You are “elected” supreme ruler of the world and have the power to implement any laws you like. Sure you could implement laws and policies to help your fellow man but we aren’t about that life here.

What are you implementing? A ban on umbrellas? A ban on dogs with jackets?
A ban on dogs with jackets holding umbrellas?


System’s Supreme Leader Legislation:

1. Using the phrase “half a dozen” shall be punishable by death. Just say six and stop wasting everyone’s time.
2. Talking/texting in movie theatres once the film has commenced is also punishable by death.
3. Designated walkways for people with rolling suitcases so they can get out of everyone’s way.
4. Salt and Vinegar chip prices will be capped at $3 maximum price
5. Britpop can only be listened to with headphones.

1. Anyone who stands (and doesn't walk) on a travelator has forfeited their right to ever wear shoes again
2. Listening to music in public on a speaker rather than via headphones will have an ear removed the first two times you are caught, then we start with toes.
3. Fish and Chip shops must provide guidance on how many chips are "minimum chips"
4. No more TV shows or advertisements painting men as generally incompetent
5. A war on vegans, almond milk will be rebranded nut juice and all other vegan products will have accurate names

Don’t chew with your mouth open. Don’t stop in the middle of walkway or doorway to talk. Do not smoke or vape in an enclosed area.

If you do all 3 at once, I should be allowed to punch you in the throat multiple times.

Answering questions when you have nothing to contribute shall result in all of your fingers broken Saw X style.

EG: “Anyone know where I can buy a good lawnmower

Person “No I don’t sorry, so and so mows my lawns”

Happens all the time at work.

“Looking for someone to work x to x?”

Person: I can’t work sorry I’m doing ____

Then don’t reply to it!

1. Able-bodied people who use the elevator to go to the first floor should be punished by being relocated to the 10th floor of a building with no elevator.

2. When walking in public, a maximum of two people side by side. No groups of three or more people taking up the entire width of the walkway, constantly moving aside to make way for someone, before immediately reestablishing their obstructive formation. Extremely wide walkways are an exception.

3. Bands who tour in the UK are required to play in at least four reasonably spaced locations. Not just London only and fuck off. I am willing to consider a similar rule for other unfortunate nations.

4. In the workplace, all questions in an email must be acknowledged. No selectively choosing the easiest question and ignoring the rest.

5. Global ban on cricket.

1. Life time bans should you get to the front of the cue at a McDonalds or similar fast food restaurants and remain undecided, thus holding everyone up.

2. Having a loud, obnoxious conversation while on speaker phone in public, disrupting the general public results in a loss of all mobile phone privileges for a month.

3. Unsolicited door knocking (ie; salesmen, Jehovah's Witnesses) will be met with a Letterkenny style mocking through unrivalled wordplay and puns, and the eventual public humiliation of having to fight the toughest guy in town.

4. A large unkempt pig will be kept by every neighbourhood. Next to this beast's pen will be the only spot a smoker can enjoy a cigarette in public. Any complaints about the smell will be null and void if they don't understand the irony.

5. CM Punk is pardoned of all past, present and future crimes against wrestling.

Dec 1, 2023 20:43:41 GMT NATH45 said:

4. A large unkempt pig will be kept by every neighbourhood. Next to this beast's pen will be the only spot a smoker can enjoy a cigarette in public. Any complaints about the smell will be null and void if they don't understand the irony.

you are my hero

Dec 1, 2023 1:04:15 GMT System said:

Answering questions when you have nothing to contribute shall result in all of your fingers broken Saw X style.

EG: “Anyone know where I can buy a good lawnmower

Person “No I don’t sorry, so and so mows my lawns”

Happens all the time at work.

“Looking for someone to work x to x?”

Person: I can’t work sorry I’m doing ____

Then don’t reply to it!

Happens at work all the time. You ask over the walkie if anyone has seen “so and so” and four idiots reply “no”…

Shut up dummies I don’t need to know that you haven’t seen him. Your silence would imply you haven’t. Now kindly shut the fuck up so the guy who has seen him can answer.