AKA, NO Main Event! 

I stole this idea from reddit. Now to clarify here, "Main Event" specifically means the final match on a show. No, Big Show vs. Drew McIntyre does not count because it wasn't part of the WrestleMania broadcast. Hell, let's jazz it up a little. The thread title says WrestleMania, but you can do, like, a Summerslam using only Main Eventers, or a Starrcade, or a Bound for Glory, or a... WrestleKingdom, or a Barely Legal. I dunno, just go nuts. Here's one I tried. 

Yokozuna vs. Andre The Giant (Special Guest Referee: King Kong Bundy). Just a quick, like, six minute spectacle match, especially since this would be Mania 3 Andre and he's fuuuuucked. Yoko goes over with a superkick and a Banzai Drop after salt in the eyes, then Andre beats up Mr. Fuji just because to get his heat back.

Brock Lesnar vs. The Ultimate Warrior. Brock wins. Just shoots on him.

Daniel Bryan vs. Bret Hart for the Intercontinental Championship - Mania 9 Bret vs. Mania 30 Bryan. Bryan wins, boys shake hands.

No DQ - Randy Savage vs. Mick Foley - Great promos leading up to this match, do a garbage stip to hide that it's 2000s Mick Foley, Randy wins with an elbow drop through a table.

Roddy Piper vs. Hulk Hogan (Special Guest Referee: Mr. T) - Piper goes over when T turns on Hogan and decks him right in the jaw for real, then beats him up some more because Hogan's a racist, then he turns around and knocks out Piper, who is also probably racist.

Power and Money (Ted Dibiase, Sycho Sid, Paul Orndorff, Sgt. Slaughter) vs. Power of the People (Batista, Big Show, The Rock, Lawrence Taylor) - Look sometimes you just have a lot of fucking people, I'm not running a twenty match card. Power and Money go over when Miz runs in and trips up Big Show so Sid can chokeslam him because Miz was mad he wasn't on the team. Then The Rock can say something homophobic because he's from 2001 and that's what a babyface does and the babyface team gets their heat back by beating up The Miz.

AJ Styles vs. Rey Mysterio - Literally why would you not? Flip a coin. Rey goes over.

Chris Jericho and Edge vs. D-Generation X (Shawn Michaels and Triple H) - for the Tag Team Championship - Canada's Revenge! Shawn taps out to the Walls.

Drew McIntyre vs. The Undertaker - Drew squashes him. Just absolutely buries him. Fuck you, old man.

Randy Orton and Charlotte Flair vs. Becky Lynch and Steve Austin - Two of the most over wrestlers of their generation regardless of gender vs. The Two Anointed ones. Randy taps out to the Dis-Arm-Her because why not?

Kurt Angle vs. Seth Rollins - Seth goes for the Stomp, Angle shoves him into the air Mania RKO style, yanks him down and puts him in the ankle lock and taps him out like the nerd he is.

Roman Reigns vs. John Cena For the WWE Championship - Heel Reigns is Best Reigns. He goes over here and just kills John Cena dead with a spear.

(Three-Way Dance) Bianca Belair vs. Sasha Banks vs. Ronda Rousey for the WWE Women's Championship - Ronda is out first. Bianca goes over clean again.

Neat idea. I'll bite.

*Worked on this whenever I had a free minute today. Thought for sure 🤯 would beat me to the punch and 'steal' half my matches in the process. Just realized I tweaked the rules a little to get the best possible card. Oh well. Not changing anything this late in the game. Don't think I forgot anybody. Bold denotes winners.

Hulk Hogan vs. Steve Austin- Biggest possible match. Golden Age vs. Attitude Era. Hero vs. Antihero. 80s vs. 90s. Vince's bank account & The Fans.

Shawn Michaels (98) vs. The Rock (00)- Hype and promos would be fire. Feelings will be hurt. Mr. Wrestlemania goes down in defeat yet again. 

Bret Hart (94) vs. HHH (00)- Bret gets revenge on one of the architects of the Screwjob.

Undertaker vs. John Cena vs. Kurt Angle- Taker vs. the two guys everybody always rebooks him against at Manias. Taker wins because Wrestlemania.

Brock Lesnar vs. Mick Foley- Gimmick Match- Foley takes a KOTR 98 level beating in a match not for the faint of heart.  

Randy Savage vs. Roddy Piper- Piper does the rare job after a build rivaling HBK/Rock. 

Sid vs. Batista- Powerbomb Match- PI

Ultimate Warrior vs. Randy Orton- Squash city. Think Warrior/Helmsley 2.0.

Chris Benoit vs. Daniel Bryan- Purists Dream Match ends in a standing ovation.

Sgt. Slaughter vs. Yokozuna- Flag Match- Slaughter raises Old Glory after surviving the 568 pounder and his cheating pole climbers Fuji & Cornette.

Sasha Banks vs. Becky Lynch vs Charlotte Flair- Horsewomen Collide- Charlotte taps to Sasha...or Becky. Doesn't really matter. Important thing is Charlotte loses since everybody seems to hate her.

Million Dollar Jersey Shore Boys (King Kong Bundy & Bam Bam Bigelow) vs. Generations of Giants (Andre The Giant & Big Show)- COLOSSAL JOSTLE- Andre left the Corporation because reasons and brought HIS SON in as backup to help him get revenge. It's another heartwarming Wrestlemania moment as the first father/son team in 'Mania history prevails.

Bianca Belair vs. Ronda Rousey- Part timer loses to full timer with the cool wrestling figure league Jeff Gaylord offense.

Celebrities (Lawrence Taylor & Mr. T) vs. Wannabes (Miz & Paul Orndorff)- Miz annoyed special guests T & LT at the Royal Rumble in his desperate attempt to hobnob with the rich and famous. Unfortunately for The Miz even his Wonderful bodyguard grew tired of his antics and turned on him towards the end of this fun popcorn match to give Miz an out for losing to non-wrestlers.

AJ Styles vs. Drew McIntyre vs. Ted Dibiase- Summerslam 1992 storyline with Dibiase sowing paranoia among his opponents by claiming one of them sold out to him. Dibiase capitalizes on their dissension by sneaking in at an opportune moment to score the cheap victory. 

The Shield (Roman Reigns & Seth Rollins) vs. Canadian Blondes (Edge & Chris Jericho)- Shield kick off the biggest, baddest, bestest Wrestlemania to date by winning a hot opener over the alternately named Canadian Violence Connection. 

*I'll probably give Summerslam a shot tomorrow.

Jul 17, 2021 2:03:39 GMT Baker said:

*I'll probably give Summerslam a shot tomorrow.

Tried. Failed. Entirely too many wrestlers main evented Summerslam. Card would have been like 30 matches long.

I was actually excited to use Underfaker & Zeus. Love those guys! I'm sure I could have even come up with something halfway decent for Iron Sheik, Beefcake, and Mabel. But 2010 was the nail in the coffin. Threw in the towel when I came across a wrestler I never even heard of named Michael Tarver. Somebody chat me up on this guy.

While your at it, what was the deal with the Reigns/HHH Wrestlemania main event? When it comes to modern Wrestlemania main events I usually at least have a passing knowledge of them existing because of all the time I spend on PW. Don't remember Reigns/HHH at all though.

Super Starrcade

*Same rules and format as last time. Skipping the two BattleBowl main events to prevent bloat.
EDIT: Aww nuts. Just remembered Muta won the 92 BattleBowl. Scrap the Butcher segment and have Muta squash Brother Bruti. I’ll edit properly tomorrow when I’m back on my laptop.

Ric Flair vs. Bret Hart- Mr. Starrcade gets the last laugh by defeating bitter Bret in North Carolina, which is of course where all Starrcades should be held.

Hulk Hogan vs. Kevin Nash- Did these two ever have a proper high profile match? Major missed opportunity if not. Fingerpokes obviously don't count.

Sting vs. Randy Savage- ^How about these two? Rinse and repeat if not. Oh wait. Spring Stampede '98. Duh. 

Roddy Piper vs. Dusty Rhodes- How cool would a mid 80s feud between these two mic masters have been? Answer: Very. 

Vader vs. Goldberg- $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ So. Many. Dimes.

Sid vs. Lex Luger- Baker beats 🤯 when a tortured Sid taps to the Rack.

Scott Steiner vs. Nikita Koloff- Didn't expect Starrcade to be hossier than Wrestlemania. Maybe I was wrong all those years and WCW > WWF after all?

-Weird segment with The Butcher. The former Barber recently took a bad bump on the head which causes him to change his persona every 30 seconds. Zodiac, Booty Man, Disciple.....we get it all here in a segment for the ages.

Harley Race vs. Ron Garvin- Rugged old school match you can set your watch to and will put hair on your chest whilst doing so.

*That's a damn fine 8 match card. 

Hulk Hogan vs. Kevin Nash- Did these two ever have a proper high profile match? Major missed opportunity if not. Fingerpokes obviously don't count.

I can't believe I had to think about this for a second. The first ever PPV I saw the hype for was Road Wild '99 which saw Nash put his career on the line to challenge for Hogan's WCW Championship.

I thought I had seen an end of an era when Nash retired, 1/4 of the Revenge cover was no more only to learn quickly that Pro Wrestling retirements are bs.

Submitted for your Approval 

Bound For Eternal Glory 

Tajiri vs. Rich Swann vs. Sanada vs. Austin Aries (Ultimate X Match) - For the TNA X-Division Championship 
A hot opener, kicking things off with what's always been something that defined TNA and is one of their most over match types. Everyone hits their finisher on Aries at some point and Tajiri grabs the belt. 

Eric Young vs. Johnny Impact (If Eric loses, he must join "Dirtbag Generation" as their Young Boy) 
Similar to the Bobby Roode angle way back, Johnny Impact is mad that everyone loves fan favorite Eric Young and doesn't understand why he's always been so popular. While the rest of his "Dirtbag Generation" stable have their own objectives, Johnny has decided he's going to make Eric's life a living hell. That culminates in this match where if Eric wins, Johnny has to shave his head, but if Johnny wins, Eric will become his butler. Johnny wins with hairspray in the eyes and End of the World. 

Sami Callihan vs Bully Ray (No Disqualification Match) 
Bully was cutting a promo where he was calling a woman a whore or something and then telling someone in the crowd off for booing his girlfriend when Sami ran out and hit him in the kidneys with a baseball bat. Then Sami told Bully "Stay in your lane, old man." They have a bloody match here, Sami wins when he beats Bully's brain in with the bat.  

Sting and The Great Muta vs "Dirtbag Generation" (Eli Drake and Mr. Anderson) 
Eli and Anderson decided they were going to mess with Sting. They harassed Sting at every turn, cost him matches, buried him in promos, and attacked him constantly. Sting finally got help from an unlikely source, his old enemy The Great Muta. The babyfaces go over because of course Sting wasn't putting anyone over at Bound For Glory. He puts Anderson in the Deathlock and Muta crouches down and sprays him in the face with mist to make him tap. 

Rhino vs. Brian Cage (Tables Match) 
Just a couple of beefmen fighting it out to see who's the Real Man since Scott Steiner never main evented a BFG. Rhino kills Cage with a GORE that sends him outside into a bunch of tables. 

The Hardys vs Beer Money (Full Metal Mayhem Match) - For the TNA World Tag Team Championships
The Hardy brothers think they're the best tag team of all time. Beer Money says "Good for you, but you're in our house now, and we are the best team in the history of this company, you have to go through us." The Hardys say they will, they win a match to pick a stipulation, they pick Full Metal Mayhem. Beer Money goes over to say "Fuck the Fed." 

Jeff Jarrett vs. Ethan Carther III
Jeff Jarrett has had enough of the Dirtbag Generation messing with his show and thinking they can do whatever they want. ECIII, leader of the DG, says he has a note from Aunt Dixie saying that they can, in fact, do whatever they want. Jarrett shoves the note in Ethan's mouth and hits him with The Stroke. Jarrett also says "Well Fuck Aunt Dixie" and that she had no business making decisions on what happened in the ring. Ethan reminded Jeff that without Aunt Dixie, TNA would have gone out of business years ago. They need the Carters, they need their money, and they need to remember their place. So they have this match. If Jarrett wins, the Carters can't have any say on the in-ring product, meaning that the Dirtbag Generation's protection is null and void, meaning he's gonna fire them as soon as the match is over. But if Ethan wins, the Dirtbag Generation gets to have direct influence and power on TNA. They have a crazy Memphis brawl with Legend Babyface Jarrett, ref bumps, blood, weapon shots, ECIII wins when Eli, desperate to stay in the good graces since his team lost, slips Ethan diamond-studded brass knuckles. Now the Dirtbags will have power starting on the next episode of Impact. 

Kurt Angle vs. Lashley (Six Side of Steel) 
An unofficial #1 Contender's match. These guys always had good chemistry, put 'em in a cage and give it a little bit of an MMA influence and let them just go nuts. Angle wins off the Angle Slam.

Samoa Joe vs AJ Styles - For the TNA World Heavyweight Championship 
Speaking of going nuts. Just let these two do whatever the hell they want, a couple of TNA originals main eventing the TNA PPV. Crazy, right? Joe chokes AJ out to prove that he is, and has always been, the fucking man. 

I will take my own stab at Summerslam at some point. 

I give you 
The Sizzlin' Summerslam 

Lex Luger vs. Adnan and Mustafa 
Lex Luger drops them both with a forearm to pop the crowd because this is AMERICA. He waves the flag, people cheer, we start the show off on an energetic note. 

Booker T vs. Triple H 
Oh you'd better believe Booker is going over on this one and taking liberties. 

"Ravishing" Rick Rude (w/Sensational Sherri) vs. Seth Rollins 
Rick Rude wants to fuck Seth Rollins' wife. Seth Rollins does not want Rick Rude to fuck his wife. They fight. Seth has a hot underdog babyface comeback and wins with... the Phoenix Splash, why not? 

Power and Money (Ted DiBiase, Sgt. Slaughter, Zeus, Braun Strowman) vs. Solidarity Forever (John Morrison, Darren Young, R-Truth, Jeff Hardy) 
DiBiase's feeling pretty good after his win at WrestleMania and plans to come to Summerslam with the New and Improved (read: half of those guys didn't main event Summerslams) Power and Money, and they'll crush anyone who tries to step up to them. This challenge is answered by a bunch of crowd favorite babyfaces and squeaky-clean Young Boy Darren Young. Zeus is an idiot who gets himself DQ'd. Sgt. Stolen Valor gets dropped by an Axe Kick and a Swanton. DiBiase looks nervous but then Strowman takes out Morrison and Truth. He beats on the babyfaces for a little while before Darren gets the miracle roll-up for a big pop. Strowman runs Darren through a barricade and puts him through a table. Darren gets counted out, DiBiase cackles and beats on a wounded Jeff Hardy. But Hardy rallies back and hits the Twist Of Fate and the Swanton for a big pop. 

British Bulldog vs. Wade Barrett 
Barrett says Bulldog is an embarrassment to England who brings shame to the Union Jack and the Queen. All his life, Bulldog followed the coattails of Americans like Jim Cornette, or Canadians like Bret and Owen. Subservient to the colonies like an absolute cretin. Barrett will destroy him and make his way to being the first English World champion. "Scotland doesn't bloody count!" Bulldog basically responded with one of those "Swear on me mum" memes. Bulldog wins with the Powerslam. 

The Undertaker vs. "The Undertaker" and "The Fiend" Bray Wyatt (w/ Paul Bearer) 
I dunno, Bearer hates the Undertaker now and he's summoned the spookiest bullshit from the deepest caverns of his crypts to bury the Deadman once and for all. Taker wins because he's 94 Taker and we didn't know he was a dirtbag yet. 

Vader (w/Jim Cornette) vs. Samoa Joe 
Vader was going around killing people, being a big old bully. Samoa Joe said "How about you try and bully me?" Because he's a bad dude. Just an absolute hossfight, clobber the hell out of each other like it's All Japan. Joe chokes Vader out and then he hits Cornette with a Muscle Buster. 

CM Punk (w/Ric Flair) vs. Bret Hart 
Despite losing to Bryan, Bret still believes that one match does not define him and wants another match because he is still the best there is, the best there was- "And the whiniest there ever will be!" Punk cuts him off and come out and they just tear each other apart with promos leading up to this match. It's 97 Bret so he's learned how to talk. Ric Flair is here because "I HATE BRET HART! I WANNA BE THERE TO WATCH YOU EMBARASS HIM!" Punk and Ric have something but they're not quite gelling and it costs Punk and he gets caught in the Sharpshooter. Ric tries attacking Bret after the match and he also taps. 

Mankind vs. Brutus Beefcake 
Foley just kills Brutus. Absolutely destroys him. It's not a No DQ match, but the ref doesn't call for the bell because it's Brutus Beefcake, who cares? He hits Ed in the head so many times with a chair that he starts going into different gimmicks. When he's the Booty Man, Mankind hits him in the ass with the chair. Piledriver on the chair and then the Mandible Claw, Mankind leaves Brutus looking like he just got hit by the jet ski. 

Goldberg vs. The Dregs (David Otunga, Skip Sheffield, Heath Slater, Justin Gabriel, Michael Tarver)  
The ones who are left. Otunga disappeared, Tarver disappeared out of some appearances in New Japan and for the NWA in the Bruce Tharpe era, Ryback became a meme, Slater and Gabriel can fuck off. They're pissed and they wanna take it out on everyone. There's just one problem. They're running into Goldberg, and there's nothing cooler than Goldberg killing jabronies. Gabriel and Slater immediately get speared and stacked on top of each other. Otunga poses and eats a Jackhammer. Tarver does his boxing gimmick, gets hit with a pop-up spear and dies. Sheffield throws a couple clotheslines but the he eats the Jackhammer, too. Two minutes, tops. 

Ultimate Warrior vs. Yokozuna, Andre the Giant, and Mabel (w. Sir Mo, Mr. Fuji, and Bobby Heenan) 
These three massive men put their differences aside for one simple reason: They absolutely hate The Ultimate Warrior. They beat the hell out of him for five minutes and the only reason it takes that long is because Heenan, Mo, and Fuji commandeer the commentary booth to just bury Jim Hellwig MST3K style. The Large Lads take liberties and definitely tag Jim a few times for real and then Andre just stands on Warrior's chest for the 3. 

Chris Jericho and Edge (c) vs. The Kliq (Shawn Michaels and Diesel w/Chyna) - For the WWE Tag Team Championship 
After Shawn superkicks Hunter to the curb and blames him for the loss at Mania, he brings in Diesel (who I definitely didn't forget to book for Mania) and Chyna and The Kliq wants another shot at the tag gold. Jericho and Edge agree, on the condition that if Shawn loses, he has to wrestle Bret Hart at the Survivor Series Supreme. Shawn accepts, Diesel taps out to the Liontamer, now Shawn's gonna have to fight Bret. 

THE BATTLE OF GENERATIONS: The MegaPowers (w/Ms. Elizabeth) vs. "Stone Cold" Steve Austin and The Rock vs. John Cena and Randy Orton

The MegaPowers reunite and Austin and Rock come out to bury them, especially Hogan, in a promo. Then John Cena and Orton come out and say "Well, let's go nuts and mix it up." Lots of cool moments and crowd interactions to get the crowd to pop. Hogan eats an RKO. And an AA. And the Stunner. And the Rock Bottom. And a People's Elbow to give Rock and Austin the win. Hogan and Savage argue after the match and then Hogan punches Savage in the mouth and drops the leg. Don't worry, Hogan'll get his at Survivor Series.

Daniel Bryan (c) vs. Kurt Angle - For the WWE Intercontinental Championship 
Yeah, yeah, I'm a hypocrite. Of course I was gonna book Bryan vs. Angle. They just have the best match they possibly can. Bryan goes over with the Yes! Lock because it's 2013 Bryan. 

Roman Reigns (c) (w/ Paul Heyman) vs. Brock Lesnar - For the WWE Championship 
Brock's beaten Roman before, many, many times. But he's never faced The Tribal Chief and he's never done it without Heyman in his corner. They have a rough, smash-mouth match and beat the hell out of each other, Roman chokes Brock out and Brock is forced to acknowledge The Tribal Chief. 


And it only took 15 Matches. It seems kinda long  but, hey, there's been longer Manias. 

I tried starting with Survivor Series just to be different. It broke my brain.

Might come back this weekend to start with WrestleMania as a "warmup".

OK, tried to do an Ultimate WrestleMania without repeating too much from Baker-man or KITN. I tried to also include anyone who had a notable role in main events, like managers or specially billed guest officials. Anyway, here's what I got...

🤯 presents...
Ultimate WrestleMania

(matches in order from first to last)

Preshow Webcast Dark Match for the Internet Title: Daniel Bryan (c) vs. The Miz (w/ Alex Riley)
DB successfully retains by submission with the YES! Lock in an underrated gem, thanks in part to lackey Riley finally turning on the unappreciative Miz.

Tag Team Grudge Match: Sports & Entertainment (Lawrence Taylor & Mr. T) vs. Beauty & The Beast (Paul Orndorff & Bam Bam Bigelow)
Orndorff & Bigelow stood up to represent all of professional wrestling on the Grandest Stage of Them All... only to suffer embarrassing defeats at the hands of non-wrestler celebrities. United by their shared humiliation, Orndorff & Bigelow are out for redemption and revenge. Meanwhile, Lawrence Taylor & Mr. T —representing sports and entertainment respectively— were all too happy to join forces and take on the challenge. Also known as "LT&T", Sports & Entertainment promises to embarrass Beauty & The Beast all over again.

I'm thinking the finish sees LT&T win with a Doomsday Device on Orndorff, and then a post-match implosion between Beauty & The Beast as they argue over who's responsible for the loss. All credit to Baker-man for giving me this idea and letting me steal it without permission.

Hasselhoff Hoss-off: Sid (w/ Harvey Wippleman) vs. Drew McIntyre
This hoss-off is sponsored by Germany's favorite pop culture sensation, David Hasselhoff. The Hasselhoff tie-in comes about as a result of Sid guest-starring on Baywatch while one half of the Masters of the Powerbomb tag team. Drew is really just filler here... Just like he is everywhere in real life.

The finish sees Sid suffer a compound fracture when he attempts a jumping big boot off the top rope. Just as he pulls himself up onto his one leg, he eats a Claymore for the academic pinfall. Sorry, Sid!

War to End All Wars Match: Sgt. Slaughter vs. Ted DiBiase (w/ General Adnan)
Sarge realized the only reason America has been going to war and meddling in the Middle East is because of the wealthy elite's interest in oil. No amount of money is worth the blood shed and lives lost overseas by U.S. GIs, so Sarge has set his sights on the head of the Multimillion Dollar Conglomeration perpetuating the mess in the Middle East: Ted DiBiase.

DiBiase, flanked by his mercenary head of security General Adnan, calls Sarge a hypocrite. Without the wars fought for territory and resources, there'd be no reason for Sarge's beloved Marine Corps to even exist. If there's one thing DiBiase hates more than the poor, it's hypocrites like Sarge. So DiBiase is all too keen to take the DI to task in a War to End All Wars Match.

I'm thinking this stands to be as epic as Sarge's boot camp and Desert Storm matches against the likes of Patterson, Sheik, and Hogan and DiBiase's steel cage bloodbath against Duggan. I'm thinking finish sees Sarge somehow reverse DiBiase's Million Dollar Dream into the very similar Cobra Clutch... only for DiBiase to pull the Bret/Piper spot from WrestleMania VIII for the surprise pinfall.

Mixed Tag Team Grudge Match: "The Man" Becky Lynch & "The Man's Husband" Seth Rollins vs. The Rowdy Crowd ("Rowdy" Roddy Piper & "Rowdier" Ronda Rousey) (w/ Bob Orton)
Everything I love about pro wrestling vs. most of what I hate. Absolutely ripping of the brilliance of Fan Fiction's 2021 Fantasy Draft champion UT here. I suppose Becky & Seth would technically be the faces, but I'd be rooting for the Rowdy Crowd personally.

Finish sees an insecure Seth steal Becky's glory by scoring the pinfall on Ronda with a Phoenix Splash after an interfering Orton —learning nothing from WrestleMania 1— accidentally knocks Ronda out with an errant cast shot.

Intergender Intercontinental Title Match: AJ Styles (c) (w/ Luke Gallows & Karl Anderson) vs. Charlotte Flair (w/ Ric Flair)
Charlotte becomes the first woman since Chyna(?) to win the IC belt after her dad helps prevent outside interference from the Good Brothers. Thinking finish sees Charlotte escape the Styles Clash and/or somehow turn it into a surprise roll-up?

Ladder Match for the Women's Title: Bianca Belair (c) vs. Sasha Banks
This is the result of booking myself into a corner with the ladies. Adding the ladder stip to keep things fresh. Let's just say Bianca retains because I like her more. Sasha takes a hella-impressive bump of the ladder in the finish to prove the girls are just as tough as if not tougher than the boys.

War of Attrition Match: Evolution-X (Shawn Michaels, Triple H, Randy Orton, and Batista) (w/ Vince & Stephanie McMahon) vs. Canadian Stampede (Bret Hart, Chris Benoit, Chris Jericho, and Edge) (w/ Linda & Shane McMahon)
What's worse: nepotism and a screw job, or double homicide and suicide? Depends on where you're from, and who you ask. -_-

Essentially a Survivor Series elimination match where we shoehorn in the McMahon family feud. Kindhearted Linda & Shane felt bad for the Hart family in the wake of Bret's screw job and Owen's tragic death and sided with them. Meanwhile, Vince & Steph side with HHH's Evolution-X because it's what's best for business.

Bret wants revenge on behalf of his family, while Evolution-X wants to rid the industry of those pesky Harts and their fellow Canadians once and for all. I don't really care to envision how this match would go, but it almost HAS to end with a screw job homage... Right?!

Let's say it some down to Bret vs. HHH & HBK. HHH gets Bret in the Sharpshooter, but a mournful-looking HBK blasts HHH off with Sweet Chin Music as his way of repenting for his role in the MSJ. HBK eliminates himself by count-out as he turns his back on Evolution-X and walks off. Meanwhile, Bret recovers enough to apply the Sharpshooter on HHH. HHH is out cold from the Sweet Chin Music and can't tap, so Linda & Shane order the timekeeper to ring the bell. So like a face version of a screw job?

Retirement Submission Match: Kurt Angle vs. John Cena
The real last match Kurt should've had, going out against the legend he ushered in.

Neither man knows the meaning of the word "quit". For Cena, it's a matter of pride as he feels like he is the pro wrestling embodiment and representation of America's Armed Services. For Kurt, it's potentially a matter of simply being blind to the pain his broken body is in (even if that blindness is in part due to painkillers).

Anyway... Cena has his sights set on a Hollywood career now, following in The Rock's footsteps. So retirement is actually on his mind. Meanwhile, Kurt should retire to save himself from dying in the ring... but if the choice was left in his hands alone, he'd choose to become an American Misawa over voluntary retirement. And so here we are.

It'll be STFU vs. ankle lock in a book-end battle to the bitter end between two of the most determined, stubborn wrestlers to ever set foot in the squared circle. I'm thinking finish sees Cena reverse an ankle lock with a roll-through into an STFU, and then... just as a stubborn Kurt is about to pass out from the pain instead of submit... in a gesture of respect for Cena, Kurt taps.

Post-match sees hugs and handshakes and tears and a proper send-off for broken Kurt.

"Streak vs. Soul" Three Faces of Foley, Three Stages of Hell Match [Boiler Room Brawl / Hell in a Cell / Buried Alive]: The Undertaker vs. Mick Foley
A final chapter not for the feint of heart. The first fall is a Boiler Room Brawl, won by being the first man to make it from the bowels of the arena to the ring. Then, once the other man makes it to the ring, the Cell will descend to trap both men in Hell. Given their history, if they escape the Cell and a third fall is needed to decide a victor, one man will likely be literally burying the corpse of the other in the third and final fall.

It'll be Undertaker's Undefeated Streak at stake against Foley's soul... As it's do or die is so many ways for Mick. His wife says it was this match or his family, as she refuses to put herself and their kids through the torture of watching dad die or even worse... Kill himself. Mick signed on for the match despite the ultimatum because wrestling is in his blood like heroin, and just as much of an addiction.

In what is likely to be his last hardcore hurrah, Mick will show the Three Faces of Foley one final time. Mankind will start the match since he has home field advantage in the boiler room. Then he'll ditch the mask and don the flannel for HIAC. If he survives to a third fall, it'll end where it all began with his Dude Love character tying on the tye dye and preparing to die.

The match is essentially a highlight reel. Mankind just barely beats Taker to the ring, subduing him on floor at ringside with a Mandible Claw counter to a chokeslam. While Taker revives, Foley scales the Cell.

Once at the top, Foley flings the Mankind mask into the crowd as a final goodbye to the character. Then he unbuttons his ratty dress shirt to reveal the flannel and Cactus t-shirt. Taker climbs up to meet him, and... yadda yadda yadda, throws Cactus off the top. Academic pinfall afterwards after a Tombstone onto thumbtack.

Foley waves/waives off medical attention, pulls a tye-dye bandana out of his trunks and ties it around his head like he's John Rambo or Terry Funk. Then he uses his own blood to paint a heart on his arm, and with that he transforms into Dude Love. Dude puts of a valiant last stand, even knocking Taker into the open grave. In an homage to the home video that started it all, Dude climbs to the top of the front loader's boom and does a diving elbow drop into the open grave... Only to eat dirt, as Taker rolls out of the way. Taker climbs out of the grave, dumps the loader bucket to bury the dead Dude under dirt.

World Tag Team Title Match: The Colossal Connection (André the Giant & Big Show) (c) vs. The Million Dollar Monsters (King Kong Bundy & Yokozuna) (w/ Bobby Heenan, Mr. Fuji & Jim Cornette); if the challengers lose, Ted DiBiase's Multimillion Dollar Conglomeration must pay the champions one million dollars
Ripping off Baker-man's genius again, but trying to add a little of my own spice. Essentially a cooldown after the previous match.

Despite being officially known as the Million Dollar Monsters, the challengers are clearly meant to represent King Kong & Godzilla. But giants don't fear monsters, and champions don't fear challenges.

Finish sees Big Show sell out and turn on André to cost the Colossal Connection the belts.

Table Match to determine the Head of the Table: The Rock (w/ Jimmy Snuka) vs. Roman Reigns (w/ Jey Uso)
Too on the nose with the gimmick? Fuck it, @whocares! Snuka neutralizes an interfering Jey with a Superfly Splash through a table set up on the floor. Rock wins it after countering a Superman Punch into a Rock Bottom through a table in the ring.

No Holds Barred Match with special guest referee Mike Tyson: Steve Austin vs. Brock Lesnar (w/ Paul Heyman)
Finally time to pay off the match that never happened and yet still somehow caused Stone Cold to take his ball and go home.

Finish sees Austin reverse an F5 into a Stunner. An excited Tyson interjects to make the three-count a little too quickly. Brock confronts Tyson after the match, takes a punch but stays standing, then gets back in Tyson's face to possibly set up a future Brock/Tyson match.

Triple Threat Elimination Match for the vacant WWF World Heavyweight Championship with Miss Elizabeth in a neutral corner: Hulk Hogan vs. Randy Savage vs. The Ultimate Warrior
The greatest and only acceptable triple threat main event for any WrestleMania. I'm thinking Warrior eliminates Savage for screwing him out of the title, and then Hogan gets his win back by eliminating Warrior to become world champ once again.

I really wanna see Hogan/Savage/Warrior with Flair CASHING IN MITB at the end.

Yeah, I tried Survivor Series, that's not happening, that's way too many fuckers. 

Jul 17, 2021 16:06:08 GMT 🤯 said:

Triple Threat Elimination Match for the vacant WWF World Heavyweight Championship with Miss Elizabeth in a neutral corner: Hulk Hogan vs. Randy Savage vs. The Ultimate Warrior
The greatest and only acceptable triple threat main event for any WrestleMania. I'm thinking Warrior eliminates Savage for screwing him out of the title, and then Hogan gets his win back by eliminating Warrior to become world champ once again.

Many buys...

Jul 17, 2021 16:08:00 GMT @ness said:

I really wanna see Hogan/Savage/Warrior with Flair CASHING IN MITB at the end.

And all the tape rentals.
==============
I want to make a change to my Wrestlemania card. Swap Orton and Jericho. My initial logic was to throw in a squash for change of pace. And who better to squash than Randy Boreton? But if I'm going with the best possible card...

Shield vs. Rated RKO in the opener. Rated RKO teamed a whole lot more than Edge & Jericho. 

Ultimate Warrior vs. Chris Jericho would be a fun feud in the style of Jericho/Goldberg. Only this one gets an actual payoff. I'm sure we all realize by now Warrior was capable of delivering in high profile matches against the right opponent. This also plays to Jericho strengths. Instead of being a clunky workrate guy he can channel his inner Lawler or Zbyszko to ensure a good time is had by all. Warrior obviously goes over but Jericho makes him earn it.
==============
I'll see if I come up with enough fresh matches to make an Ultimate In Your House worth watching. Then I'll see what I can do with KOTR & ROH Final Battle.

It's 1998 baby, and through the magic of the time-stone, and cherry-picking from the multi-verse, it's Wrestlemania XIV. Except, it looks like X-7 and has 80,000 people in attendee. It's a glorious display of WWF at it's magical peak and nWo at it's most obnoxiously painful. 

Vince McMahon's New World Order is running wild. The Outsider's never left, Hogan returned in 1996, and the nWo super-kliq has been dominating ever since. Although, there is hope. Leading the anti-nWo sentiment is a rabid Stone Cold Steve Austin - still hurting from his experience with Hogan in WCW, Austin has mowed through 1997 establishing himself as the baddest SOB on the planet, having single-handedly put The Outsider's on the 'non-worker' list, bitch-slapping Bret Hart in the process and spitting in the face of a young Dwayne Johnson.. Austin's crosshairs are firmly locked on Hollywood Hogan's title. 


HELL in a CELL
The nWo's Shawn Michaels '97 v The Undertaker '97
This is an modified copy/paste of their Badd Blood (1997) match, except it didn't happen in 1997, it's happening in 1998... at Wrestlemania.. and, The Undertaker wins this time, as it's Wrestlemania. And to close off Undertaker's feud with Shawn Michaels - the ending see's the dramatic debut of CAIN!.. opps, yes Kane debuts in '98 now. HBK is worse for wear after this match, having bleed like a stuffed pig and bumping like a absolute champ all night. He's got the rest of the night off.

SUBMISSION MATCH
Kurt Angle '01 v Bret Hart '97
The All-American-American, Olympic Gold Medallist Kurt Angle v the bitter & old and anti-USA crusader, Bret Hart. Bret wins. But still flips off Hunter, blames a 7 year old Seth Rollins for the thermostat being too high and despite it being 1998 and surviving Montreal, he won't stop talking about it. 

WWF WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP
Chris Jericho '01 & Chris Benoit '01 (c) v Eddie Guerrero '05 & Rey Mysterio '05
The Canadian Chris' retain. But who cares, it's probably a good time to take a piss break. 

TLC - IC CHAMPIONSHIP
John Cena '06 (c) v Edge '06
This is an exact copy/past of their Unforgiven (2006) match except it's for the IC Championship. Cena retains. It's awesome. 

THE 'NEXT BIG THINGS'
The Rock '98 v Brock Lesnar '02 w/Paul Heyman

This is an modified copy/paste of their Summerslam (2002) match, except it's the battle of the 'next big things'. The Rock wins. Then eats a F5 for shits & giggles through the announcer's table. Also a piss-break. 

STREET FIGHT
Cactus Jack '00 v The nWo's Triple H '00 w/ Stephanie McMahon-Helmsley
This is an exact copy/paste of their Royal Rumble (2000) match. Triple H wins, although Hunter's leg is busted open if you remember. He's on his way to a local medical facility as they say. nWo is down both HBK & HHH and there's a WWF Title match to come next.. 

It's now evident the stars are aligning for Austin, the nWo is weakened.. a feeling a change is in the air. 

GLASS SHATTERS! BUSINESS IS ABOUT TO PICK UP! 

WWF CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH
Stone Cold Steve Austin '98 v The nWo's 'Hollywood' Hogan '98 (c) w/ special 'nWo' enforcer Mike Tyson.
Take out HBK, insert Hogan. Shenanigans galore. The Outsiders '98 and X-Pac '98 eat some stunners then Tyson turns on nWo king-pin Hogan with a wicked right hook. The dust settles, the smoke clears.. Hogan is in free-fall after that punch, albeit still on his feet... Austin hits the stunner.. 1, 2, 3! STONE-COLD! STONE-COLD! STONE-COLD!

🤯 presents...
Ultimate SummerSlam

MATCH #1*
Preshow Webcast Triple Threat Dark Match for the Internet Title: Daniel Bryan (c) vs. CM Punk vs. Samoa Joe
The IWC smarks RAGE!!!~ at this match's placement on the card. Buildup is simple, I suppose. DB is looking for his next challenger. We get those smarky mark wet dream Punk/Joe matches to determine who gets the next shot. Their series ends up tied, so DB is like "fuck it... I'll fight you both at the same time". When all is said and done, the smarks end up rating this match ahead of the Unbreakable 3-way.

MATCH #2
20-Man Tag Team Battle Royal to determine the Number One Contenders for the World Tag Team Title: The Allied Powers (Lex Luger & Davey Boy Smith) vs. Rated RKO (Randy Orton & Edge) vs. Chris Jericho & Chris Benoit vs. The Anointed Anoa'i (Roman Reigns & Yokozuna) vs. The Wyatt Family (Bray Wyatt & Braun Strownman) vs. The Undertakers (The Undertaker & The Undertaker) (w/ Paul Bearer) vs. The Kings of the Ring (King Booker & King Mabel) vs. For the Love of Money (Ted DiBiase & Alberto Del Rio) vs. The Shamans of Truth (John Morrison & R-Truth) vs. The Artist & The Architect (Jeff Hardy & Seth Rollins)
A WrestleMania XIV-inspired homage to the tag team turmoil match at SummerSlam '99. Considering the insanity I'm rolling with for my tag title match, this is less of a waste of names than you'd think. Anyway... total clusterfuck to get everyone on the card. Had some fun making up some new teams. Don't care who wins because it doesn't matter. Nothing matters. Wins and losses certainly don't matter.

MATCH #3
Asymmetric Warfare Match: Sgt. Slaughter vs. General Adnan & Colonel Mustafa
An asymmetric warfare match is just a no-disqualification handicap match. After realizing the error of his ways, Sarge declares he wants his country back... prompting Adnan & Mustafa to turn on him. The match itself sees Adnan & Mustafa play a couple of bumbling bumping stooges for Sarge... similar to the Attitude Era classic in which Chyna manhandled Patterson & Brisco.

Finish sees Mustafa accidentally scorch Adnan with an errant fireball after Sarge ducks out of harm's way. Sarge catches Mustafa on the turnaround with a Cobra Cannon, and then adds insult to injury by submitting Mustafa with Mustafa's own Camel Clutch.

MATCH #4
Hair vs. Hair Match: Rick Rude vs. Brutus Beefcake
Did this match, even without the hair vs. hair stipulation, ever take place in real life? If not, it feels like it should've. Anyway...

Finish sees Beefcake slip out of a Rude Awakening attempt and slap on a sleeper hold for the win. As a consequence, Rude loses not only his mullet but also his mustache in a post-match shearing.

MATCH #5
$1,000,000 Body Slam Challenge: André the Giant vs. John Cena
This is one part Hulk Hogan vs. André the Giant, one part John Cena vs. Big Show. A simple feat of strength with an extra hook. André dangles the million dollars he won off of Ted DiBiase's Multimillion Dollar Conglomeration at the Ultimate WrestleMania as a carrot for anyone who can step up and body slam him. So many have been tempted to attempt it, and all have failed. Even André's own tag team partner, Big Show. Speaking of Show, Cena earned this high profile shot at by André successfully slamming André's 500-pound tag team partner.

Finish sees Cena surprise André by lifting the Giant up into a fireman's carry, carrying him to the center of the ring, and then dumping him with a ring-rattling FU to win the million dollar prize.

MATCH #6
Best 2 of 3 Falls Match for the United States Heavyweight Title Match: Bret Hart (c) vs. Kurt Angle; first fall is pinfall only, second fall is submission only, and third fall *if needed* is pinfall or submission; if Kurt loses, he'll give Bret his Olympic Gold medal
Dream match overloaded with an unnecessary gimmick? Perhaps... but @whocares!

The Hitman holding the gold has been a sore spot for the Olympic Hero. Kurt says an AMERICAN should represent AMERICA as the UNITED STATES champion. Otherwise, why not rename it the Canadian metric-weight championship? To sweeten the pot, the always-overconfident Kurt says he'll give his Olympic Gold medal to Bret if he isn't victorious.

Anyway... The multi-fall stipulation is to ensure there are no excuses in the aftermath. Since champion and challenger are both renowned for their uncanny ability to catch opponents in pinning predicaments or submission situations out of nowhere, another set of stipulations is added as well. To acknowledge their respective wrestling mastery and complicate this human chess match... the first fall can only be won by pinfall; the second fall can only be won by submission; and if a third fall is needed, then it can be won by either pinfall or submission.

Honestly, I have no clue how I'd book the finishes here. So let your imagination run wild!

MATCH #7
The Core of Nexus (Wade Barrett, Heath Slater, Justin Gabriel, and Skip Sheffield) vs. The New Nation of Nexus (David Otunga, Darren Young, Michael Tarver, and Zeus)
Piss break match.

The Nexus had perhaps the GOAT debut... but then that was the peak. As I understand their history, I think they split into two separate factions not too long after their debut? Zeus is the stand-in for Ezekiel Jackson here. Lumping all the black dudes together as an unofficial New Nation of Domination to wage war against the whities.

Finish sees Zeus (possibly literally) murder Slater en route to pinning Slater's corpse to secure the victory for the New Nation.

MATCH #8
Last Man Standing Match to determine the Number One Contender for the World Heavyweight Title: Brock Lesnar vs. Vader
Baker-man already gave me my Goldberg/Vader dream match with his Ultimate Starrcade, so booking Lesnar/Vader feels all the easier here. Adding the LMS stip because a large part of me wants this to end in a draw with a ring-collapsing superplex.

BUT... Since I'd like a winner and since I'm a big ol' Brock mark, I'm thinking the finish sees both men just barely beat the ten-count after the superplex. They are both struggling to stay standing between the effects of the superplex on their bodies and the unevenness of the collapsed ring. But then Brock, summoning the last of his strength, suddenly shoots on Vader and hoists him up for a final F5 for the win.

MATCH #9
Fatal 4-Way Elimination Match for the World Tag Team Title: The Rock 'n' Sock Connection (The Rock & Mankind) (c) vs. The Mega Powers (Hulk Hogan & Randy Savage) (c) (w/ Miss Elizabeth) vs. The Two-Man Power Trip (Stone Cold Steve Austin & Triple H) (w/ Stephanie McMahon) vs. Two Dudes with Attitudes (Shawn Michaels & Diesel)
Everyone gets a (HUGE!) payday match. Perhaps the most out-of-the-box waste of big names you'll ever see booked on an ultimate dream card?

Blowing off intersecting tag team rivalries and advancing tag team implosion storylines in this one. Rock 'n' Sock are perhaps the unlikeliest team in the mix here, and they're going in as the reigning champs to boot. The Power Trip and Dudes have been feuding over which team is the better "Two", and look to settle things here by eliminating each other en route to capturing the gold. Meanwhile, Hogan is convinced winning the gold will be the salve the Mega Powers need to restore their friendship... but Savage isn't so sure.

I'm thinking the match goes something like this...

HHH's Kliq buddies HBK & Diesel sew seeds of doubt in Austin's mind that his unlikely ally will remain his ally when across the ring from them... so the Rattlesnake strikes first, stunning HHH and then walking out on him. DTA, MFer!!!~

HBK & Diesel follow-up with an arguably unnecessary Jackknife and then a diving elbow drop for the academic pinfall and elimination. Funny thing is though... HHH never had any intention of turning on Austin. This sets us up for the Two-Man Power Trip implosion with HHH turning face against a heel Austin that we never got in real life.

Then, Austin returns to the ring for a "fuck you" on HBK & Diesel, with chair shots and stunners for them as well. Hogan is all too happy to pick their bones, and pins HBK with a leg drop after encouraging Savage to hit his own diving elbow drop.

We get an epic faceoff between Hogan and Rock in the ring while Savage and Foley brawl on the floor. Savage goes for a diving elbow drop on Foley through the broadcast table, but Foley rolls at the last second, and Savage crashes and burns.

Foley gets back in the ring to assist Rock against Hogan, but misses Hogan with a wild chair shot... and crushes Rock's skull. Hogan big-boots the chair into Foley's face, then hits a leg drop on Rock to win the tag belts.

Post-match sees Hogan posing with both belts and Liz, while totally forgetting to check on Savage... whom medics are loading onto a stretcher at ringside. We come out of this match with one team still on good terms... at least for now... in HBK & Diesel; one that imploded during the match in Austin & HHH; another one with reason to potentially implode in former champs Rock & Mankind; and the new champs just barely hanging together by the thread of their newly won belts.

MATCH #10
World Heavyweight Title Match with special guest referee Jesse Ventura: The Ultimate Warrior (c) vs. Goldberg
The match we should've gotten at Halloween Havoc '98 and/or Starrcade '98!? Jesse refereed two SummerSlam main events, so we've gotta reprise that role for him here. Yet another match where I've booked myself into a corner insofar as having no idea what the finish entails or who goes over.

Putting the finishing touches on a far less kooky King of the Ring. Should be posted tonight!

Well, I did it, the result of having an unexpected staycation in front of my computer. My brain is too fried to do any further write-ups.

My Ultimate Survivor Series!


Curtain Jerker Spectacular (10 on 10)!

Butch Reed, Ken Patera, Red Rooster, Paul Roma, Snitsky, Chris Masters, Wade Barrett, The Miz, Dolph Ziggler, Erick Rowan vs. Koko B. Ware, Hillbilly Jim, Jim Neidhart, Marty Janetty, Maven, Carlito, Ryback, R-Truth,  Finn Balor, Luke Harper


An Underdog Story (7 on 6 Handicap Match)


New Foreign Fanatics (Haku, Ludvig Borga, Jacques Rougeau, Rusev, Sheamus, Shinsuke Nakamura, Drew McIntyre)  vs. The Ultimate Underdogs (Rey Mysterio, Chris Benoit, Daniel Bryan, CM Punk, Edge, Chris Jericho)


A Corporate Conundrum 

The Corporation (Shane McMahon, Roman Reigns, Kane, JBL, IRS, Crush, Bobby Lashley) vs. The Whole F'N Team (RVD, Mankind, Booker T, Samoa Joe, John Cena, Seth Rollins, Tito Santana)   


Ultimate Colossal Jostle (6 on 5 handicap match)

Andre's Apostles (Andre The Giant, Big Bossman, Bam Bam Bigelow, Big Show, Braun Strowman) vs. Bundy's Behemoths (King Kong Bundy, One Man Gang, Earthquake, Typhoon, Yokozuna, Mark Henry)


There Are No Points For Second Place

The Elite (Ted DiBiase, Arn Anderson, Randy Orton, Bobby Roode) vs. College Rules! (Brock Lesnar, Kurt Angle, The Steiner Brothers)

Here's The Beef!

The Narcissists (Lex Luger, Rick Rude, Paul Orndorff, Don Muraco, Hercules, Rick Martel) w/ Bobby Heenan vs. The Warriors (Ultimate Warrior, Legion Of Doom, Goldberg, Batista, Warlord)


Main Event

Hulkamaniacs (Hulk Hogan, Steve Austin, Randy Savage, Bret Hart, Undertaker) vs. The People's Kliq (Shawn Michaels, The Rock, Diesel, Sid, Triple H)

Jul 19, 2021 21:25:48 GMT Shootist said:

Well, I did it, the result of having an unexpected staycation in front of my computer. My brain is too fried to do any further write-ups.

My Ultimate Survivor Series!

Love all the star power on the Hulkamaniacs team. That'll draw some dimes.

Was about to give 🤯 the business because I thought he forgot Undertaker, but there he is in a throwaway midcard tag team battle royal. Undertakers vs. Brothers of Destruction: Who you got? More importantly, Undertakers vs. Smoke & Spellbinder?

I don't remember Rude & Beefcake feuding but agree it would have been a natural feud that should have happened.  A quick search reveals two matches on Youtube- one from 1987 and the other from 1989. Might check them out after my upcoming "Nature Boy" Austin Steele binge if I'm still in a rasslin' mood. 

^
Thanks, I'm honored to have that GIF as a response to one of my posts, lol. Plus the possibilities are endless for some actual dissension in the ranks for Hogan's team.

Tweaked my card, it makes a lot more sense for Bobby Heenan to be with the Narcissists since he is "The Brain". Plus he managed nearly all those guys.

Edit 2: Forgot Seth Rollins! Now The Corporation doesn't have an advantage.

I think this was harder than Survivor Series. I really couldn't lump a bunch of guys together to get them off the board and find a somewhat meaningful match for each.


Ultimate Wrestlemania!

The Nobody Gives A Crap Dark Match

Drew McIntyre vs. The Miz- and it really is dark too with the lights shut off, nobody wants to see this. I so wanted to put John Cena in this spot but I have other trollish plans...

Triple Threat Women's Title Match

Ronda Rousey vs. Becky Lynch vs. Charlotte Flair-  Rousey dislocates Charlotte's shoulder with a throw then forces Becky to tap to the cross arm breaker in less than a minute in this squash.

Everyone Has A Price!

Masters Of The Promo (Sid and Ultimate Warrior) vs. Ted DiBiase and Roman Reigns- DiBiase buys off Roman Reigns who turns on UW. Warrior finds a great equalizer in Sid to even things up.

Opportunity Knocks

Edge vs. Seth Rollins- Two guys who take advantage of every break given to them square off. Edge gets the win with a spear after a highly competitive match.

2 out of 3 falls match

Daniel Bryan vs. Chris Benoit- I could make a really bad joke here but I'll lay off, D-Bryan wins in two straight falls because of obvious reasons.

A Wonderful Game

Paul Orndorff vs. Triple H- Two generations of heels meet up but the truly Wonderful heel can be the only winner here.

Colossal Jostle Fatal Four Way

Bam Bam Bigelow vs. Yokozuna vs. Big Show vs. King Kong Bundy- Bammer needs to be booked well so he gets the win on the big stage for once.

A War Of Words

Roddy Piper vs. Chris Jericho- Two of the best on the stick settle it with fists. Piper gets the duke through nefarious ways.

USA USA!

Kurt Angle vs. Sgt. Slaughter- Angle has been trying to get Slaughter's country back for many months but he has to do it the hard way. In the loss Slaughter denounces his allegiance to North Korea and is welcomed back with open arms once again.

Three Stages Of Hell (No DQ, Falls Count Anywhere, Hell In A Cell)

Brock Lesnar vs. Mick Foley- Do we really want to see this? Like all car accident aftermaths yes we do. Brock gets the first and third falls for the win.

Where It All Begins Again (AKA Groundhog Day)

John Cena vs. Randy Orton- Because we all want to see a definitive winner, amiright?

Battle Of The Showstoppers

Shawn Michaels vs. AJ Styles- Two spectacular in ring performers try to settle up who the best is, Shawn gets in a quick sweet chin music at the 20 minute mark for the win.

Sports & Entertainment II

The Rock and Batista vs. LT&T (Lawrence Taylor and Mr. T)- A mash-up of pop culture icons collide in a spectacle for the ages.

A Savage M-Fer 

Steve Austin vs. Randy Savage- Two of the most intense men in the history of WWE stare each other down in an epic contest. "I think I want to take the Stunner tonight", indeed.

A Phenom vs. A Wonder

Undertaker vs. Andre The Giant- Two of the biggest attractions in WWE history square off with the Undertaker's mythical legacy at the show of shows winning out.


My Shot, My Time! WWF Championship Match

Bret Hart vs. Hulk Hogan(c)- Bret finally gets his big chance at champion Hulk Hogan after all these years and comes through with a victory roll for the win.

Jul 19, 2021 20:38:26 GMT 🤯 said:

Putting the finishing touches on a far less kooky King of the Ring. Should be posted tonight!

Sorry for the delay!

🤯 presents a two-night event...

ULTIMATE KING OF THE RING

NIGHT #1

Ultimate King of the Ring Preliminary Round Match: Sid [1995] vs. Bam Bam Bigelow [1993] vs. Tatanka [1995]; Ted DiBiase is in a neutral corner
The tournament brackets were totally reshuffled after DiBiase tried to preemptively bribe the preliminary round opponents of the Million Dollar Corporation into forfeiting their matches. As punishment for DiBiase's treachery, the Million Dollar Corporation was forced into a triple threat prelim against each other. DiBiase will be a neutral corner, as he doesn't care which member of his Million Dollar Corporation advances... as long as they advance all the way to the crown!

I'm thinking the finish looks like this: Bigelow lands a moonsault on Tatanka, but then Sid peels Bigelow off of Tatanka's flattened carcass before the three-count. Sid then powerbombs Bigelow back onto Tatanka, further flattening the Native American Turncoat. Then Sid pins both Bigelow and Tatanka at the same time with a foot on Bigelow's chest.

Ultimate King of the Ring Preliminary Round Match: The Undertaker [1997] vs. Kane [1998]; Paul Bearer is in a neutral corner
Storyline hook is copy-pasted from WMXIV. So is the match. The only difference in the storyline here is Bearer isn't backing either Brother of Destruction per se. He just wants his "sons" to sort their differences out in the ring in this match, and then he promises to support the winner through the rest of the tournament.

No pun intended here, but the match takes a hellacious toll on Taker.

Ultimate King of the Ring Preliminary Round Match: Roddy Piper [1994] vs. Jerry Lawler [1994]
Lawler is hellbent to prove he is the one and only true king in professional wrestling. Knowing he's up against an equally dirty player, Lawler pulls out every strop and bends every rule to the breaking point. In the end, Lawler knocks Piper out cold with a pair of brass knuckles hidden in his trunks. Lawler scores the academic pinfall on the unconscious Piper. Then, after the match, to send a message to the rest of the crown-seekers, Lawler piledrives Piper onto the steel ring steps.

Ultimate King of the Ring Preliminary Round Match: Chris Benoit [2001] vs. Chris Jericho [2001]
The vanilla midgets wrestle to a time-limit draw and are consequently both eliminated from the tournament. As a result, the winner of the Piper/Lawler match will get a bye in the quarterfinals and advance directly to the semifinals.

Ultimate King of the Ring Preliminary Round Match: The Rock [2000 or 2002] vs. Faarooq [1997] (w/ Crush, Savio Vega, D'Lo Brown & Clarence Mason)
Rock [2000] mops the mat with the one true ruler of the Nation of Domination, Faarooq [1997]. Along the way, the People's Champion dispatches each of Faarooq's interfering cornermen in humiliatingly easy fashion.

If we want each match to have a storyline hook, we'll say this prelim was booked by specific request after Faarooq graciously extends an invite for Rock to join him the Nation... only for Rock to reject the offer.

Ultimate King of the Ring Preliminary Round Match: Shawn Michaels [1996] (w/ José Lothario) vs. Diesel [1995]
Storyline hook is copy-pasted from IYH: Good Friends, Better Enemies. Match is copy-pasted too. Shawn advances.

Ultimate King of the Ring Preliminary Round Match: Steve Austin [2001] vs. Triple H [2000] (w/ Stephanie McMahon-Helmsley)
Storyline hook here is the 1996 King of the Ring winner vs. the 1997 King of the Ring winner. HHH has a chip on his shoulder, as the '96 crown should've been his as well. We get our Two-Man Power Trip implosion here, with both men at their in-ring peaks.

Taking note of Lawler's message after the previous match, HHH sneaks a sledgehammer shot in on Austin while Steph distracts the referee to steal the win and advance. In a post-match promo, HHH declares himself the King of Kings after defeating a fellow King of the Ring.

Ultimate King of the Ring Preliminary Round Match: Bret Hart [1993] vs. Davey Boy Smith [1996] (w/ Diana Smith & Jim Cornette)

Bulldog has gone heel claiming no one really knows royalty like a Brit. Even Bret, who clearly fancies himself the crown prince of the Hart family kingdom. Bulldog reminds everyone though that he has a win, in front of the Queen no less, over Bret for the Intercontinental title. And he even got his own Princess Diana when he married Bret's sis!

Everything else can be a copy-paste of their IRL encounter from IYH December '95.

***** ***** ***** ***** *****

NIGHT #2

Ultimate King of the Ring Quarterfinal Match: The Undertaker [1997] (w/ Paul Bearer) vs. Sid [1995] (w/ Ted DiBiase)
Jerry Lawler, who advances to the semifinals automatically thanks to a bye, will face the winner of this one... so Lawler joins the broadcast team to provide some special guest commentary and scout his next opponent. The match is a condensed version of Taker/Sid from WM13 (which was not as bad as folks like to make out). Like Sid at WM13, Lawler shits his pants when he realizes he now has a date with the Deadman.

Ultimate King of the Ring Quarterfinal Match: The Rock [2000] vs. Shawn Michaels [1996] (w/ José Lothario)
Dream match ruined by a run-in. WCW's resident Rock cosplayer Booker T runs in (since he ran in during the 2001 KOTR main event) late in the match while Shawn and the referee are both down and drops Rock with a Rock Bott-errr... Book End. Booker skedaddles as HBK kips up, sees Rock is down, shrugs off his confusion, and pins the People's Champion with a diving elbow drop.

Ultimate King of the Ring Quarterfinal Match: Triple H [2000] (w/ Stephanie McMahon-Helmsley) vs. Bret Hart [1993]
The Montreal Screw Job Revenge Tour kicks off with Bret submitting the King of Kings HHH with a Sharpshooter. Bret finds he has an unlikely ally in Stone Cold Steve Austin, who comes out during the match for a taste of his own revenge... stopping Steph's interference with a Stone Cold Stunner!!!~

Austin remains at ringside to watch HHH squirm in the Sharpshooter. HHH pulls himself toward the ropes looking for a break, but Austin pulls the ropes back so that they're just out of reach. Austin flips HHH a double bird from the floor as Bret drags HHH back to the center of the ring, and flashes a satisfied smirk when HHH taps out.

World Tag Team Title Match: Chris Benoit [2001] & Chris Jericho [2001] (c) vs. The Million Dollar Corporation (Tatanka [1995] & Bam Bam Bigelow [1995]) (w/ Ted DiBiase)
After wrestling to a time-limit draw against each other on Night One, World Tag Team Champions Benoit & Jericho defend their titles against the Million Dollar Corporation on Night Two in a filler bout.

Tatanka & Bigelow aren't back on the same page yet after Night One, and they are plagued here by miscues and miscommunications. I'm thinking the finish sees something like Tatanka going for a top rope Tomahawk Chop but accidentally hitting Bigelow, then getting shit-canned to the floor. Then Benoit & Jericho apply the Crossface and Walls at the same time on Bigelow to force a somewhat controversial submission to retain.

Ultimate King of the Ring Semifinal Match: The Undertaker [1997] (w/ Paul Bearer) vs. Jerry Lawler [1994]
Lawler stalls like a Memphis master until his "Red Death Knight" (Kane) comes down to ringside and tombstones Taker on the floor to hand a count-out victory to Lawler. Taker sits up just after the ten-count and stalks after a high-tailing Lawler.

Ultimate King of the Ring Semifinal Match: Bret Hart [1993] vs. Shawn Michaels [1996] (w/ José Lothario)
The Montreal Screw Job Revenge Tour continues with Bret getting his WM12 win back with a Sharpshooter submission victory over Shawn.

Hell in a Cell Match: Vince McMahon [1999] (w/ Stephanie McMahon) vs. Shane McMahon [1999]
Let's pretend this is a continuation of the Vince/Shane feud in early 2001. Vince wants revenge after feeling screwed (in a bad way) by Trish, Linda, and Foley at WrestleMan X-Seve. So we set a rematch inside the confines of the Hell in a Cell structure to prevent outside interference.

The match is an homage to Shane's insanity in the 2001 street fight against Kurt and the 1998 Hell in a Cell match. I'm thinking the finish sees Vince getting his win back after shit-canning his own son off the top of the Cell in a nod to Foley's first bump in 1998.

Ultimate King of the Ring Final Match: Bret Hart [1993] vs. Jerry Lawler[1994]
Bret submits Lawler with the Sharpshooter... but keeps the hold applied awfully long after Lawler taps out. We run the SummerSlam '93 deal with Bret ostensibly seeming like the victor, but then the decision is reversed and the win is awarded to Lawler. Lawler, crippled so badly by the Sharpshooter that he must be stretchered out, just barely raises his arm in celebration after hearing the reversed decision announcement.

An alternative spin on an Ultimate King of the Ring, using only tournament winners (regardless of whether the tournament was featured on PPV or not)...

🤯 presents...

ULTIMATE KING OF THE RING

Dark Match: Billy Gunn vs. Baron Corbin
Dark match to determine the worst of the worst King of the Ring winners. At least Mabel had the size to justify the experiment with him. Billy and Baron though? What the fuck did either have going for them? Nothing. Finish sees the super athletic Billy somehow flip out of the End of Days or whatever Baron's finisher is, and hit a flash Fame-Asser for the pinfall victory.

Ultimate King of the Ring Quarterfinal Match: Kurt Angle vs. Edge
Pick the best Kurt/Edge match from real life, and copy/paste it here.

Ultimate King of the Ring Quarterfinal Match: Bret Hart vs. Owen Hart
Bret gets his WMX win back in a match that's almost as good as the original.

Ultimate King of the Ring Quarterfinal Match: Brock Lesnar vs. Ken Shamrock
Dream match city, bitch! Let's go with a UFC-like finish... Shamrock catches Brock in a triangle choke or something like that. Instead of fading, Brock powerbombs Shamrock repeatedly until the World's Most Dangerous Man is knocked out cold.

Ultimate King of the Ring Quarterfinal Match: Steve Austin vs. Hunter Hearst Helmsley
Since I gave HHH the win in this same matchup on my other card, reversing things here. Austin eats HHH's lunch and puts him away with a stunner.

World Tag Team Title Match: The Bad News Brits (William Regal & Bad News Barrett) (c) vs. The Kings of the Ring (King Booker & King Mabel)
Despite their super surliness, the Bad News Brits are too comedic and charismatic to be true heels. Being Brits, they know true royalty... and the Kings of the Ring are offensive pretenders. The Brits agree to give the Kings a title shot on one condition: if the Brits retain, the Kings must forfeit their false crowns.

Thinking the finish sees Mabel pin Regal with a Big Package after Booker superkicks Barrett out of the ring.

Intercontinental Title Match: Tito Santana (c) vs. Don Muraco
1980s IC title rivalry throwback! Tito retains after connecting with a flying forearm smash.

Ultimate King of the Ring Semifinal Match: Kurt Angle vs. Bret Hart
Instant classic. In the end, Bret reverses an ankle lock into a modified victory roll to score the pin. Kurt throws a tantrum in the ring after the match, blaming Canada.

Ultimate King of the Ring Semifinal Match: Brock Lesnar vs. Steve Austin
Dream match city, bitch! Finish sees Lesnar kick out of a stunner... which ironically stuns Austin. Austin picks Lesnar up for a second stunner, but Lesnar pops an unsuspecting Austin up for an F5 to secure the pinfall and advance.

Million Dollar Title Match: Ted DiBiase (c) vs. Sheamus
Sheamus is feeling lucky in this one, thanks to his Lucky Charms and the Luck o' the Irish. The poor pale bastard has been feeling like a character straight outta Angela's Ashes lately, so he could use the million dollar prize that comes with winning the million dollar title. Meanwhile, DiBiase is looking for a new Virgil and thinks Sheamus would suffice in such a role... so that's what's at stake on the flipside if the Irishmen comes up short here.

Thinking the finish sees the powerful Sheamus get caught in the Million Dollar Dream yet somehow lift DiBiase up and shrug him around into the Irish Curse or whatever Sheamus('s?) finisher used to be.

World Title Cage Match: Harley Race (c) vs. Randy Savage
As the self-proclaimed King of Professional Wrestling and the World Champion, Harley doesn't need to take part in any tournament to prove himself. Meanwhile, Savage's popularity and momentum has been undeniable since he officially turned face. Given the royalty tie-in between gimmicks, let's say Savage won the first-ever Royal Rumble to earn a title shot at the King. Cage match stipulation is added purely so that we can see Savage win the title by hitting a diving elbow drop off the top.

Ultimate King of the Ring Final Match: Brock Lesnar vs. Bret Hart
Dream match city, bitch! Bret counters the F5 into a flash small package for an epic nearfall. An enraged Lesnar pops up and BLASTS!!!~ Bret with a knee to the temple. Bret is probably shoot concussed. But Lesnar doesn't care. Lesnar proceeds to ragdoll Bret around the ring with a dozen consecutive German suplexes, then F5s Bret to punctuate the onslaught. Academic pinfall, and our one true Ultimate King of the Ring is rightfully crowned as my boy Brock.

Booking a traditional card with the winners of the Royal Rumbles...

🤯 presents...

ULTIMATE ROYAL RUMBLE

European Title Triple Threat Match: Alberto Del Rio (c) Sheamus vs. Drew McIntyre
Sheamus and Drew are like "WTF, Alberto isn't even European!" and so they are both gunning for Del Rio's European belt. However, they interfere in each other's individual efforts to capture the gold, so we end up with a triple threat here to settle things. I'm thinking the finish sees Del Rio eat a stereo Brogue Kick/Claymore, sending him out of the ring, before Sheamus sneaks a roll-up on Drew to win the title without pinning the champion.

Mixed Tag Team Match: The Man & Her Husband (Becky Lynch & Seth Rollins) vs. Asuka & Shinsuke Nakamura
Asuka pins Seth because Seth is a bitch and Asuka is bad ass.

$15,000 Body Slam Challenge: Jim Duggan vs. Big John Studd
Duggan slams Studd. Studd retaliates by beating Duggan down with Duggan's trademark 2x4 after the match.

Women's Title Match: Charlotte Flair (c) vs. Bianca Belair
Bianca dethrones the queen. @whocares how.

I Quit Match: Brock Lesnar vs. Chris Benoit
The rematch I always wanted but never got, with a stipulation to pay homage to the 1999 Royal Rumble's Rock/Mankind match. Lesnar has already "submitted" Benoit with the Stretch Muffler Brock Lock. So his aim here is to do something different just because. He's thinking he'll either catch Benoit in the kimura lock, or maybe German suplex Benoit into submission. Benoit likes the latter idea, and suggests he might attempt to do the same to Lesnar.

Finish sees Benoit reverse an F5 into a Crippler Crossface to force Lesnar to quit. With a win apiece, we're in theory guaranteed a rubber match. No complaints here!

Last Man Standing Match: Roman Reigns vs. Yokozuna
The Anointed Anoa'i implode in a last man standing match. SURPRISE!!!~ Yoko wins after crushing Roman with five Banzai Drops in a row. The LMS stip pays homage to the 2007 Royal Rumble's Cena/Umaga match... I think? I guess it also honor's Umaga's memory. Man, I miss Umaga.

Casket Match: The Undertaker vs. Braun Strowman
Braun qualifies here on his questionable Greatest Royal Rumble win. We pay homage to the 1994 Royal Rumble's casket match with a casket match here, pitting Taker against a capable monster foe. Fuck it, let's even steal the same finish... Braun pulls off the upset, and sends Taker to heaven after the match.

Number One Contenders Match: Bret Hart vs. Lex Luger
The only co-Royal Rumble winners in history square off to determine who should've actually gotten the title shot. Bret pulls Lex's best WWF match out of him, with Lex leaning heel in this one. After the match, sore loser Lex goes full heel by suckerpunching Bret with a steel plated forearm.

Street Fight for Control of the Company: Steve Austin vs. Vince McMahon
Let's say Vince claims Austin didn't beat him in the cage at St. Valentine's Day Massacre because of the debuting Big Show's interference. In fact, Vince heels it up and claims he clearly had Austin beat. Yadda yadda yadda... we get this rematch for control of the company (WWF?), which I imagine is something a lot like the Hogan/McMahon street fight from WMXIX.

Fatal 4-Way Elimination Match for the World Tag Team Championship: The Movie Stars (The Rock & John Cena) (c) vs. Rated RKO (Edge & Randy Orton) vs. Batista & Rey Mysterio vs. Degeneration-X (Triple H & Shawn Michaels)
A bizarre use of some pretty big names in a clusterfuck fatal-fourway for the tag titles as an homage to my weird-as-hell Ultimate SummerSlam card. Three real teams and a dream team. Actually, I think even Rock & Cena have teamed together IRL... right? No idea how this match is actually booked. @whocares who wins or who eliminates whom. What a clusterfuck!

I guess the underpinning storyline here is Evolution imploded after Flair chose to chase the world title. Orton, Batista, and HHH all found new/old partners, and are all gunning to take the tag titles off those part-time Hollywood assholes, Rock & Cena. I'm thinking Rock & Cena retain because they're TOO FAST, TOO FURIOUS!!!~

No Holds Barred World Heavyweight Title vs. Career Match: Hulk Hogan (c) vs. Ric Flair
Flair, representing himself as the Real World's Heavyweight Champion, vows he will knock off Hogan or otherwise hang up his boots for good. Hogan doesn't want there to be any excuses after all is said and done and the dust settles, so he proposes the No Holds Barred stipulation (also as a way to plug his movie).

Flair readily accepts the stipulation, decreeing Hogan has just signed his own death warrant since now nothing will be off limits or out of bounds for the Dirtiest Player in the Game. Hogan reminds his Hulkamaniacs that the Hulkster can play pretty dirty too when need be, and then he reminds Flair "to be the man, ya gotta beat the man... BROTHER!!!~" Hogan parroting Flair's lines back to Flair only enrages the Nature Boy further, who promises to not only take the title but also kill Hulkamania once and for all!

Thinking the finish sees a frustrated Flair wailing on Hogan with a steel chair a la Austin on Rock at WrestleMan X-Seve... only for Hogan to start hulking up, big-boot the chair into Flair's face, and then connect with a leg drop en route to the pinfall victory. Show ends, as it must, with Hogan posing.

I went off the deep end once again. My Starrcade card has the Battlebowl participants from 1991 and 1992 included as well. Plus it has the dual main events of 1985 and 1986 taken into consideration.

Ultimate Starrcade

Where It All Begins In The Dark: Dark Match
Young Lions ("The Natural" Dustin Rhodes and Marcus Alexander Bagwell) vs. The Bodyguards (Mr. Hughes and Vinnie Vegas)- Yeah, I booked myself into a corner as these were the guys left, I tried....

Hodge-Podge Hoe-Down Elimination Match

Bill Kazmaier, Tommy Rich, Todd Champion, Firebreaker Chip, Van Hammer vs. Jimmy Garvin, Dan Spivey, Ivan Koloff, Abdullah The Butcher, Butcher- Gotta fit these guys on the card somewhere...

Strong Style Showdown

Great Muta vs. Jushin Liger- A little more traditional than what we saw in 1996 with Kishin Liger emerging. These two legends end up shaking hands both before and after the match in a show of respect.

Breaking The Ties That Bind Me

Ron Simmons vs. Harley Race- Pushing the boundaries further than what was alluded to back in 1991 Harley Race really belittles Ron Simmons through some very controversial promos expanding on Simmons being a better servant or limo driver than wrestler. Just dial to a generation back on the whole Triple H/Booker T dynamic with the right result this time.

Irresistible Force vs. Irresistible Force

Goldberg vs. Nikita Koloff- The two doppelgangers meet up to see who really is the superpower in WCW!

I Like My Tag Teams Southern Fried (Tag Team Title Match)

Minnesota Wreck Crew II (c) (Arn and Ole Anderson) vs. The Rock N' Roll Express- Traditional tag team match that gets the crowd on it's feet, nothing fancy here.

Freaks and Peaks

Lex Luger (1988) vs. Scott Steiner (2000)- This one writes itself. Now former friends, Scott gets jealous of Lex's popularity even though he has the better body. What starts off as a posedown becomes a proper match.

Last Man Standing Match

Steve Williams vs. Ron Garvin- Just a classic slugfest but the Oklahoma Stampede is too much for Rugged Ronnie.


The Claw vs. The Dragon- US Title 30 Minute Iron Man Match

Barry Windham(c)(1988) vs. Ricky Steamboat (1989)- In a classic for the ages The Dragon gets the 4 falls to 3 win with his patented flying cross-body at 29:55.


Masters Of The Powerbomb Explode! Must win by Powerbomb

Vader vs. Sid- Pretty much the match we missed out on in 1993, Vader proves he's the man by beating the ruler of the world.


Triple Threat For The Number 1 Contendership for the WCW Title

Randy Savage vs. Rick Rude vs. Roddy Piper- 3 old rivals from another organization battle it out to see who the new #1 contender is.

A Flair For The Old?

Ric Flair (1985) vs. "Stunning" Steve Austin (1993)- Pretty much a singles version of the feud we got between the Blonds and The Horsemen in 1993, but with a more in his prime Ric Flair.

Hollywood on Hard Times

Dusty Rhodes (1985) vs. "Hollywood" Hulk Hogan (1997)- Dusty had enough of seeing another now ex- American hero go astray and get caught up in his ego. Hogan has no time for that fat and out of shape son of a plumber. Big Dust will try and set things right.

Steel Cage Match- WCW World Heavyweight Championship

Sting(c) (1990) vs. The Black Scorpion (199?)- Sting is befuddled as the Scorpion gets the better of Sting at every turn. Eventually Sting gets frustrated and starts to use the cage to bust Scorp open. Sting eventually gets the Scorpion Deathlok on but hooking the heel, Scorp reverses it and gets the unlikely submission out of Sting! After raising the belt over his head and kissing it the mask is taken off and it's revealed to be Bret Hart!

^Excellent job. Might be my favorite one yet because of the fun taglines and that sweet swerve in the main event.

Jul 23, 2021 0:57:54 GMT Baker said:

^Excellent job. Might be my favorite one yet because of the fun taglines and that sweet swerve in the main event.

Thanks, and I wanted an excuse to be different from yours so I went with the Battlebowl guys.

I might try to do a Reverse and book a Mania with only guys who wrestled the opener. Specifically the first match that's actually part of Mania, not a dark match or a preshow match or on Heat or whatever.

Okay, new plan! 

Multimillion Money in the Bank 

Finn Balor vs. Ricochet (c) vs. Rey Mysterio - For the Cruiserweight Championship 
Rey and Ricochet wanted to have a babyface respect match to see who was the best Cruiserweight in all of wrestling. It was a very good match on Raw before Balor came in and kicked Ricochet right in the dick and Mysterio in the head. Finn said he was better than either of them. He'd wrestled in the Tokyo Dome, he'd won Best of the Super Juniors twice. They simply weren't on his level and he was going to prove it. They go all-out for a hot opener with crazy spots. Rey wins when he pins the guy who hangs out with a registered sex offender, Balor is mad because he didn't get pinned, setting up a rematch down the line. 

Dana Brooke and Carmella vs. Lacey Evans and Nia Jax 
Lacey Evans bullies Carmella about her middle class upbringing and her voice and how she hasn't won anything that's mattered since 2017. Whenever Carmella tried to retaliate, Lacey's heavy Nia Jax was there for her to hide behind. Perpetual babyface Dana Brooke finally has enough and comes to Carmella's aid. The two new best friends beat the Mean Girls. 

Asuka (c) vs. Shayna Baszler - For the WWE Women's Championship 
Babyface monster Asuka has been delighting crowds by kicking everyone's asses and being charismatic and funny. Shayna isn't having that. She's not here to make you laugh, she's not here to make you smile. She's here to crack bones and get gold. "Fact of the matter is, you've got the [WWE Women's] Title, and I want it." They have a rough-and-tumble grappling and striking match, Asuka fights from underneath, makes her comeback... and then Shayna chokes her out. 

Sheamus vs. Shinsuke Nakamura - Round 1 of the Brawl 4 All 
Yeah, you read that right. We're bringing it back. Since it's a shoot, I flipped a coin to decide how each of these go. Sheamus wins off a flash knockout with a kick to the head. 

Samoa Joe vs. Rusev - Round 1 of the Brawl 4 All 
Joe chokes Rusev out. 

Baron Corbin vs. Otis  - Round 1 of the Brawl 4 All 
Otis wins on points with takedowns. 

Aleister Black vs. Cesaro - Round 1 of the Brawl 4 All 
Cesaro knocks Black out with a shoot gutwrench powerbomb. 

Ali vs. Kevin Owens vs. Sami Zayn vs. Rob Van Dam vs. The Miz vs. Andrade vs. Drew McIntyre vs. Seth Rollins - Money in the Bank Ladder Match 
No real story to the match outside of the usual. Seth is fighting for The Shield, Sami and Kevin hate each other, nobody gets higher, etc. It's even more of a car crash than the triple threat, everybody doing crazy spots and beating the hell out of each other. Ali gets the big babyface win. 

The Shield (Dean Ambrose and Roman Reigns) vs. Chris Jericho and Christian 
THE BOYS ARE BACK IN TOOOOOWN. The Shield rides again and they've decided to bully Chris Jericho. They cost him a Money in the Bank qualifier against Seth and then Dean and Roman vowed to make his life hell after Chris promised revenge on Seth. "Shoulda kept your little plans to yourself, you stupid old bastard!" Christian's come to help Jericho out and the two Canadian legends decide to work together to take on The Shield. Christian hits the Killswitch to win because Dean and Roman keep butting heads when one tries to order the other around. You can't go home again. 

AJ Styles vs. Daniel Bryan vs. CM Punk - For the WWE Intercontinental Championship 
Punk and Bryan have a match for the IC title that goes to a double-pin, forcing the title to be vacated. Bryan and Punk talk about a rematch, talk about wanting to prove they were the best in the world. Someone has a problem with that. "Oh, will you two shut the hell up?!" AJ did not like getting left out of the conversation about being the best. "Oh, what, do I not count because I didn't win the ROH World title? Who cares?! I was too busy winning every other title! I won the IWGP title! I won the NWA World Heavyweight title, the same belt held by Harley Race, Ric Flair, Ricky Steamboat, when I was twenty-six! Have either of you beaten Sting? Have either of you beaten Kurt Angle? How about Okada or Tanahashi? Hey, Punk! I know for a damn fact you never beat Samoa Joe! Guess who did?! Me! I am the best in the world! I'm the best who ever lived!" Bryan and Punk demand AJ be added to the match so they can both kick his ass. Similar to the Cruiserweight title match, Bryan gets the tap-out on Punk to reclaim his title, AJ can argue that he never lost the match, they'll have a rematch down the line. 

Edge vs. Bobby Roode 
Bobby Roode comes in and talks about his admiration of Edge, says they should team up, talking about being from Canada, how they have a lot in common, being family men. Edge is skeptical, but Bobby has his back in a few matches and proves himself trustworthy. And then Roode drops him with a Northern Lariat. Bobby's pissed as hell because they're only two years apart, but Edge is the legend. Edge is the one known the world over. Edge is the guy every wrestler now growing up in Canada wants to be like, and Bobby Roode is just "some guy." He should be The Man. He should be a legend. He's as good as Edge, hell he's better. It should have all been his. Edge basically tells him "Shouldn't have gone to TNA, bro." "I'm not going to apologize for my success. I'm not going to apologize for seeing an opportunity and grabbing it BY THE THROAT. At the end of the day, Bobby, I'm a legend because I had what it takes. And you don't. You never did." Edge goes for a spear, Roode sidesteps and kills him with the Northern Lariat for the win. 

Kane and Big Show (c) vs. Bray Wyatt and Braun Strowman - For the WWE Tag Team Championship 
Bray Wyatt targets Kane with spooky bullshit promos, Kane and Big Show tell him to step up and fight them if he can find a partner. Bray magics up Braun Strowman and we have a four-man hoss fight for the tag titles. Bray wins when Kane turns on Show and him and Strowman give Show a double-chokeslam, then Bray drags up Show's broken body for the Sister Abigail. 

John Cena vs. Randy Orton vs. Brock Lesnar (c) (w/ Paul Heyman) - Three Way Dance For the WWE Championship 
Cena and Orton have a #1 contender's match and it goes to a no-contest when Orton goes for his Daddy's superplex and Cena counters it into a superplex of his own and they spill onto the outside and they can't answer the ten-count. Heyman starts to say "Looks like we don't have a title match" but Brock grabs the mic and says "Fuck that, I'll kill them both." There's a lot of talk about OVW, about how Cena and Orton were meant to be the guys who took over and would never have been Main Eventers if Brock hadn't left (Heyman's words), Orton talking shit, Cena talking shit. Orton slithers to the outside during this match whenever he's in trouble, brings in a chair, fights dirty while Cena and Brock just go hell for leather. Brock hits the F5 and covers Cena but then Orton runs in and punts Brock right in the head to break up the pin. He pins Cena, then he pins Brock. Brock gets up and kills Orton with an F5 but Heyman manages to convince him not to murder anyone else. Brock stomps off, Cena is out, and Randy eventually crawls up to his feet and raises the title, celebrating his ill-gotten gains. 

SPOILER: Click to show

SPOILER: Click to show

{But WAIT! }
Ali vs. Randy Orton (c) - For the WWE Championship



Despite the damage he took earlier in the night, Ali shoots his shot. Even though Orton took the least damage of the three men in the match, Ali comes in with babyface fire and overwhelms him and wins with the 054. Ali becomes the first-ever Pakistani-American WWE Champion.

Tried to add an extra challenge by avoiding any match-ups that were actually booked for IYH IRL. Anyway...

🤯 presents...
In Your House: Ultimate Ultimatum

WWF Intercontinental Title Tournament Semifinal: Ahmed Johnson vs. Savio Vega

I feel like we got several IC title tournaments in real life from 1996 through 1999, so booking the conclusion of yet another one on this card feels like an appropriate homage. The show kicks off with the semifinals, and specifically with Savio performing as Ahmed's capable ragdoll.

If we want to give this a storyline hook, I'm sensing two options. The more boring route is make this face vs. face, with Savio representing the intercontinental title lineage of one of the GOATs (i.e., his BFF Razor Ramon). The better option IMO is build this as Ahmed has torn through the rest of the Nation of Domination, Disciples of Apocalypse, and Savio's minions in Los Boriquas. Now Savio is all that remains, and Ahmed intends to mop the canvas with el ultimo cabron.

WWF Intercontinental Title Tournament Semifinal: Ken Shamrock vs. Goldust

The other semifinal match pits the intense and unstable Shamrock against the equally (albeit entirely differently) intense and unstable Goldust. Goldust, with an affinity for BDSM, has zero qualms about tangling with the World's Most Dangerous Man. In fact, before Goldust became obsessed with Hollywood and the big screen, he did dabble in the straight-to-VCR adult video scene. Even if he comes up short, Goldust knows there can often be pleasure in pain.

The mind games don't seem to faze Shamrock, who vows to play a one-on-one game of Smear the Queer when he steps into the ring with "that f*****" Goldust. Boy, the late 90s don't age well!

Diesel vs. Yokozuna

I almost made this the main event for the world title, but then better judgment finally prevailed. The hook of this match is two former dominant world champions collide here for the first time ever (as far as I'm aware?) with number one contender implications. It's sort of an irresistible force meets an immovable object situation, with one question on everyone's mind: can Big Daddy Cool jackknife Yoko?

/////

WWF Intercontinental Title Tournament Final: Ahmed Johnson/Savio Vega vs. Ken Shamrock/Goldust

You can rest assured poor Savio isn't making it to the finals. But it's a toss-up between Shamrock and Goldust. Ahmed/Shamrock feels like the fresher (and for sure the more intense) match, so that's likely where we'll end up. In fact, spoiler alert... let's just go ahead and commit to that.

Let's say the finish sees Goldust, playing the jealous spurned lover, come down to ringside and cost Shamrock the match.

/////

WWF World Tag Team Title Triple Threat Match: The Legion of Doom (Hawk & Animal) (c) vs. The Brothers of Destruction (The Undertaker & Kane) vs. The Masters of the Powerbomb (Sid & Vader)

LOD will face their toughest, tallest challenge ever when they take on two of the biggest, baddest bad ass tag teams to ever lumber onto the scene.

Half-brother chokeslam artists Undertaker & Kane have been on an unstoppable tear through the WWF's tag team division, living up to their billing as the Brothers of Destruction as they've been literally lighting the competition on fire since their unholy reunion.

Meanwhile, Sid & Vader have been reminding everyone why they are dubbed the Masters of the Powerbomb by powerbombing everyone in their path of wanton destruction. In fact, the Masters have taken issue with the Brothers of Destruction being considered for a tag title shot ahead of them, as they're merely the brothers of destruction whereas Sid & Vader as the MASTERS of destruction thanks to their mastery of the powerbomb.

ANYWAY...

When asked for their thoughts about facing two teams at the same time with the champions' advantage mitigated through the triple threat stipulations, LOD simply responded they dine on death and destruction. Whaaaaaaaaat... aaaaaa... RUUUUUUUUUSHHHHH!!!~

/////

Hardcore Legends Retirement Deathmatch: Mick Foley vs. Terry Funk

The Hardcore Legends are set to clash yet again, for a final time in a last hardcore hoorah with retirement at stake... assuming they live through this match.

Honestly, I have no idea who'd be better suited as face/heel here. Part of me really wanted to book the Three Faces of Foley, either in separate matches or all in the same one somehow (like in a gauntlet match)... but I couldn't figure out a way to swing it.

/////

4-on-4 War to Settle the Score Survivor Series Elimination Match: D-Generation X (Shawn Michaels, Triple H & The New Age Outlaws (Road Dogg & Billy Gunn)) vs. The Hart Foundation (Bret Hart, Owen Hart, Davey Boy Smith & Jim Neidhart)

In the spirit of the multi-man tags from Canadian Stampede and No Way Out of Texas, we're giving the Hart family a shot at revenge against those DX assholes. Finish has to come down to Bret submitting Shawn with the Sharpshooter... right?

/////

WWF World Title Match with special guest referee Mr. McMahon: Stone Cold Steve Austin (c) vs. Brian Pillman

The Hollywood Blondes implode! Vince needs a ringer to help get the world title belt off of the Texas Rattlesnake, so he has called in a snake handler who knows Stone Cold better than perhaps anyone... Steve Austin's old Hollywood Blondes tag team partner, "Loose Cannon" Brian Pillman.

In case I'm not allowed to cheat by giving myself a Pillman who can still work at a high level, we're adding Vince as the special guest referee to ensure enough sports entertainment gaga to mask Pillman's limitations. Perhaps the finish sees us copy/paste steal the finish from the Dude Love match where Austin uses Vince's limp lifeless hand to make his own three-count.

That triple threat tag and elimination match... take my money PLEASE!!!

Someone book the ultimate WrestleMania using only mid-carders.

Aug 4, 2021 3:27:37 GMT NATH45 said:

Someone book the ultimate WrestleMania using only mid-carders.

Isn't that what WWE has been doing ever since Hogan first left? -_-