Post by RT on Jul 20, 2023 0:58:50 GMT
bodyslam
Bray Wyatt - (music plays We're really glad that you're our friend and this is a friendship that will never ever end) Yoie Wowie! How's every one today? That's great! How am I? (in a sad voice) I'm, I'm. . . . . .
Rambling Rabbit - What's wrong Bray? You seem sad. Does something have your tail tied in a knot?
Bray - Well Rambling Rabbit I had a bad dream last night. Not just last night, but the last several nights. Bad people were doing bad thing to me, but they weren't people. And they weren't doing it to not just me but all of us. It was dark.
Rambling Rabbit - I'm afraid of the dark.
Bray - Bad things happen in the dark. Very bad things. They opened the door. And and and I just can't deal with this right now. (Bray walks off)
Mic Foley - Bray, Bray, what was that? Is everything ok?
Bray - Its these dreams. These damn dreams. They seem so real.
Foley - What dreams?
Bray - They seem so real. Aliens. They're not jut aliens, but time traveling aliens. They been abducting us and doing things to us. Taking us to other planets and making us wrestle for them. It all seems so real. It has to be a dream. It can't be real. Can it? (Bray walks off)
Foley - (talking to himself) Time traveling aliens? Abducting wrestlers? Hmmm. I wonder if they abducted and probed Shawn Michaels and that's why he lost his smile?
Baker
(Somewhere in the backstage area of Smackdown)
Rambling Rabbit - What's wrong Bray? You seem sad. Does something have your tail tied in a knot?
Bray - Well Rambling Rabbit I had a bad dream last night. Not just last night, but the last several nights. Bad people were doing bad thing to me, but they weren't people. And they weren't doing it to not just me but all of us. It was dark.
Rambling Rabbit - I'm afraid of the dark.
Bray - Bad things happen in the dark. Very bad things. They opened the door. And and and I just can't deal with this right now. (Bray walks off)
Mic Foley - Bray, Bray, what was that? Is everything ok?
Bray - Its these dreams. These damn dreams. They seem so real.
Foley - What dreams?
Bray - They seem so real. Aliens. They're not jut aliens, but time traveling aliens. They been abducting us and doing things to us. Taking us to other planets and making us wrestle for them. It all seems so real. It has to be a dream. It can't be real. Can it? (Bray walks off)
Foley - (talking to himself) Time traveling aliens? Abducting wrestlers? Hmmm. I wonder if they abducted and probed Shawn Michaels and that's why he lost his smile?
Live from the Melmac Municipal Auditorium
Intergalactic Planetary Wrestling
Presents
Space Slam
Space Slam
The IPW Title is on the line as Champion Randy Savage defends Cactus Jack. After successfully defending the IPW Title against Bully Ray the Mancho Man was viciously attacked by a group of masked men. From out of nowhere Dude Love hit the ring and made the save. The Dude offered his hand to Savage in a Mega Powers like way, but the Mancho Man only thanked Dude Love and walked away. Then a few weeks later the IPW champion was attacked again leading to Dude Love again making the save. Love Again put his had out for a Mega Powers like handshake. Again Savage thanked him and walked away. The fallowing week Dude Love was attacked by the masked wrestlers, but this time Savage made the save. Before Dude Love could think Savage, the Mancho Man had left the ring. The fallowing week During a segment of Heavenly Bliss with Rev. Devon Savage was presented with a very large thank gift from Dude Love. After opening it two very attractive dudets appeared from the box. Again, Savage turned and walked away. After Successfully defending the IPW Title against Bray Wyatt the Manch Man was again presented a very large gift from Dude Love. This time before the box could be opened Cactus Jack sprang from the box attacking Savage leaving him a bloody mess. Dude Love appeared on the big screen and had these words for The Mancho Man.
Dude Love - Hey there Mancho Daddy how do you like the gift. I have a little bitty confession to make. I might have been behind the masked attacks. There's no might to it. I was behind the masked attacks but there was a reason. The Dude has plenty of dudets but he does not have many friends. All I wanted was to be your friend. I saved you, I sent you beautiful ladies, I offered my hand to you, and each time you turned and walked away. But there is no walking away now. HAVE A NICE DAY. BANG! BANG!
The irresistible force collides with the immovable object when the Immortal Hulk Hogan takes on Bruiser Brody.
The IPW Tag Team titles are on the line as the Rock-n-Roll Express defend against the Road Warriors. Since having to vacate the titles several months ago the Road Warrior feel like Ricky and Robert have purposely been avoiding them. In which the the Rock-n-Roll Express responded by way of their legal counsel Joseph Park.
Park - It is he by noted that the IPW Tag Team Champions Ricky Morton and Robert Gibson will defend the titles against the former champions the Road Warriors at an appropriate time. As of now they have other contractual obligations.
This did not sit well with Animal and Hawk. In a intimidating manor asked Park when exactly is a appropriate time, in which Park responded.
Park - RIGHT NOW. Sorry guys but you're on your own.
Deam Malenko defends the IPW Cruiser Weight Title against the Fallen Angel Christopher Daniels.
In a first time meeting JBL takes on HHH.
In A Moster's Ball Match two monsters collide when Abyss takes on the Fiend.
In the past weeks of Heavenly Bliss Rev. Devon has been known for his sermons on crime, sex in movies, masterbation, and jaywalking. But things were taken to a whole other level two weeks ago when he preached about music and the sins that fallow. This did not set very well with the Honky Tonk Man who snuck into the ring unobserved by Rev. Devon and delivered the guitar shot heard around the world. Leaving Rev. Devon laying in the middle of the ring. Honky Tonk Man grabbed the mic and had these words for the fans in attendance.
Honky Tonk Man - (fans cheering for the Honky Tonk Man) I want all you people out of your seats and on your feet and start dancing and singing and moving to the grooving and let the Honky Tonk Man show you how to Rock and Roll.
Ravishing Rick Rude take on the Great Muta
Sid goes one on one with Bully Ray
And it all kicks off with the Adorable Adrian Street taking on the Dynamite Kid.
Dude Love - Hey there Mancho Daddy how do you like the gift. I have a little bitty confession to make. I might have been behind the masked attacks. There's no might to it. I was behind the masked attacks but there was a reason. The Dude has plenty of dudets but he does not have many friends. All I wanted was to be your friend. I saved you, I sent you beautiful ladies, I offered my hand to you, and each time you turned and walked away. But there is no walking away now. HAVE A NICE DAY. BANG! BANG!
The irresistible force collides with the immovable object when the Immortal Hulk Hogan takes on Bruiser Brody.
The IPW Tag Team titles are on the line as the Rock-n-Roll Express defend against the Road Warriors. Since having to vacate the titles several months ago the Road Warrior feel like Ricky and Robert have purposely been avoiding them. In which the the Rock-n-Roll Express responded by way of their legal counsel Joseph Park.
Park - It is he by noted that the IPW Tag Team Champions Ricky Morton and Robert Gibson will defend the titles against the former champions the Road Warriors at an appropriate time. As of now they have other contractual obligations.
This did not sit well with Animal and Hawk. In a intimidating manor asked Park when exactly is a appropriate time, in which Park responded.
Park - RIGHT NOW. Sorry guys but you're on your own.
Deam Malenko defends the IPW Cruiser Weight Title against the Fallen Angel Christopher Daniels.
In a first time meeting JBL takes on HHH.
In A Moster's Ball Match two monsters collide when Abyss takes on the Fiend.
In the past weeks of Heavenly Bliss Rev. Devon has been known for his sermons on crime, sex in movies, masterbation, and jaywalking. But things were taken to a whole other level two weeks ago when he preached about music and the sins that fallow. This did not set very well with the Honky Tonk Man who snuck into the ring unobserved by Rev. Devon and delivered the guitar shot heard around the world. Leaving Rev. Devon laying in the middle of the ring. Honky Tonk Man grabbed the mic and had these words for the fans in attendance.
Honky Tonk Man - (fans cheering for the Honky Tonk Man) I want all you people out of your seats and on your feet and start dancing and singing and moving to the grooving and let the Honky Tonk Man show you how to Rock and Roll.
Ravishing Rick Rude take on the Great Muta
Sid goes one on one with Bully Ray
And it all kicks off with the Adorable Adrian Street taking on the Dynamite Kid.
Space Slam
IPW Title
IPW Title
Mancho Man Randy Savage (c) Vs Cactus Jack
Hulk Hogan vs Bruiser Brody
IPW Tag Team Title
Rock-n-Roll Express (c) vs the Road Warriors
IPW Cruiser Weight Title
Dean Makenko (c) vs Christopher Daniels
JBL vs HHH
Monster's Ball
Abyss vs The Fiend
Honky Tonk Man vs Rev Devon
Rick Rude vs The Great Muta
Bully Ray vs Sid
Adrian Street vs the Dynomite Kid
Baker
Selected Kingy Results
*The Kingy's are our Slammy's
Fans Least Favorite Wrestler: Jeff Jarrett edged out Dominik Mysterio by a dozen votes.
Fans Favorite Wrestler: In the closest race since we've been doing this, your winner, by a mere 7 votes (LA Knight stands up ready to claim the award), is Jerry "The King" Lawler! Lawler gives Knight a pat on the back and a "better luck next year" before claiming the award for the 20somethingth time in a row. Knight played it off like a good sport. Deep down he was fuming...
Lawlermania Results
Steiners defeated Usos to win the USWA Tag Titles
LA Knight pinned Dominik Mysterio. YEAH!
Hiroshi Tanahashi pinned Chris Benoit
Lex Luger pinned Terry Funk
WALTER defeated Stan Hansen
Ricky Steamboat pinned Randy Orton
Brock Lesnar pinned Vader to win the Tom Hickathrift Trophy
Sting pinned Shawn Michaels to become #1 Contender
*The Kingy's are our Slammy's
Fans Least Favorite Wrestler: Jeff Jarrett edged out Dominik Mysterio by a dozen votes.
Fans Favorite Wrestler: In the closest race since we've been doing this, your winner, by a mere 7 votes (LA Knight stands up ready to claim the award), is Jerry "The King" Lawler! Lawler gives Knight a pat on the back and a "better luck next year" before claiming the award for the 20somethingth time in a row. Knight played it off like a good sport. Deep down he was fuming...
Lawlermania Results
Steiners defeated Usos to win the USWA Tag Titles
LA Knight pinned Dominik Mysterio. YEAH!
Hiroshi Tanahashi pinned Chris Benoit
Lex Luger pinned Terry Funk
WALTER defeated Stan Hansen
Ricky Steamboat pinned Randy Orton
Brock Lesnar pinned Vader to win the Tom Hickathrift Trophy
Sting pinned Shawn Michaels to become #1 Contender
And all was right with the world when Jerry Lawler regained the USWA Championship by defeating Jeff Jarrett 2 falls to 1 in a Quadrangle Match.
The False Summer
Selected Wrestlefest Results
"Men call me Dark Star. I am of the night." With that tryhard line Dominik Mysterio coined his own nickname and became even more hated. During the build to Wrestlefest Dom begged Jeff Jarrett to take him on as a Padawan and teach him the ways of EVIL. A bemused Jarrett obliged after a few weeks of amusing segments. Fans chanted "Dork Star" at Dom both before and after LA Knight pinned him again. YEAH!
The False Summer
Selected Wrestlefest Results
"Men call me Dark Star. I am of the night." With that tryhard line Dominik Mysterio coined his own nickname and became even more hated. During the build to Wrestlefest Dom begged Jeff Jarrett to take him on as a Padawan and teach him the ways of EVIL. A bemused Jarrett obliged after a few weeks of amusing segments. Fans chanted "Dork Star" at Dom both before and after LA Knight pinned him again. YEAH!
Jerry Lawler retained the USWA Championship by pinning Jeff Jarrett in a rematch from Lawlermania after fending off interference from "Dark Star" Dominik Mysterio. As per pre-match stipulation Jarrett can never again challenge for the championship or refer to himself as "The King of the Mountain." JJ & Dork Star put the boots to Lawler after the match until LA Knight made the big save. Dummy Dom then challenged Lawler & Knight to a Loser Leaves Town tag match much to Jarrett's dismay and Knight's delight.
The Long Night Cometh
Selected Beale Street Brawl Result
"The Last Outlaw" Jeff Jarrett & "Dark Star" Dominik Mysterio defeated LA Knight & USWA Champion Jerry Lawler in a Loser of the Fall Leaves Town Match when Jarrett pinned Lawler after Knight turned on "The King." Yep. You read that right. JERRY LAWLER was forced to leave town. It was a wild scene as fans pelted the ring with trash. A few even jumped the railing only to be escorted away by police as Jarrett, Dom, and the turncloak LA Knight continued to taunt the good people of Memphis. Now we know why Jarrett stuck around in spite of never being able to challenge for the USWA Championship again. He lost that battle, but he won the war by finally ridding Memphis of its longtime King. Lemme talk to ya. LA Knight did it out of jealousy over the dummy fans voting Lawler their favorite wrestler over him. Yeah! And "Dark Star" Dom was in all his glory as he had finally executed a truly dastardly deed after many months of trying and failing to get it quite right. Lance Russell's uttered his now legendary call of "The Long Night is upon us." LA Knight would lean into everybody saying it by saying his own name stood for "Long Ass Night. Yeah!" Fans now chant "You! Suck! Boo!" whenever Night does his schtick.
Selected Volunteer Slam Results
"The Last Outlaw" Jeff Jarrett & "Dark Star" Dominik Mysterio won the Tag Titles from The Steiners
LA Night pinned #1 Contender Sting after many shenanigans to win the vacant USWA Championship
*The Long Night stable now rules the USWA with an iron fist
The Long Night Continueth
Sting snapped after losing to LA Night. As #1 Contender he felt the title should have been his. He was also upset about all the cheating Night used to beat him. Sting would spend the bulk of the next few months hanging out in the rafters, descending only to randomly interfere in the occasional match. Nobody could make heads or tails out of Sting's chosen strikes, but it's worth noting he never once attacked a member of The Long Night...
"The Last Outlaw" Jeff Jarrett & "Dark Star" Dominik Mysterio successfully defended the Tag Titles against The Steiners, Usos, and multiple makeshift teams.
LA Night (BOO!) needed only moderate shenanigans in his early defenses against loyal Lawler bannermen such as Hiroshi Tanahashi and Chris Benoit. The shenanigans kicked up a notch during Night's defense against Lawler loyalist Ricky Steamboat when Raven showed up outta nowhere to DDT Steamer on the floor giving Night an easy victory. Raven is all about the chaos The Long Night has created and he wants in on that action. Steamboat missed a few shows with a concussion and still wears a bandage on his head.
LA Night then defended against unlikely Lawler supporters Terry Funk and Lex Luger. Luger has surprisingly led the charge against The Long Night. He's become the biggest "Do it for The King!" rah rah guy there is. Or perhaps it's not so surprising after all... Funny thing about Luger. Yeah, he's a jerk most of the time, but when things REALLY get serious Flexy Lexy goes into full hero mode. Flair & The Horsemen...Yoko & The Foreign Fanatics...The NWO...and now The Long Night. He still lost though. And relatively clean at that. Well, Sting did rappel to ringside, but again left everybody hanging by doing nothing. Funk & Lawler have a long and storied history. "The Funker" confessed to respecting "The King" while viewing Night and his goons as the greater of two evils. The grizzled veteran had Night on the ropes until "The Viper" Randy Orton struck by punting Funk in the head, becoming the newest member of the Long Night in the process. Orton is a sadist who just wants to hurt people and The Long Night has given him that opportunity. He has become their assassin. Funk was Orton's first victim and has been on the shelf ever since.
The King's Men finally got one over on The Long Night when Lex Luger made "Dark Star" Dominik Mysterio submit to the Torture Rack to earn a Tag Title shot for Flexy Lexy and a partner. Now it was finally payback time. Luger refused to break the hold. The Long Night tried saving their buddy only to met at the pass by The King's Men. To save his poor bent back from further damage Dom quickly accepted Luger's challenge much to the dismay of LA Night. That challenge? The King's Men (Luger/Steamboat/Tanahashi/Benoit) vs. The Long Night at Slamboree In The Hills. If The King's Men win...
LAWLER IS REINSTATED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
A Dream of Spring
Slamboree In The Hills
Kurt Angle debuted by running the gauntlet against the slumping Usos leading him to think USWA must have a weak tag division since they held the tag straps most of last year.
LA Night retained the USWA Championship by pinning Shawn Michaels after pulling out every dirty, low down, dastardly trick in the book.
The King's Men (Luger/Steamboat/Tanahashi/Benoit) defeated The Long Night (Jarrett/Dom/Raven/Orton) when Luger pinned Dom following the Loaded Forearm of Righteousness. This was a wild match which saw them brawl all around the building. It also featured the return of Terry Funk who brawled to the back with Orton after Raven & Steamboat had already brawled to the back. Dom & JJ tied Tanahashi in the ropes, Andre-style, leaving Luger at a one on two disadvantage when Sting finally DID SOMETHING by rappelling from the rafters to Slop Drop Jarrett to a huge pop. This was the loudest crowd of the year and they only grew louder upon the announcement of...
JERRY LAWLER's REINSTATEMENT!
HE'S BACK!!
YEAH!!!
Lawlermania: The Long Night Endeth?
The Long Night Cometh
Selected Beale Street Brawl Result
"The Last Outlaw" Jeff Jarrett & "Dark Star" Dominik Mysterio defeated LA Knight & USWA Champion Jerry Lawler in a Loser of the Fall Leaves Town Match when Jarrett pinned Lawler after Knight turned on "The King." Yep. You read that right. JERRY LAWLER was forced to leave town. It was a wild scene as fans pelted the ring with trash. A few even jumped the railing only to be escorted away by police as Jarrett, Dom, and the turncloak LA Knight continued to taunt the good people of Memphis. Now we know why Jarrett stuck around in spite of never being able to challenge for the USWA Championship again. He lost that battle, but he won the war by finally ridding Memphis of its longtime King. Lemme talk to ya. LA Knight did it out of jealousy over the dummy fans voting Lawler their favorite wrestler over him. Yeah! And "Dark Star" Dom was in all his glory as he had finally executed a truly dastardly deed after many months of trying and failing to get it quite right. Lance Russell's uttered his now legendary call of "The Long Night is upon us." LA Knight would lean into everybody saying it by saying his own name stood for "Long Ass Night. Yeah!" Fans now chant "You! Suck! Boo!" whenever Night does his schtick.
Selected Volunteer Slam Results
"The Last Outlaw" Jeff Jarrett & "Dark Star" Dominik Mysterio won the Tag Titles from The Steiners
LA Night pinned #1 Contender Sting after many shenanigans to win the vacant USWA Championship
*The Long Night stable now rules the USWA with an iron fist
The Long Night Continueth
Sting snapped after losing to LA Night. As #1 Contender he felt the title should have been his. He was also upset about all the cheating Night used to beat him. Sting would spend the bulk of the next few months hanging out in the rafters, descending only to randomly interfere in the occasional match. Nobody could make heads or tails out of Sting's chosen strikes, but it's worth noting he never once attacked a member of The Long Night...
"The Last Outlaw" Jeff Jarrett & "Dark Star" Dominik Mysterio successfully defended the Tag Titles against The Steiners, Usos, and multiple makeshift teams.
LA Night (BOO!) needed only moderate shenanigans in his early defenses against loyal Lawler bannermen such as Hiroshi Tanahashi and Chris Benoit. The shenanigans kicked up a notch during Night's defense against Lawler loyalist Ricky Steamboat when Raven showed up outta nowhere to DDT Steamer on the floor giving Night an easy victory. Raven is all about the chaos The Long Night has created and he wants in on that action. Steamboat missed a few shows with a concussion and still wears a bandage on his head.
LA Night then defended against unlikely Lawler supporters Terry Funk and Lex Luger. Luger has surprisingly led the charge against The Long Night. He's become the biggest "Do it for The King!" rah rah guy there is. Or perhaps it's not so surprising after all... Funny thing about Luger. Yeah, he's a jerk most of the time, but when things REALLY get serious Flexy Lexy goes into full hero mode. Flair & The Horsemen...Yoko & The Foreign Fanatics...The NWO...and now The Long Night. He still lost though. And relatively clean at that. Well, Sting did rappel to ringside, but again left everybody hanging by doing nothing. Funk & Lawler have a long and storied history. "The Funker" confessed to respecting "The King" while viewing Night and his goons as the greater of two evils. The grizzled veteran had Night on the ropes until "The Viper" Randy Orton struck by punting Funk in the head, becoming the newest member of the Long Night in the process. Orton is a sadist who just wants to hurt people and The Long Night has given him that opportunity. He has become their assassin. Funk was Orton's first victim and has been on the shelf ever since.
The King's Men finally got one over on The Long Night when Lex Luger made "Dark Star" Dominik Mysterio submit to the Torture Rack to earn a Tag Title shot for Flexy Lexy and a partner. Now it was finally payback time. Luger refused to break the hold. The Long Night tried saving their buddy only to met at the pass by The King's Men. To save his poor bent back from further damage Dom quickly accepted Luger's challenge much to the dismay of LA Night. That challenge? The King's Men (Luger/Steamboat/Tanahashi/Benoit) vs. The Long Night at Slamboree In The Hills. If The King's Men win...
LAWLER IS REINSTATED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
A Dream of Spring
Slamboree In The Hills
Kurt Angle debuted by running the gauntlet against the slumping Usos leading him to think USWA must have a weak tag division since they held the tag straps most of last year.
LA Night retained the USWA Championship by pinning Shawn Michaels after pulling out every dirty, low down, dastardly trick in the book.
The King's Men (Luger/Steamboat/Tanahashi/Benoit) defeated The Long Night (Jarrett/Dom/Raven/Orton) when Luger pinned Dom following the Loaded Forearm of Righteousness. This was a wild match which saw them brawl all around the building. It also featured the return of Terry Funk who brawled to the back with Orton after Raven & Steamboat had already brawled to the back. Dom & JJ tied Tanahashi in the ropes, Andre-style, leaving Luger at a one on two disadvantage when Sting finally DID SOMETHING by rappelling from the rafters to Slop Drop Jarrett to a huge pop. This was the loudest crowd of the year and they only grew louder upon the announcement of...
JERRY LAWLER's REINSTATEMENT!
HE'S BACK!!
YEAH!!!
Lawlermania: The Long Night Endeth?
1. Jimmy Uso vs. Jey Uso- Brother vs. Brother Friendly
The Usos were on fire last Lawlermania season, holding the Tag Titles for most of the year. Unfortunately they've been in a huge slump since the last Lawlermania, losing multiple times to the Steiners and Jarrett/Dom. The brothers decided it's time to get back to the basics...return to where they started...wrestling each other just as they had every day growing up.
2. Ricky Steamboat vs. Raven- Raven's Rules Grudge Match
Raven made an impactful debut by DDTing Steamboat on the concrete as "The Dragon" was challenging for LA Night's USWA Championship. Steamboat is out for revenge, but to get it he'll have to beat Raven in his own ultraviolent environment.
3. Steiners vs. Ameri-Can Connection (Angle & Benoit)- #1 Contender Match
It's a battle for suplexcellence supremacy when the Steiners take on the newly formed duo of Angle & Benoit who Kurt dubbed "The Ameri-Can Connection" while Benoit was all "whatever."
4. "The Viper" Randy Orton vs. Terry Funk- Texas Death Match
Similar to Raven/Steamboat. Orton cost Funk the USWA Championship, injuring him in the process, and now Funk is out for revenge. Only this time Orton has to play terrible Terry's game in a Texas Death Match.
5. Shawn Michaels vs. Stan Hansen- Culture Clash Dream Match
Two very different Texans, both great in their own completely different way, do battle for the first time. You won't want to miss this dream match you regret never dreaming about.
6. Hiroshi Tanahashi vs. Vader- Dream Match #2
How about back to back dream matches?
7. Brock Lesnar (c) vs. WALTER- Tom Hickathrift Trophy Match
Brock defeated Vader in the ultimate Clash of the Titans to win the Tom Hickathrift Memorial Trophy Tournament last Lawlermania and decided to make it into his own "title." He only wrestles a few times a year and only wrestlers over 280 pounds are eligible to hold the Hickathrift. WALTER qualifies making this a third straight dream match. What a show! And we haven't even reached the apex yet...
8. The Long Night (Jeff Jarrett & Dominik Mysterio) vs. The Super Friends (Lex Luger & Sting)- Tag Title Match
The hated Long Night duo of "Dark Star" Dom & "The Last Outlaw" JJ wreaked havoc all year long but many feel they've finally met their match in the reunited Super Friends. Luger led the fight against The Long Night and earned this shot by beating Dom a few shows back. After a year of having his head (and body) in the clouds Luger's longtime friend Sting finally got his head on straight and came back down to Earth. Can the good guys please, please, pretty please win this one?
THE MAIN EVENT
9. LA Night (c) vs. Jerry "The King" Lawler- No DQ USWA Championship Match/Any wrestler interfering will be banned FOR LIFE
LA Night's dastardly deeds leading The Long Night over the past year are well chronicled here. Night and his goons have ravaged the Kingdom for the better part of a year. We've covered that jerk enough and frankly I am tired of it. Now I want to talk about something good and pure and wholesome. I want to talk about Jerry "The King" Lawler...
Forged in fire & blood, anointed by acclamation, he is the Last King. He is the Last Hero. He is Jerry Lawler. The Greatest of All Time. He has watched from the sidelines for 10 long months as his Kingdom descended into darkness. A darkness brought on by LA Night. But fear not, loyal subjects. It's always darkest before the dawn, but dawn draws near. For the King hath returned! And the one true King is not pleased...
He has repelled invaders, crushed rebellions, and forced usurpers to the bend the knee. He has cheated Death and snuffed out a Superstar. He has slain Giants and defeated literal Gods. He has stripped one legend of his Flair and another of his Funk. He has tamed a Psycho and proved to be beyond Perfect. A famous Savage wasn't savage enough and an even more famous Hulk not so incredible after all.
In truth the paltry accomplishments of turncloak LA Night pale in comparison to the deeds of The King. His song has been sung for decades now and it only gets sweeter with each passing year. The singers will still be singing his tune years after we are all gone. LA Night had his fun beating on boys while the King was expelled from his Kingdom. But playtime is over. The King has returned. Dawn draws near. The Long Night is reaching its conclusion. I can feel it. You can feel it. The good people of Memphis can feel it. Even LA Night himself can feel it deep down.
You know what? I'm not even going to bother with the details of my yearly spiel about how Lawler has lost twice at Lawlermania to prove it can happen. This is not the time for that. This is a time for celebration. A time for rejoicing. So go get your favorite party snacks and gather 'round your closest friends to see Jerry "The King" Lawler make History one more time.
2. Ricky Steamboat vs. Raven- Raven's Rules Grudge Match
Raven made an impactful debut by DDTing Steamboat on the concrete as "The Dragon" was challenging for LA Night's USWA Championship. Steamboat is out for revenge, but to get it he'll have to beat Raven in his own ultraviolent environment.
3. Steiners vs. Ameri-Can Connection (Angle & Benoit)- #1 Contender Match
It's a battle for suplexcellence supremacy when the Steiners take on the newly formed duo of Angle & Benoit who Kurt dubbed "The Ameri-Can Connection" while Benoit was all "whatever."
4. "The Viper" Randy Orton vs. Terry Funk- Texas Death Match
Similar to Raven/Steamboat. Orton cost Funk the USWA Championship, injuring him in the process, and now Funk is out for revenge. Only this time Orton has to play terrible Terry's game in a Texas Death Match.
5. Shawn Michaels vs. Stan Hansen- Culture Clash Dream Match
Two very different Texans, both great in their own completely different way, do battle for the first time. You won't want to miss this dream match you regret never dreaming about.
6. Hiroshi Tanahashi vs. Vader- Dream Match #2
How about back to back dream matches?
7. Brock Lesnar (c) vs. WALTER- Tom Hickathrift Trophy Match
Brock defeated Vader in the ultimate Clash of the Titans to win the Tom Hickathrift Memorial Trophy Tournament last Lawlermania and decided to make it into his own "title." He only wrestles a few times a year and only wrestlers over 280 pounds are eligible to hold the Hickathrift. WALTER qualifies making this a third straight dream match. What a show! And we haven't even reached the apex yet...
8. The Long Night (Jeff Jarrett & Dominik Mysterio) vs. The Super Friends (Lex Luger & Sting)- Tag Title Match
The hated Long Night duo of "Dark Star" Dom & "The Last Outlaw" JJ wreaked havoc all year long but many feel they've finally met their match in the reunited Super Friends. Luger led the fight against The Long Night and earned this shot by beating Dom a few shows back. After a year of having his head (and body) in the clouds Luger's longtime friend Sting finally got his head on straight and came back down to Earth. Can the good guys please, please, pretty please win this one?
THE MAIN EVENT
9. LA Night (c) vs. Jerry "The King" Lawler- No DQ USWA Championship Match/Any wrestler interfering will be banned FOR LIFE
LA Night's dastardly deeds leading The Long Night over the past year are well chronicled here. Night and his goons have ravaged the Kingdom for the better part of a year. We've covered that jerk enough and frankly I am tired of it. Now I want to talk about something good and pure and wholesome. I want to talk about Jerry "The King" Lawler...
Forged in fire & blood, anointed by acclamation, he is the Last King. He is the Last Hero. He is Jerry Lawler. The Greatest of All Time. He has watched from the sidelines for 10 long months as his Kingdom descended into darkness. A darkness brought on by LA Night. But fear not, loyal subjects. It's always darkest before the dawn, but dawn draws near. For the King hath returned! And the one true King is not pleased...
He has repelled invaders, crushed rebellions, and forced usurpers to the bend the knee. He has cheated Death and snuffed out a Superstar. He has slain Giants and defeated literal Gods. He has stripped one legend of his Flair and another of his Funk. He has tamed a Psycho and proved to be beyond Perfect. A famous Savage wasn't savage enough and an even more famous Hulk not so incredible after all.
In truth the paltry accomplishments of turncloak LA Night pale in comparison to the deeds of The King. His song has been sung for decades now and it only gets sweeter with each passing year. The singers will still be singing his tune years after we are all gone. LA Night had his fun beating on boys while the King was expelled from his Kingdom. But playtime is over. The King has returned. Dawn draws near. The Long Night is reaching its conclusion. I can feel it. You can feel it. The good people of Memphis can feel it. Even LA Night himself can feel it deep down.
You know what? I'm not even going to bother with the details of my yearly spiel about how Lawler has lost twice at Lawlermania to prove it can happen. This is not the time for that. This is a time for celebration. A time for rejoicing. So go get your favorite party snacks and gather 'round your closest friends to see Jerry "The King" Lawler make History one more time.
