"You can't see me." - John Cena

My wife and I have been living together for a month. As we walk the streets and enjoy each other's company, I noticed that we use our eyes in different ways.

My vision when out and about is best described as oblivious. I watch where I'm going, and I look at things, but I don't see much. The most startling example was when I was with a friend a few months ago. She mentioned this huge store in the middle of the city I live in, and I couldn't tell her where it was, despite it being directly next to an equally huge store I've visited a few times. That made me realise that I have tunnel vision. I know where I'm going, I know what I want, I am laser focused on those things and barely notice anything else. Two things I consciously or semi-consciously pay attention to are people's faces and restaurants. I'm always making mental notes of places to eat. Besides that, oblivious.

On the other hand, my wife, and I assume most people, take in more of their surroundings. She's often commenting about the clothes people wear, the buildings, the cars, everything. Certainly part of this is being in a brand new place for the first time - I would be more observant on vacation - but mainly she's wired herself to absorb her environment more, while I'm somehow isolating my senses, focused on the goal and little else.

It's the reason a grocery shop that takes me 30 minutes would take her 2 hours. I optimise, she explores. It strikes a nice balance.

So, PW, what do you see?

I see that you two just moved in together? Is that right? That's really interesting and kinda brave imo. I lived with my wife for almost two years before we got married and even then I was like "is that long enough?"

Anyway, I'm similar to you. I wouldn't say I am oblivious but if I have a task I focus on that and don't really care what else is going on. I feel like this is rather common in men, at least it must be since it's an old joke about how long women take to do things like shopping and the like.

I have to mentally prepare myself if I know I am going to Costco with my wife. List be damned, there is no such thing as "get what we came for" and I just have to accept that. There will be exploring and probably items that we didn't know we needed and that's fine. I just have to know that it isn't going to be like going alone where I walk in, get what is on the list, and get out as quickly as possible.

When I’m stationery I feel like I’m very observant of everything around me, more so noises. So many times there’s been a background noise tormenting me and people don’t even notice it. Walking, I’m just trying to get to my destination and notice much less

Grocery shopping causes me to have a nuclear meltdown though

Jun 15, 2024 20:06:43 GMT RT said:

I see that you two just moved in together? Is that right? That's really interesting and kinda brave imo. I lived with my wife for almost two years before we got married and even then I was like "is that long enough?"

Ours was a long-distance relationship...for five years we've been living in Mexico/England, communicating through text and video calls. We visited each other a few times and got married in Mexico last year. One month ago she flew across on her one way ticket and now we're living together. It's amazing!

Jun 15, 2024 20:16:26 GMT Emperor said:

Jun 15, 2024 20:06:43 GMT RT said:

I see that you two just moved in together? Is that right? That's really interesting and kinda brave imo. I lived with my wife for almost two years before we got married and even then I was like "is that long enough?"

Ours was a long-distance relationship...for five years we've been living in Mexico/England, communicating through text and video calls. We visited each other a few times and got married in Mexico last year. One month ago she flew across on her one way ticket and now we're living together. It's amazing!

Ah I seem to recall you telling part of that story. For some reason I assumed she had moved before you got married. I am probably misremembering. Either way, that's awesome!

Emperor, firstly congrats on moving forward with your life together, I wish you a lifetime of joy and blessings.

I'm like you with the oblivious thing, this is troubling to me because my wife will laugh when we are out for dinner because just after we have ordered I will have no idea who our waiter/waitress is.
I don't know if I am not seeing it, or seeing it and immediately deleting the information.

One thing that's very surprising is my whole life I have never had a "mind's eye" the ability to recall or make pictures in my mind, but that has started to change a bit with ADHD medication.
Except now my ability to be engrossed in thought has exploded, in the past month I have missed my turn because I was lost in thought and twice lost my car by forgetting where I parked.

I probably consume too much information. It's not an autistic twitch.. or maybe it is, or paranoia, maybe it's a deep seeded survival instinct. I'm very aware of my surroundings.

If I get out of my car in a busy street, trust me, if you're drinking a coffee across the road, I've seen you. I'm aware of what's happening around me. The same with behaviours. While, I've seen you enjoying a latte, I've also seen the guy 20ft away who believes your backpack would look better on his shoulder and has walked between the parked cars 3 or 4 times casually scanning for unlocked doors.

The minds eye, as iNCY touched on, is very much alive as well.

Jun 16, 2024 9:27:13 GMT iNCY said:

Emperor, firstly congrats on moving forward with your life together, I wish you a lifetime of joy and blessings.

Thank you very much, I appreciate it.

Jun 16, 2024 9:27:13 GMT iNCY said:

Except now my ability to be engrossed in thought has exploded, in the past month I have missed my turn because I was lost in thought and twice lost my car by forgetting where I parked.

That's fascinating, I can get engrossed in thought while I'm walking, which perhaps explains part of my obliviousness.

I am glad your wife is finally with you Emperor.

Not to turn this into a war of sexes but honestly I feel women are more observant overall than men. Of course that's a generalization, but it's one I believe has merit. It's why guys get in trouble for not noticing the wife's new hairdo or glasses. It might not be a big change to you, but to her it's monumental and she notices it on others and you. Also, I think women are more observant about our surroundings because we've had to be. It can be the same for others with a survival instinct like NATH45 mentioned. If you've grown up with your head on a swivel, you likely notice everything around you.