Allow me to channel my inner theend for a moment.

What is your take on umbrellas?
I refuse to carry one in public, here is my reasoning:

A: It is incredibly inconvenient to carry an umbrella on the off chance or rain.
B: Despite the old forest tree like girth of my ePenis I maintain there is no masculine way to use or carry an umbrella.
C: Seeing a man with an umbrella is like making eye contact with another man while you are eating a banana.
D: You are now free to judge my draconian and obvious misogyny and homophobia. 


Don't be down on my post though, because: When the sun shines though, we'll shine together

I kept a small umbrella in my work backpack when I used to park a mile or so away. I blended in with all the bidness men in the banking district.

I agree with A, but the main reason I don't own an umbrella is there is a far better option.

THE HOOD.

I have a thick waterproof coat with a thick waterproof hood. The hood is better than the umbrella.

A: You don't have to carry it around, it's part of the coat you would be wearing anyway.
B: Great coverage against rain and other precipitation.
C: It doubles as a hat, keeping the head nice and warm. In fact it's even better than a woolly hat: more coverage.
D: You look slightly more like a thug with the hood up so randoms are more likely to stay away from you. Bonus thug points for wrapping a black scarf around your nose/mouth on especially cold days.

The minor drawbacks are a slight loss in peripheral vision and a lack of face protection from the rain if you happen to be walking in the wrong direction relative to how the wind is blowing the rain, but I can live with those.

Umbrella.. I'm not a 65 year old woman.

Do you wear a yellow rain coat like the Gorton's Fish guy as an alternative to be more manly?

No, I wear a North Face Puffer jacket to ensure my masculinity remains toxic and my privilege goes unchecked.