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When President Joe Biden took office on 20 January 2021, the world was watching to see what he would accomplish in his first 100 days in office. Would he seek to unite the country? How would he handle the Coronavirus pandemic? What measures would he take to rebuild the economy? Would he start an investigation into the Donald? Well it turns out ol’ Joe had already done all the investigating he needed to, and in a move that some may describe as petty, he decided to hit the Donal where it really hurt.

’You know, Donald Trump is a man who has accomplished very little in his life,’ said President Biden. ‘But there is one crowning glory that really sticks in my teeth. Donald J. Trump is an inductee in the WWE Hall of Fame. Alongside legends such a known-racist Hulk Hogan, known-homophobe The Ultimate Warrior, and known-murderer Jimmy ‘Superfly’ Snuka rests the worst of the lot - Donny Trump. Well let me tell you something brother, we’re in the middle of a global pandemic, and I don’t think big meaty men slapping meat is good for anyone. Linda McMahon, a member of the one-term losers team, may have bought off everyone she could do keep running this super-spreading sport, but I say enough is enough, it’s time for a change. So my first move as President of these United States, is to sign an executive order, suspending all professional wrestling for one year. Now can you dig that, suckas?’

The President then performed a spinaroonie and the world applauded.

Absolutely in love with this already.

If this proves to be a wrestling fan fiction with no actual wrestling...

Meta epic.

Jan 16, 2021 9:08:13 GMT 🤯 said:

Absolutely in love with this already.

If this proves to be a wrestling fan fiction with no actual wrestling...

Meta epic.

I mean, given my success rate in ever actually getting to the wrestling part, there's a good chance...

Picturing Joe's old ass failing in execution of a spinaroonie on the oval office floor is exactly the kind of mental comedy I needed today. Thank you. Looking forward to where this is headed.

Vince McMahon Dead; Trump Unimpressed

 In another shocking blow to the wrestling world, Vince McMahon was tragically, and ironically, killed last night when his limo exploded upon leaving Donald Trump’s Mar-a-Lago home. McMahon, 75, was said to be meeting with Trump to strategise against President Biden’s nationwide ban on professional wrestling which was set to have serious financial implications for the billionaire. We’re still waiting for more details on the cause of the explosion, but local police are investigating foul play. That being said, they are Florida police, so who knows what will happen. Trump, still muzzled by Twitter and the left wing lamestream media, went to MeWe and Gab to express his sympathy before adding - ‘To be honest, only a loser would allow the self to be killed in their own limo. No one has had more death threats than me and I’m more alive than anyone ever has been. This is why I won at Wrestlemania.’    

McMahon/Levesque Split

The wrestling world keeps getting weirder and weirder. Just six weeks following the death of WWE Chairman Vince McMahon, and allegedly just 1 week following the settling of his vast estate, Paul Levesque, known to wrestling fans as Triple, has filed for divorce from his wife and daughter of the dead chairman, Stephanie McMahon. The two were first married on-screen after Triple H roofied McMahon and then basically raped her to make sure the marriage was consummated. This classic meet-cute led to real-life ‘love’ and the pair tied the knot for real in 2003. The marriage was never uncontroversial, and certainly seemed to do wonders for Triple H’s career both in and out of the ring. For years fans painted Triple H as the cynical suck-up, marrying the bosses daughter to elevate his own worth. If rumours are true, Vince McMahon had left a significant amount of his wrestling empire not to any of his biological children, but to his son-in-law and natural successor. We don’t want to be cynical, but many wrestling fans do, and point to this divorce following Vince’s death as proof they there were right all along. Of course, with professional wrestling still outlawed in the United States, it’s unclear what real worth Levesque has inherited and what possible moves he could be looking to make. 

Covid-19 Vaccine 
Scientists and Doctors are observing an interesting side effect of one particular, and rare, version of the Covid-19 vaccine. It seems that as well as providing immunity to the deadly/made-up (delete depending on perspective) virus, the vaccine is having an impact on people's athletic abilities as they age. While it has little impact on those who were never athletically gifted, early trials are showing that it is in some way reversing the effects of aging on elite athletes. As such, many older former elite athletes are reporting increased endurance, strength, and focus, similar to when they were in their prime. It's unclear at this stage if this is a temporary 'boost' or if this is a genuine reversal of the aging process. What is interesting is that listed as one of the key funders of this particular strand of the vaccine is the part-owner of the Jacksonville Jaguars, and Fulham F.C., Tony Khan. Khan (38) was also the owner of All Elite Wrestling before closing shop following President Biden's ban on professional wrestling.

I think I fucking love where this is going.

Stone Cold Steve Austin return... At long last!!!

No one has had more death threats than me and I’m more alive than anyone ever has been. This is why I won at Wrestlemania.’

I'm fucking dying. :lol: