Stick with me for a minute on this.  


I was learning about this case where an ex-girlfriend was claiming that a guy was a being abusive.  In the actual court documents, she stated in the terms of him being abusive included but not limited to - threatening to commit suicide, repeatedly showing up unannounced etc.  

Now I know people have threatened suicide during a break-up.  Some have probably threatened to just be a dick.  But to be considerate to anyone's mental health how do you claim this?  People obviously have committed suicide during breakups.  Happens all the time.  To question the legitimacy or veracity of someone's suicide threat seems really shady.  Don't get me wrong, the guy may be a dick.  But then again, if he is the type of dick that is willing to threaten suicide to manipulate or control someone wouldn't he likely not be of the best mental health?  Where do you draw this line?  Ultimately, it seems at the time the person was not well in the head.  

I guess part of this stems from I was listening to how asking a transgender person to prove their existence is extremely dehumanizing and damaging and such.  I don't want to get into that on this thread.  But let's just accept that it sucks.  Questioning someone's suicide threat has to extremely suck for the person being questioned.  And I don't think that is provable by any means.  In a weird respect, I find it extremely dicky to call out someone's suicide threat like this in court.  I reckon it should not matter in the case and the more tangible evidence will matter.  But this was the first part of the abuse mentioned in the documents, so I imagine it was put there for a reason.  

I would question in some respects if calling someone's suicide threat abuse is, in turn, abusive and manipulative.  I mean this in the way that person boyfriend, in this case, has no room to defend himself and it ultimately paints her in one light, as a victim. 

This may be a bit of a ramble, but I wanted to discuss it.  See if it made sense to anyone else or if parts of it did make sense to anyone.

I guess with anything, it would differ case by case, and the degree of probability this person would actually commit suicide.

If the person making the threat is doing so, with a very obvious intent to control or to manipulate, you'd have to question the credibility of their threat. And even then, if you're on the receiving end of these threats and the relationship is terrible and being with this person is really only out of fear or threat of suicide - this isn't the person you should be with.

You could stay and be completely miserable in this relationship, or leave and potentially they commit suicide. Either way, this is an unfair and unjust situation someone who apparently loves you, could put you in. 

NATH45, I appreciate the response and the avatar. I guess I just find questioning someone's suicide threat dangerous. Even in post. Maybe I am just oddly sensitive to the idea that maybe we should treat them all as valid.

I think when a person starts telling someone “I’ll kill myself if you leave” or “I’m gonna kill myself if you don’t come back.” is where you cross the line into emotionally manipulating a person into staying. I think you can both say that person is being abusive and that their claim is serious and they need help. Healthy people don’t threaten to kill themselves if someone leaves their life, even if just a tactic. So I’d recommend that lady tell a family member he’s saying it and get a psych hold on him while she leaves.

So a serious threat of suicide directed at one person is abuse, even if the threat is legitimate.

Agreed with mike. When you weaponize threats of self harm to manipulate others, it’s crossed the line.