Baker 🤯 @ness Big Pete RT @everyoneelse

We want the bad.

Nov 24, 2020 21:05:34 GMT Emperor said:

I have no idea how to end this little story.

So, I ask you audience. Do you want the Good Ending or the Bad Ending?

Lionheart Baker 🤯 @ness Big Pete RT @everyoneelse

If our choices are the good or the bad then I choose the ugly!

Both please. An ugly ending would also be appreciated.

You guys are useless. Except @ness.

One vote for bad, two voided ballots.

Nov 24, 2020 23:08:07 GMT Emperor said:

You guys are useless. Except @ness.

One vote for bad, two voided ballots.

STOP THE COUNT! STOP THE COUNT!

This vote is rigged!

I will place my real vote for whichever one is best for McIntyre...I assume good?

Nov 24, 2020 21:05:34 GMT Emperor said:

I have no idea how to end this little story.

So, I ask you audience. Do you want the Good Ending or the Bad Ending?

Option 3: the Scooby Doo ending. 

Bad ending

All these votes for third parties are infuriating.

I thought the two party system was flawless.

Thank you RT.