My mother's 65th is this coming weekend. I told her I wasn't doing much for it because I took her to Vancouver Island to her favorite place all expenses paid at the end of June as an early birthday present.  

A few of her friends got ahold of me and I told them I wasn't planning a party or dinner but if they wanted to, to go right ahead and that I wasn't going to go because she sees me every day and it isn't often she gets so many of her friends all at once place at one time. Of course I then had to get all her friends' numbers for her and pretty much plan it but I digress.

Two of her friends keep berating me for not coming.  First of all, I am under immense work stress at the moment.  Also, my daughter has to work that night so we are taking her out the night before.  Lastly, most of her friends don't like me and I'm not really fans of theirs.  Half of them don't call me by the right name despite knowing me for most of my life, one of them treats me like a loser in life compared to her kids (despite all her children being absolute nightmares), one dislikes overweight people and is consistently harranging me about my weight, and a couple of them are just bat shit crazy.  I realize this isn't about me, but if I am not having a good time my mom will be able to tell and she won't have a good time so I feel removing myself from the situation is best for everyone.

Am I wrong?

Sounds like you're being the mature one really. You're not under any obligation to hang out with her friends (especially if you don't get along with them) and you've already gone above and beyond organising things. If they were genuinely good friends they would have done all that themselves.

Not at all.

My mom is an absolute nightmare to deal with. My dad passed away six years ago, and she's been losing touch with reality ever since. My wife hates her (and the feeling is mutual). Last year I convinced my wife to let my mom come up for the holidays (I live a few states away). She sat on the couch for two days straight, barely said a word, and then cried upon leaving because it was such a "great experience." I told her a few weeks later we wouldn't be doing the same thing this year, and that we'd come in prior to Christmas instead.

You have to live your own life and can't cater to a grown woman's every wish. You are not responsible for her unrealistic emotions or expectations.

I wish there was some Staples button we could all hit to just turn off all the unnecessary drama, easy peasy.

I think your totally in the fine here, iron maiden.

You probably should go to it. Because even if you do something special before or after their birthday that day still holds special meaning to them. And if you don't go her friends will probably talk about you and end up pushing you and your mother farther apart.

I know enough from your posts that you have a great relationship with your mother.
This sort of showing up thing is just tokenism, which we do out of guilt when we know we haven't done enough.
Really it's just between you and your Mum and she would probably rather have a home cooked meal with a glass of wine than having you at a party where you don't even speak.

The older I get the less tolerant I grow of other people's ideas on what I should do... And I was coming off a low base.

As pretty much everyone has said, you've already gone above and beyond the call. You summed it up really, if you're not having a nice time there, your mother won't. Why put the both of yourselves through that just to appease some people that from the sounds of it, you don't see all that often.

Aug 31, 2018 4:23:40 GMT X-zero said:

You probably should go to it. Because even if you do something special before or after their birthday that day still holds special meaning to them. And if you don't go her friends will probably talk about you and end up pushing you and your mother farther apart.

Oh the kicker is I know my mom wouldn't care if I was there or not, but I can't say anything about it because it's a 'surprise'.   

I should mention that I am on only child and my mom and I live together and have an amazing relationship.  She knows very well my feelings on her friends and vice versa.

I told her friend last night that we would have to agree to disagree on the matter and that's that.  I just let them plant seeds of doubt.  That's my awesome anxiety at work.

I've got you beat. You're fine. Don't even worry about it

So speaking of shitty family issues, my youngest son turned one today. My wife’s parents and all three sisters called or texted happy birthday.

Not a word from my mom and sis. I’m livid right now.

Sept 7, 2018 23:10:13 GMT KJ said:

So speaking of shitty family issues, my youngest son turned one today. My wife’s parents and all three sisters called or texted happy birthday.

Not a word from my mom and sis. I’m livid right now.

That's fucked up. Coming from someone who had a lot of issues with my parents and accepting of my relationship/marriage, I feel your pain. Except when I would be livid, it would be because I was super upset and I was livid that I let it upset me.

However, ever since the kid was born, they've turned and they all get along. Happy belated birthday to your kid.

Thanks, kid.

They both acknowledged they forgot (for bullshit reasons) when I called them out.

What a fucking joke.

Sept 7, 2018 23:10:13 GMT KJ said:

So speaking of shitty family issues, my youngest son turned one today. My wife’s parents and all three sisters called or texted happy birthday.

Not a word from my mom and sis. I’m livid right now.

I’m sorry. That is terrible. I don’t know the kind of relationship you have with your mom and sister but a 1st birthday of your grand child and nephew is kind of a big deal. It’s not like it’s his 34th or something. You have every right to be upset.

I hope you had a fun day nonetheless.

Sept 8, 2018 18:38:12 GMT iron maiden said:

Sept 7, 2018 23:10:13 GMT KJ said:

So speaking of shitty family issues, my youngest son turned one today. My wife’s parents and all three sisters called or texted happy birthday.

Not a word from my mom and sis. I’m livid right now.

I’m sorry. That is terrible. I don’t know the kind of relationship you have with your mom and sister but a 1st birthday of your grand child and nephew is kind of a big deal. It’s not like it’s his 34th or something. You have every right to be upset.

I hope you had a fun day nonetheless.

Thanks, IM.

We had a great day. Took the boys to Legoland Florida this week (the older boy turned 3 last thursday), so we had plenty of fun. This was just a storm cloud over what was otherwise a great birthday.