ANIMAL WARFARE  

Round 1

sandylea vs KING KID





Sandylea Team:

Funnel Web Spider

Cane Toad

Inland Taipan



The Kid Team:

Horseshoe Bat

Murder Hornet

American Eagle



Match 1

(S) Funnel Web Spider VS (K) Horseshoe Bat



Sandylea:



While a bats prey might typically be a spider, the Horseshoe bat is no match for the most venomous spider in the world - the funnel web spider. A horseshoe bat are one of the tiniest bats around meaning the venom of the funnel web spider would travel through their tiny body very quick. Mixing the venom with their already disease riddled bodies, their short life span would end instantaneously. A funnel web spider can grow up to the size of 5cm, the measly horseshoe bat can reach 4.5cm. We all know at the end of the day, size matters. The funnel web spider will win this battle with one mighty bite!



The Kid:



Horseshow, Wuhan, same thing. What's the spider going to do when my bat comes flying at it? Absolutely nothing. It's going to get REKT. Think about it. There aint no web that's going to stop my bat.



Match 2

(S) Cane Toad VS (K) Murder Hornet



Sandylea:

Not much is known about the murder hornets, cause they are little pussies who hide from the world until everyone is already scared and weak. The cane toad isn’t about that life! One touch of his slimy and thick skin will poison even the most murderous of the insects. With the size of 15cm and a face only a mother could love, it will wrap its long tongue around the tiny 4cm body of the hornet and crush its will to live before devouring the hornet momentarily, that’s if the poison didn’t do its work already and poison you!





The Kid:



Another disadvantageous match up. What's a toad going to do when my murderous hornet comes up and stings it's slow ass. Nothing.



Match 3:



(S) Inland Taipan VS (K) American Eagle



Sandylea



Entering the arena is the deadliest snake in the world! The inland taipan, aka the fierce snake. With a name like that, you know you shouldn’t be messing with it! As usual though, these Americans need to mess with everything - here comes the American Eagle, representing freedom? Yeah right, feel the freedom from the venom filled fangs of the specialist hunter of mammals, with one bite enough to kill 100 fully grown men, and surviving against every other Australian animal and crazy aussies around - even if the eagle was able to snatch the inland taipan from the ground, before the eagle could nomnomnom his new found snack, he would be riddled with poison all through his body standing no chance at survival!





The Kid:


How is an American Eagle going to beat a made up creature? EASY. MERICA!

I vote Sandylea 2-1 , can’t vote against the eagle but Kids team would be better if they had strength in numbers.

I just want to remind everyone that my original 3rd pick was:

All of these matchups are hard to assess based on the animals alone. Some very odd battles. However sandylea put some effort into her arguments, while KING KID just said "I win lol" three times in a row, so a pretty easy vote in the end.

Fucking LOVE these System intro videos. They might be the best thing to come out of Animal Warfare.

In a video full of great lines, this might've been my favorite: "Venom more toxic than an off-topic political thread"

"Biodiversity Butcherer" is a GREAT wrestling nickname. Although "The King of Sting" ain't bad either.

LOL @ "hope your favorite wrestler didn't get cancelled in the meantime"... so many good lines in this! I feel like System is making a go at @ness trying to overtake him for favorite Voice of PW status.

8=====D

Match 1: (S) Funnel Web Spider VS (K) Horseshoe Bat

Holy shit does sandylea come out a-swingin' with guns a-blazin'. Her argument for her spider is so thorough and strong that I almost feel like it's gonna be a no contest. I'm hard-pressed to imagine KING KID being able to counter with anything that'll have me buying the bat could win. Plus, considering what the bat has done to the world, the bat is also clearly the chicken shit cowardly heel... making spider the de facto bad ass Stone Cold-like face.

And then KING KID goes and mounts a defense for his bat that almost perfectly mirrors the laziness and ignorance of a Trump tweet (no offense bro!) so... This is about as one-sided as I was thinking. Clear and easy decisive victory for sandylea in the opening bout.

NEXT!

8=====D

Match 2: (S) Cane Toad VS (K) Murder Hornet

sandylea still swingin' with them no mercy fists! She definitely wins on the trash talk front. Eviscerating! Even if I didn't think a Cane Toad could beat a singular murder hornet, sandylea's words alone would have me not convinced a murder hornet was a sure win. And then we get to the facts. The size differential weights in the toad's favor, and the fact that the hornet would have to make contact with toad's poisonous skin to deliver its sting... sounds like even if hornet managed to score a killing blow, it'd be a kamikaze-style suicide attack. And honestly, I'm presuming toad would just gobble hornet as a snack before hornet was even within stinging range.

This is where KING KID really should've done some research and dropped more facts. Because as it stands, I'm left to operate under my assumptions. And my assumptions are that murder hornets are really only a concerning threat based on swarming in numbers and multiple stings. A single hornet doesn't sound all that much more intimidating than your run of the mill wasp, hornet, bee, etc. Even a sole killer bee really isn't all that intimidating. And for being such a big hornet, I doubt it's as fast and nimble as smaller insects. In fact, it sounds like a relatively slow-moving big fat target for toad to snatch outta the air on its approach.

sandylea locks down my vote by winning the first two falls. But I'm still curious about the third and final match, so...

NEXT!

8=====D

Match 3: (S) Inland Taipan VS (K) American Eagle

I feel like lots of snake drafters are going to or can make claims that theirs is the deadliest in the world. So I'm going to discount that claim here as nothing more than hyperbole hype. Fierce snake is a bad ass nickname though. And it's track record against Australia's wildest wildlife is for sure impressive. But here I think sandylea is underrating the capabilities of birds of prey.

While I'm not a fan of KING KID's lazy/ignorant Trump defense, I know enough about bald eagles to buy that they could dive bomb a fast enough strike to fuck up any kind of snake. I've seen domestic cats take on king cobras and live to tell about it, so zero qualms believing a bald eagle could swoop in and snatch even the most alert snake by the neck... rendering its head and thus bite neutralized. From there, clutches in eagle's bad ass scary as shit talons, it's easy pickings for eagle to use it's razor beak to sever the head and seal the deal.

KING KID wins this final match, no thanks to his lack of advocating for his own animals... but it's all for naught anyway, as sandylea already had this in the bag.

DONE!

8=====D

There is an offhand chance sore loser KING KID does get the last laugh when "horseshow" bat's coronavirus mutates and infects all the animals on sandylea's team two weeks after this battle.

Also to be fair, I thought System was just asking my opinion on why I thought I could beat his chick. I thought he was flexing on me. I didn't know I had to write an essay.

Jun 19, 2020 19:06:40 GMT KING KID said:

Also to be fair, I thought System was just asking my opinion on why I thought I could beat his chick. I thought he was flexing on me. I didn't know I had to write an essay.

I feel like you're losing it, man. Where's KING KID of old -- the one who wasn't afraid to WRITE FOREVER for each segment of a KWF TV show?

Or even the ol' "NEW" KING KID, who'd at least think outside of the box and spam relevant gifs? I was at least expecting some convincing, compelling gif magic outta you. No essays needed.

But nah... ya phoned it in.

Fortunately, these battles are open for continued counter arguments... and my mind could be swayed perhaps. You just need to flip me on one of two matches. Start posting those gifs or something! Defend your honor!

Or don't.

@whocares

Least the thumbnail to the vid ain't a spider.

No need to convince anyone 🤯.

I got one vote for me.

From me.

Jun 19, 2020 19:46:47 GMT KING KID said:

No need to convince anyone 🤯 .

I got one vote for me.

From me.

If I was this smart I would have tied Baker. God fucking dammit.

Jun 19, 2020 19:50:23 GMT @ness said:

Jun 19, 2020 19:46:47 GMT KING KID said:

No need to convince anyone 🤯 .

I got one vote for me.

From me.

If I was this smart I would have tied Baker . God fucking dammit.

Victory over honor.

Jun 19, 2020 19:50:23 GMT @ness said:

Jun 19, 2020 19:46:47 GMT KING KID said:

No need to convince anyone 🤯 .

I got one vote for me.

From me.

If I was this smart I would have tied Baker. God fucking dammit.

But you hate ties? Surely an honourable defeat is the greater outcome?

Jun 19, 2020 20:02:59 GMT Emperor said:

Jun 19, 2020 19:50:23 GMT @ness said:

If I was this smart I would have tied Baker . God fucking dammit.

But you hate ties? Surely an honourable defeat is the greater outcome?

Yes, but I was hoping to see if System would've done something different with it. Maybe a 3-way into the next round or some sort of sudden death mash-up where we reverse the order. Alas I shall hope that my mamba infected the grizzly enough to wear it down into round 2!

I just want to point out how many posts/views I bring to tournaments.

Maybe she has the better write ups, but I'll tell you what? I bring the posts.

I BRING THE VOLUME!

I BRING THE PEOPLE!

I BRING 


THE ANIMAL!

Any of sandylea's animals would wreck Batista.

Jun 19, 2020 21:00:41 GMT Emperor said:

Any of sandylea 's animals would wreck Batista.

Kid wasn't allowed to pick Batista because it would be game over.

Jun 19, 2020 21:05:31 GMT @ness said:

Kid wasn't allowed to pick Batista because it would be game over.

END GAME.

Jun 19, 2020 21:00:41 GMT Emperor said:

Any of sandylea's animals would wreck Batista.

Going for the 3 way attack on Batista. Simple game over, he has no chance. ‘Animal’ my ass! Wreck time has commenced!

Jun 19, 2020 20:53:20 GMT KING KID said:

I just want to point out how many posts/views I bring to tournaments.

Maybe she has the better write ups, but I'll tell you what? I bring the posts.

You should’ve brought the better animals to the fight. Oooooooooo

And the crowd goes wild!!!