Post by RT on Jun 8, 2021 1:37:04 GMT
BAKER
AM
USWA Presents
Live on Pay Per View
From the Liberty Bowl in Memphis, Tennessee
Lawlermania 2021
Return of the King
Featuring...
In...
A Funkin' Flair For The Gold
*Once upon a time Lawlermania was a regular occurrence and pro wrestling was great. Then Lawlermania stopped being a thing and pro wrestling descended into a two decade decline. Coincidence? I think not.
Wrestling fans suffered pain and misery...
Everyone was shouting...
Save pro wrestling now!
The King heard the cries of his people...
And set out to do just that...
By resurrecting...
Lawlermania~!
What is Lawlermania, you ask? Well, it's like Wrestlemania. Only better. Because it takes place in the wrestling capital of the world, Memphis, Tennessee and revolves around Jerry "The King" Lawler. There were about a dozen Lawlermanias in the late 90s. They ranged from amazing to epic. And now it's back with the biggest main event in Lawlermania history. Yeah, I went there. Bigger than the Tournament for the Titles at IV. Bigger than the Grasslands Match at I or Dr. Death's coronation at II. Bigger than Lawler vs. The Boones and Lawler vs. Smith Hart. Bigger than Lawler's retirement match (lol) and Lawler vs. Smoke. Even bigger than the Lawler/Dundee FINAL COUNTDOWN Match at III!
1. World's Greatest Tag Team vs. America's Most Wanted- #1 Contenders Match
For nearly two decades pro wrestling scholars have argued over who was the greatest tag team of 2003. This match between two tremendous tandems who combine old school sensibilities with new school flash will settle the debate once and for all.
2. Great Muta vs. John Morrison vs. 2 Cold Scorpio- Showdown of the Skywalkers Three Way Dance
These three amazingly athletic aerial assassins will meet in an elimination 3 Way to determine who maintains their claim as the master of the airy domain.
3. Steiner Brothers vs. British Bulldogs- Vacant USWA Tag Title Match
The only thing greater than these teams popularity are their similarities. Both duos are suplexcellent technicians who combine incredible athleticism with a bit of flying and true grit. They even come from similar backgrounds with the Steiners being amateur standouts at the University of Michigan while the Bulldogs graduated from the school of hard knocks by surviving Wigan, England's notoriously tough Snake Pit.
4. Sting vs. Jake "The Snake" Roberts- Snake Pit Match
The stoic Jake took the ebullient Stinger under his wing after yet another wrestler turned on Sting. The plan was to toughen Sting up and teach him to be more aware of dealing with potential dastardly customers. Roberts put Sting through a series of frankly bizarre trials, but nobody thought too much about it because Jake was always an odd duck even if he was a fan favorite.
Then "The Snake" struck in a ritual gone horribly right from the perspective of the sinister Snake Man and horribly wrong from the perspective of poor Sting. Roberts coaxed Sting into letting a "non venomous snake bite him. Swerve! It was actually a venomous King Cobra. Sting was incapacitated even before Jake DDTed him.
Yet in a bizarre way Jake's strange series of trials have indeed toughened up The Stinger. He is now meaner and more wary of dealing with snakes. Sting vows to break Jake's back and make him humble courtesy of the Scorpion Death Lock while Roberts promises to feed Sting to his hungry snakes after knocking him once more with the dreaded DDT.
5. JBL vs. Andre The Giant- Texas Bullrope Match
JBL was yapping about being The Wrestling God. Andre The Giant got tired of his yammering so he came out to remind JBL that he had been undefeated for 15 years. Andre challenged JBL to a match. JBL, a coward at heart like most bullies, backed down.
Only to strike the following week by shooting Andre in the back with a tranquilizer dart. This burgeoning rivalry then heated up from a 5/10 to a 10/10 real quick when JBL raped Andre of his dignity by cutting his hair.
It's on now. Andre spent the next few weeks stalking JBL, but was unable to catch the smaller man. That's when our commissioner stepped in with a brilliant plan that should have pleased both competitors.
The Commish booked a Texas Bullrope Match between the two big men. JBL should have been happy because this is his specialty match. Andre should be happy because JBL finally has nowhere to run.
Well, Andre was happy, but JBL was furious. He hemmed and hawed about the injustice of it all. But his cries fell on deaf ears. For everybody wants to see Andre squash the self-proclaimed Wrestling God once and for all. But don't write the so-called Wrestling God off just yet. We've seen in the past how resourceful he can be with his back up against the wall.
6. Randy Savage vs. Rick Rude- Falls Count Anywhere No DQ Vacant Southern Title Match
It all started when "Ravishing" Rick Rude made a pass at Savage's demure manager Miss Elizabeth. Savage saw red. Rude fled. The next few weeks saw Rude continue to hit on Miss Elizabeth as Savage became more and more infuriated. It wasn't long before the lovely visage of Miss Elizabeth appeared on Rude's tights strategically placed in the groinal area, of course.
All hell broke loose when a mentally distracted Savage was temporary downed by a jobber. Rick Rude picked that moment to gyrate in front of Miss Elizabeth. He then went in for a kiss...
Only to be slapped by Liz! An irate Savage then hit Rude with a Pearl Harbor Knee. Oh no! It knocked Rude into Miss Elizabeth! The lovely Elizabeth was down and out. Savage carried his beloved manager to the back while a smirking Rude remained at ringside merely shrugging off the tragic incident he was directly responsible for.
So they're finally meeting in a match with no rules so these two manly men can settle their argument once and for all. USWA has even decided to award the resurrected Southern Title to the winner of what promises to be a barn burner.
*Let's be honest. This card is 6 for 6 so far. Any one of these matches would be a lock for MOTN on a normal show. But this is no normal show. It's Lawlermania, baby! And the best is yet to come....
7. Jerry Lawler vs. Ric Flair vs. Terry Funk
The King Returns in a Funkin' Flair For The Gold
Triple Threat Rules
60 Minute Time Limit
For the vacant USWA Unified World Championship
And bragging rights as the undisputed Greatest Of All Time
Pro Wrestling does not get any bigger than this. Pro Wrestling can not get any better than this. It is literally impossible. Here you have the only 3 serious GOAT candidates* competing for the only title that matters in the wrestling capital of the world in the main event of Lawlermania. I mean, you might as well end this entire charade of a tournament and award me the title of 2021 PW Fanfic Draft Champion because there is no way I can lose with this main event.
Live on Pay Per View
From the Liberty Bowl in Memphis, Tennessee
Lawlermania 2021
Return of the King
Featuring...
GOATs on Parade
In...
*Once upon a time Lawlermania was a regular occurrence and pro wrestling was great. Then Lawlermania stopped being a thing and pro wrestling descended into a two decade decline. Coincidence? I think not.
Wrestling fans suffered pain and misery...
Everyone was shouting...
Save pro wrestling now!
The King heard the cries of his people...
And set out to do just that...
By resurrecting...
Lawlermania~!
What is Lawlermania, you ask? Well, it's like Wrestlemania. Only better. Because it takes place in the wrestling capital of the world, Memphis, Tennessee and revolves around Jerry "The King" Lawler. There were about a dozen Lawlermanias in the late 90s. They ranged from amazing to epic. And now it's back with the biggest main event in Lawlermania history. Yeah, I went there. Bigger than the Tournament for the Titles at IV. Bigger than the Grasslands Match at I or Dr. Death's coronation at II. Bigger than Lawler vs. The Boones and Lawler vs. Smith Hart. Bigger than Lawler's retirement match (lol) and Lawler vs. Smoke. Even bigger than the Lawler/Dundee FINAL COUNTDOWN Match at III!
1. World's Greatest Tag Team vs. America's Most Wanted- #1 Contenders Match
For nearly two decades pro wrestling scholars have argued over who was the greatest tag team of 2003. This match between two tremendous tandems who combine old school sensibilities with new school flash will settle the debate once and for all.
2. Great Muta vs. John Morrison vs. 2 Cold Scorpio- Showdown of the Skywalkers Three Way Dance
These three amazingly athletic aerial assassins will meet in an elimination 3 Way to determine who maintains their claim as the master of the airy domain.
3. Steiner Brothers vs. British Bulldogs- Vacant USWA Tag Title Match
The only thing greater than these teams popularity are their similarities. Both duos are suplexcellent technicians who combine incredible athleticism with a bit of flying and true grit. They even come from similar backgrounds with the Steiners being amateur standouts at the University of Michigan while the Bulldogs graduated from the school of hard knocks by surviving Wigan, England's notoriously tough Snake Pit.
4. Sting vs. Jake "The Snake" Roberts- Snake Pit Match
The stoic Jake took the ebullient Stinger under his wing after yet another wrestler turned on Sting. The plan was to toughen Sting up and teach him to be more aware of dealing with potential dastardly customers. Roberts put Sting through a series of frankly bizarre trials, but nobody thought too much about it because Jake was always an odd duck even if he was a fan favorite.
Then "The Snake" struck in a ritual gone horribly right from the perspective of the sinister Snake Man and horribly wrong from the perspective of poor Sting. Roberts coaxed Sting into letting a "non venomous snake bite him. Swerve! It was actually a venomous King Cobra. Sting was incapacitated even before Jake DDTed him.
Yet in a bizarre way Jake's strange series of trials have indeed toughened up The Stinger. He is now meaner and more wary of dealing with snakes. Sting vows to break Jake's back and make him humble courtesy of the Scorpion Death Lock while Roberts promises to feed Sting to his hungry snakes after knocking him once more with the dreaded DDT.
5. JBL vs. Andre The Giant- Texas Bullrope Match
JBL was yapping about being The Wrestling God. Andre The Giant got tired of his yammering so he came out to remind JBL that he had been undefeated for 15 years. Andre challenged JBL to a match. JBL, a coward at heart like most bullies, backed down.
Only to strike the following week by shooting Andre in the back with a tranquilizer dart. This burgeoning rivalry then heated up from a 5/10 to a 10/10 real quick when JBL raped Andre of his dignity by cutting his hair.
It's on now. Andre spent the next few weeks stalking JBL, but was unable to catch the smaller man. That's when our commissioner stepped in with a brilliant plan that should have pleased both competitors.
The Commish booked a Texas Bullrope Match between the two big men. JBL should have been happy because this is his specialty match. Andre should be happy because JBL finally has nowhere to run.
Well, Andre was happy, but JBL was furious. He hemmed and hawed about the injustice of it all. But his cries fell on deaf ears. For everybody wants to see Andre squash the self-proclaimed Wrestling God once and for all. But don't write the so-called Wrestling God off just yet. We've seen in the past how resourceful he can be with his back up against the wall.
6. Randy Savage vs. Rick Rude- Falls Count Anywhere No DQ Vacant Southern Title Match
It all started when "Ravishing" Rick Rude made a pass at Savage's demure manager Miss Elizabeth. Savage saw red. Rude fled. The next few weeks saw Rude continue to hit on Miss Elizabeth as Savage became more and more infuriated. It wasn't long before the lovely visage of Miss Elizabeth appeared on Rude's tights strategically placed in the groinal area, of course.
All hell broke loose when a mentally distracted Savage was temporary downed by a jobber. Rick Rude picked that moment to gyrate in front of Miss Elizabeth. He then went in for a kiss...
Only to be slapped by Liz! An irate Savage then hit Rude with a Pearl Harbor Knee. Oh no! It knocked Rude into Miss Elizabeth! The lovely Elizabeth was down and out. Savage carried his beloved manager to the back while a smirking Rude remained at ringside merely shrugging off the tragic incident he was directly responsible for.
So they're finally meeting in a match with no rules so these two manly men can settle their argument once and for all. USWA has even decided to award the resurrected Southern Title to the winner of what promises to be a barn burner.
*Let's be honest. This card is 6 for 6 so far. Any one of these matches would be a lock for MOTN on a normal show. But this is no normal show. It's Lawlermania, baby! And the best is yet to come....
7. Jerry Lawler vs. Ric Flair vs. Terry Funk
The King Returns in a Funkin' Flair For The Gold
Triple Threat Rules
60 Minute Time Limit
For the vacant USWA Unified World Championship
And bragging rights as the undisputed Greatest Of All Time
Pro Wrestling does not get any bigger than this. Pro Wrestling can not get any better than this. It is literally impossible. Here you have the only 3 serious GOAT candidates* competing for the only title that matters in the wrestling capital of the world in the main event of Lawlermania. I mean, you might as well end this entire charade of a tournament and award me the title of 2021 PW Fanfic Draft Champion because there is no way I can lose with this main event.
*Wrestling fans love to argue over who is the GOAT. Most of these debates are boring and flawed from the outset. Because tru wrestling connoisseurs know the answer is either Lawler, Flair, or Funk. Any other opinion is objectively wrong.
I first became aware of this nearly a quarter century ago. Before even the first Lawlermania! And 25 years later I am more convinced than ever that these are the three Greatest of All Time.
Lawler has wrestled Flair. Lawler has wrestled Funk. And Flair has wrestled Funk. But never have all 3 men wrestled each other at the same time. Until now.
I know what you're thinking. "LOL of course Lawler is going to win because the show is called LAWLERmania." Not necessarily true. Who can ever forget Lawler getting steamrolled by Dr. Death Steve Williams at Lawlermania II? And of course longtime fans will also recall Lawler submitting to Bob Boone Jr. clean as a sheet in the middle of the ring a few Lawlermanias later.
No further hype is needed when you've got the only 3 serious GOAT candidates competing in the Greatest Match of All Time in the main event of the Greatest Show of All Time. So I'll leave you with one last thing to think about....
There can be only one.
I first became aware of this nearly a quarter century ago. Before even the first Lawlermania! And 25 years later I am more convinced than ever that these are the three Greatest of All Time.
Lawler has wrestled Flair. Lawler has wrestled Funk. And Flair has wrestled Funk. But never have all 3 men wrestled each other at the same time. Until now.
I know what you're thinking. "LOL of course Lawler is going to win because the show is called LAWLERmania." Not necessarily true. Who can ever forget Lawler getting steamrolled by Dr. Death Steve Williams at Lawlermania II? And of course longtime fans will also recall Lawler submitting to Bob Boone Jr. clean as a sheet in the middle of the ring a few Lawlermanias later.
No further hype is needed when you've got the only 3 serious GOAT candidates competing in the Greatest Match of All Time in the main event of the Greatest Show of All Time. So I'll leave you with one last thing to think about....
There can be only one.
AM
