So, this is probably going to be my last post on here, for a while. I'm just so emotionally and mentally drained right now.

Over the last couple of years, the wife and I have been trying to have a baby of our own (to go with the two kids she already has), it hasn't always been easy, especially since she needs medicine to help with ovulating. Honestly, I could deal with the negitive pregnacy tests, as disappointing as they were, but we finally made it happen, she got pregnant, only to have a miscarriage, and this is just more painful than I ever could imagine (even more so for her).

I hate that I haven't been able to give her the one thing we've both wanted for so long. I know I probably shouldn't feel this way, but it kills me inside, knowing I've failed her as a partner.

Jul 8, 2024 15:08:02 GMT Lony said:

So, this is probably going to be my last post on here, for a while. I'm just so emotionally and mentally drained right now.

Over the last couple of years, the wife and I have been trying to have a baby of our own (to go with the two kids she already has), it hasn't always been easy, especially since she needs medicine to help with ovulating. Honestly, I could deal with the negitive pregnacy tests, as disappointing as they were, but we finally made it happen, she got pregnant, only to have a miscarriage, and this is just more painful than I ever could imagine (even more so for her).

I hate that I haven't been able to give her the one thing we've both wanted for so long. I know I probably shouldn't feel this way, but it kills me inside, knowing I've failed her as a partner.

I sent you a PM, hang in there brother.

Jul 8, 2024 15:08:02 GMT Lony said:

So, this is probably going to be my last post on here, for a while. I'm just so emotionally and mentally drained right now.

Over the last couple of years, the wife and I have been trying to have a baby of our own (to go with the two kids she already has), it hasn't always been easy, especially since she needs medicine to help with ovulating. Honestly, I could deal with the negitive pregnacy tests, as disappointing as they were, but we finally made it happen, she got pregnant, only to have a miscarriage, and this is just more painful than I ever could imagine (even more so for her).

I hate that I haven't been able to give her the one thing we've both wanted for so long. I know I probably shouldn't feel this way, but it kills me inside, knowing I've failed her as a partner.

I have had many friends who have struggles with this over the years. It is not easy. Myself I suffered a few miscarriages, so I know the pain you must be going through. But please know you have not failed her anymore than she's failed you. You stepped up to be a father to kids who needed one. You are an amazing human. Sending your and your wife lots of love Lony.

Miscarriage is one of the most heartbreaking things possible, a time that's so emotionally charged and hopeful abruptly turns into total darkness. It does get slightly easier over time, but it will be raw forever, even if you are lucky enough to have a subsequent successful pregnancy.

I think it's incredibly important not to view it as a failure on anyone's behalf, it is simply one of those things to endure and support each other through. Do the best you can to look after yourself, your wife, and your kids Lony - we'll be thinking of you.

Oh man. I was gonna come in here and complain that I brought covid back from my Florida vacation, but Lony got some serious emotional weight here. As I'm sure a lot of you know, I was born infertile and had to go through IVF treatments with my wife. I didn't know about my infertility until I was like 35, so it was a massive shock. A lot of soul searching, and a number of feelings that no doubt you're going through. But at the end of the day, you haven't failed at anything. In fact, you're a great success at giving stability and love to your two sons who no doubt needed that from you.

Miscarriages are incredibly hard, and @admin summed things up wonderfully. One of my co-workers is going through this right now too, as him and his wife are dealing with being childless and miscarriages. The emotional toll that infertility takes on you is extremely heavy, and something that takes a lot of time to process.

Lony you know how to find me if you want me to take you out for some pizza and beer and talk and possibly get your mind off of things. My treat of course! Wishing you and wife all the positive juju I can muster.

I got Covid again.

Jul 16, 2024 1:41:06 GMT KJ said:

I got Covid again.

How's rest of the family? My three year old got it first, and puked one night and was fine. Then my 6 year old got, complained about an upset stomach, and was fine. Then Mrs. Foos got it and was wiped for a full day, and miserable for like 3 days. Then I got it, and had one really rough day, and lingering effects for a few days afterwards. 

Jul 16, 2024 2:31:27 GMT Foos said:

Jul 16, 2024 1:41:06 GMT KJ said:

I got Covid again.

How's rest of the family? My three year old got it first, and puked one night and was fine. Then my 6 year old got, complained about an upset stomach, and was fine. Then Mrs. Foos got it and was wiped for a full day, and miserable for like 3 days. Then I got it, and had one really rough day, and lingering effects for a few days afterwards. 

I’m in the early days, so hoping the boys are okay. They tested positive two years ago, but never even sniffled.

My wife will get hard though, and that makes me stressed.

Jul 16, 2024 2:40:07 GMT KJ said:

Jul 16, 2024 2:31:27 GMT Foos said:

How's rest of the family? My three year old got it first, and puked one night and was fine. Then my 6 year old got, complained about an upset stomach, and was fine. Then Mrs. Foos got it and was wiped for a full day, and miserable for like 3 days. Then I got it, and had one really rough day, and lingering effects for a few days afterwards. 

I’m in the early days, so hoping the boys are okay. They tested positive two years ago, but never even sniffled.

My wife will get hard though, and that makes me stressed.

Hope you recover quick mate, I'm realising later in life that viruses are no joke... I tend to start to feel a bit better, then overdo it and set myself back. Rest up and give yourself more time than you think you need. You'll actually be better sooner if you do 

Hoping you and your families are all the mend Foos & KJ.

Why do they always do this? No good deed... give an inch and all that. Lady at work who lives in the same city as me I've been helping her mow her lawn. She doesn't pay me, but she has given me food. It's whatever, I think her grown ass son living at home should do it... but that's another conversation. The reason for the post is I'm starting to get annoyed since she seems to think I'm just gonna be free labor for her. Eventually I feel like I'm gonna find myself in a don't shit where you eat situation where I'm gonna have to be the bad guy because of greed and people always wanting to take advantage of someone's kindness and then you won't get your lawn mowed (by me anyway) and then it'll be awkward at work. How many people would mow your lawn essentially for free? Not many... so why not just take the win and leave it at that. Even I have limits. Would be whatever if it was just the lawn, but I'm not gonna be your personal handyman... not when you only have gamer sons. If you had a hot daughter maybe I'd wanna hang around more...

Lots of people think I'm the useless adult child living at home, because they see my mom doing all the yard work. I told my mom unless she wants turf, rock and concrete, the yard is hers. I do the snow shoveling in the winter and move all her planters and shit around for her, but I don't weed, mow, plant, trim or any other summer outdoorsy yard verbs that have me potentially touching a spider, burning to a crisp or getting eaten alive by mosquitos. I had hired someone to do both the snow and lawn, but they didn't come often enough for her or if they did, didn't do it to her satisfaction so...I shovel and she mows.

One of the neighbors actually asked my mom when I was moving out? MYOB lady, my name is on title and I pay 3/4 of the bills.

Anyone ever feel like they just want to die?

Four and a half years, amd it's gone. Maybe that miscarriage was a blessing in disguise. First my appendix being removed, the miscarriage, and the wife dropped it on me that she wants a seperation (the youngest kids dad finally came between us).

Forget failing as a husband, I've just failed at life. I'm just fucking done at life.

Edit: No, I'm not gonna kill myself or anything.

Edit 2: So I slept on the couch last night, and it was the worst sleep I've ever had. It just hits different, when your so used to holding someone in your arms, as you drift off to sleep.

Really sorry to hear that man. I suppose you can't just clean break because you adopted the kids. That's one reason I couldn't see myself married simply because everything is good until it isn't. Might be a good idea to start looking at lawyers because I'm sure she already has one.

Jul 17, 2024 13:30:30 GMT @ness said:

Really sorry to hear that man. I suppose you can't just clean break because you adopted the kids. That's one reason I couldn't see myself married simply because everything is good until it isn't. Might be a good idea to start looking at lawyers because I'm sure she already has one.

That was something we discussed, and looked into, financially it wasn't something we were able to do. Honestly, that's what kills me the most, I am more concerned for them, and the hurt they'll be going through.

I've helped raise the youngest for two-thirds of his life, the oldest for literally half his life. Like yesterday, the youngest asked why I was sleeping on the couch, and it broke me.

August 5th, would mark two years married, which sucks, csuse I booked that Friday to Monday off, so we could celebrate.

Jul 17, 2024 1:49:59 GMT Lony said:

Anyone ever feel like they just want to die?

Four and a half years, amd it's gone. Maybe that miscarriage was a blessing in disguise. First my appendix being removed, the miscarriage, and the wife dropped it on me that she wants a seperation (the youngest kids dad finally came between us).

Forget failing as a husband, I've just failed at life. I'm just fucking done at life.

Edit: No, I'm not gonna kill myself or anything.

Edit 2: So I slept on the couch last night, and it was the worst sleep I've ever had. It just hits different, when your so used to holding someone in your arms, as you drift off to sleep.

I promise you that the problem is you are too good for her.

Not to put crazy stuff out there, but on the basis of this recent development, question everything with her.
Women who will do this to a man are capable of anything.
Having had my own kids, I'm not sure I could do the single Mom thing as it is just too much invested in being a good Dad to have it ripped away.
You are still young enough to find someone and have your own beautiful family... Go do that man.

Whatever you do... Don't take her back when that deadbeat sperm donor lets her down. When people show you who they are, believe them!!

That's really awful mate and I'm terribly sorry that things worked out this way.

Before I begin, let me stress that you're not a failure. Those things you listed you had no control over. It's just a horrible set of circumstances that you've got to navigate through.

These are tough times, but they don't always have to be this tough. I learned in life not to focus too much on the hazard, but rather how you plan on steering forward. You've come a long way and achieved things you never thought possible and you can do it again.

Just take things one step at a time. You can always vent to us and help clear your headspace and we all care about you and your wellbeing.

Just cruel timing to do that right after a miscarriage but maybe she isn't in a right place of mind on her end as well but to just go back with another guy after that is like digging the dagger to the heart even further. People just suck Lony , time to self reflect and take care of yourself first and foremost. You got a good heart to look after others but sometimes, you also have to respect your own mental & physical state. You did something that most would never do and that's to look after offspring that aren't yours but you treat them as if they were, that's commendable and shows your how good of a person you are and that is something you should always remind yourself when you look at the mirror. 

That's her loss ultimately, nothing you can really dwell upon as to what you did wrong. 

Jul 17, 2024 1:49:59 GMT Lony said:

(the youngest kids dad finally came between us).

Maybe I am making some wild assumptions but this right here tells me that she was planning an out already and recent events just gave her an excuse to leave. Saying "finally" says to me that her ex has been a part of her life in ways that either you were not aware of or ways that were inappropriate for a married woman.

Being the father of her kids he will probably have a part in their life and that is fine, but it sounds like there was more going on. And if she is that heartless that she "finally" let this happen after experiencing a miscarriage, then that raises a lot of questions and red flags about her that I won't even get into right now.

I am really sorry you are going through this man. You're one of the nicest people I've ever met on here and you don't deserve this at all. As horrible as this is right now, you're going to be better off if she would do something like this to you. Hopefully realizing that will help you get through this.

Jul 17, 2024 1:49:59 GMT Lony said:

Anyone ever feel like they just want to die?

Four and a half years, amd it's gone. Maybe that miscarriage was a blessing in disguise. First my appendix being removed, the miscarriage, and the wife dropped it on me that she wants a seperation (the youngest kids dad finally came between us).

Forget failing as a husband, I've just failed at life. I'm just fucking done at life.

Edit: No, I'm not gonna kill myself or anything.

Edit 2: So I slept on the couch last night, and it was the worst sleep I've ever had. It just hits different, when your so used to holding someone in your arms, as you drift off to sleep.

I mean, I don’t know this woman from a bar of soap..

But I’ve seen dudes get trapped in this situation with single mothers and it won’t surprise me if one day you’ll look back at this moment as a blessing in disguise.

Jul 17, 2024 1:49:59 GMT Lony said:

Anyone ever feel like they just want to die?

Four and a half years, amd it's gone. Maybe that miscarriage was a blessing in disguise. First my appendix being removed, the miscarriage, and the wife dropped it on me that she wants a seperation (the youngest kids dad finally came between us).

Forget failing as a husband, I've just failed at life. I'm just fucking done at life.

Edit: No, I'm not gonna kill myself or anything.

Edit 2: So I slept on the couch last night, and it was the worst sleep I've ever had. It just hits different, when your so used to holding someone in your arms, as you drift off to sleep.

You didn’t fail, a relationship ending hurts no matter the reasons behind it/no matter who made the decision/no matter the length of the relationship. Everyone unfortunately reaches a breaking point, and some people get lucky enough that the other person is there to help hold them/keep the broken parts together.
The fact she isn’t there for you, when you both lost the baby. It’s not a team, she wasn’t there to hold you when you needed it.

You haven’t failed at life, while it’s sad what you’ve gone through I hope you look back at this as a blessing in disguise. Take care of yourself and don’t let those negative thoughts bring you down.

Also pillows are great to cuddle, it’s not the same, but I can’t sleep without having something to cuddle and it does help.

The relationship might have failed, but you didn’t ❤️

Thank you, guys.

Honestly, I know this means I'm not a failure, just that our marriage failed, but that doesn't make it any easier. Like I said, more than anything, it's the two boys that I feel bad for, like how am I supposed to say goodbye to them, without hurting them.

She won me over, on our first date, dinner and a movie. The theater has an arcade, we were playing one of those basketball hoop games, the ball bounced out and hit me. She let out the most adorable laugh I've ever heard, and I knew I wanted more then the one date.

Flash forward a short time later, I met the kids for the first time, the youngest turned two, at his birthdsy party he and his brother were making a box fort, and I helped, I knew then I was 100% in, and I wasn't going anywhere.

Jul 17, 2024 15:21:23 GMT iNCY said:

I promise you that the problem is you are too good for her.

This!

I know you love her and you probably don't want to hear that right now, but any woman who would do this to a wonderful guy who is willing to do anything for her and her kids, needs to shake their head. You have stepped up and been a father to those kids in every way that matters and that's honestly the real tragedy of it all, because I know they will miss you as much as you will miss them. I'm so sorry you are going through this. I said it earlier and I'll say it again, you did not fail in any way! Having you as a stabilizing force in their life-whether for a little or a long time-could really make a difference to those kids. That is the furthest thing away from failure.

Jul 17, 2024 16:53:19 GMT Lony said:

Thank you, guys.

Honestly, I know this means I'm not a failure, just that our marriage failed, but that doesn't make it any easier. Like I said, more than anything, it's the two boys that I feel bad for, like how am I supposed to say goodbye to them, without hurting them.

She won me over, on our first date, dinner and a movie. The theater has an arcade, we were playing one of those basketball hoop games, the ball bounced out and hit me. She let out the most adorable laugh I've ever heard, and I knew I wanted more then the one date.

Flash forward a short time later, I met the kids for the first time, the youngest turned two, at his birthdsy party he and his brother were making a box fort, and I helped, I knew then I was 100% in, and I wasn't going anywhere.

I've been in your situation before (minus the marriage). Before I met my wife I dated women on two separate occasions who had kids from previous relationships. One was more of a fling that didn't last long, but one got pretty serious to the point we were talking about moving in together. And getting along with the kids in both situations was what got me from "hey this guy seems pretty great" to "this might be your new dad." You would be shocked (or maybe not) at how many guys see women with kids as used goods that they can have fun with then fuck off, or view kids as a deal breaker for whatever reason. Being ok with them having kids gets you like 80% of the way in the door in a lot of situations.

Obviously both those relationships ended and like you, I was mostly upset about the kid(s). We're adults and can get over a break-up, but kids don't have that level of understanding yet, and the more you put them through those situations the more it affects them. I felt terrible for them, and asked myself if I was wrong to insert myself in their lives knowing that it could end abruptly. Was I being unfair to them? Should I have done more? Tried harder?

I realized that it wasn't my fault because at least I tried. I was genuine and wanted to be there for them, much like you have and are. The unfortunate part is that you will beat yourself up for it, but that means you're a good person that cares more about others than yourself. I've learned over the years that being a good person means you're upset a lot. :lol:

You can't help when people with kids end up being shitty people. All you can do is make your time with them the best you possibly can and hope for the best. And I can almost guarantee you that if this woman keeps up this kind of behaviour, the kids are going to blame her and not you. And I don't know what the future holds for you but if there's any opportunity to stay in their lives, no matter how hard it is or how infrequent, I know you'll do what is best for the kids, and I guarantee you they will appreciate it more than you'll ever know. I hope for their sake you get that opportunity some day.

If you don't, well, hopefully she figures her shit out and doesn't do this kind of thing again. And regardless of what happens between you and her, I know you'll continue to be a good guy that will find happiness eventually.

Jul 17, 2024 15:40:51 GMT RT said:

Jul 17, 2024 1:49:59 GMT Lony said:

(the youngest kids dad finally came between us).

Maybe I am making some wild assumptions but this right here tells me that she was planning an out already and recent events just gave her an excuse to leave. Saying "finally" says to me that her ex has been a part of her life in ways that either you were not aware of or ways that were inappropriate for a married woman.

Being the father of her kids he will probably have a part in their life and that is fine, but it sounds like there was more going on. And if she is that heartless that she "finally" let this happen after experiencing a miscarriage, then that raises a lot of questions and red flags about her that I won't even get into right now.

I am really sorry you are going through this man. You're one of the nicest people I've ever met on here and you don't deserve this at all. As horrible as this is right now, you're going to be better off if she would do something like this to you. Hopefully realizing that will help you get through this.

I wanted to go more into this, but was waiting to use my laptop, instead of cell phone.

So it's something I've mentioned before in the Whatcha Gettin threads in the Pop Culture forum. The youngest kids dad went the first three and a half years not seeing him, due to the wife having a restraining order against him. She left him, when she was something like 7 months pregnant, due to how he was to the older kid and her, which in part is why I don't get this*, given their history.

Anyway, I say finally, as he was trying to get back with her before the wife and I got married, she turned him down, showed me the messages and everything, and because he he didn't like getting rejected, purposely went eight months without seeing his son. Another time, after he started having visits and they were talking more, she started venting to him about how she wasn't getting pregnant and he "jokingly" offered to help, which at that point, she again turned him down.

*I say in part, but I know why, or at least, she pretty much hinted at it anyway, when we spent the better part of the last few days talking.

She want's another baby, more than anything, it's something we've discussed it on and off, for the majority of our relationship. She needs help via medicine with ovulating, despite us doing stuff, it wasn't working. After a few months, I ended up giving my sperm to be tested at a fertility clinic, with everything being good with my count.

There was so many times, she would show me FB posts from friends, who were either announcing they were pregnant, or posting pictures of their new born babies, instead of being happy for her friends, I could see how much it hurt her/made her depressed, knowing she wasn't the one making that kind of announcement. The miscarriage was the first and only time she actually got pregnant, with us trying, unlike with the two boys, where she got pregnant pretty much right away, with no problem with them, with their respective dads.

Jul 18, 2024 3:13:27 GMT Lony said:

Jul 17, 2024 15:40:51 GMT RT said:

Maybe I am making some wild assumptions but this right here tells me that she was planning an out already and recent events just gave her an excuse to leave. Saying "finally" says to me that her ex has been a part of her life in ways that either you were not aware of or ways that were inappropriate for a married woman.

Being the father of her kids he will probably have a part in their life and that is fine, but it sounds like there was more going on. And if she is that heartless that she "finally" let this happen after experiencing a miscarriage, then that raises a lot of questions and red flags about her that I won't even get into right now.

I am really sorry you are going through this man. You're one of the nicest people I've ever met on here and you don't deserve this at all. As horrible as this is right now, you're going to be better off if she would do something like this to you. Hopefully realizing that will help you get through this.

I wanted to go more into this, but was waiting to use my laptop, instead of cell phone.

So it's something I've mentioned before in the Whatcha Gettin threads in the Pop Culture forum. The youngest kids dad went the first three and a half years not seeing him, due to the wife having a restraining order against him. She left him, when she was something like 7 months pregnant, due to how he was to the older kid and her, which in part is why I don't get this*, given their history.

Anyway, I say finally, as he was trying to get back with her before the wife and I got married, she turned him down, showed me the messages and everything, and because he he didn't like getting rejected, purposely went eight months without seeing his son. Another time, after he started having visits and they were talking more, she started venting to him about how she wasn't getting pregnant and he "jokingly" offered to help, which at that point, she again turned him down.

*I say in part, but I know why, or at least, she pretty much hinted at it anyway, when we spent the better part of the last few days talking.

She want's another baby, more than anything, it's something we've discussed it on and off, for the majority of our relationship. She needs help via medicine (Letrozole) with ovulating, despite us doing stuff, it wasn't working. After a few months, I ended up giving my sperm to be tested at a fertility clinic, with everything being good with my count.

There was so many times, she would show me FB posts from friends, who were either announcing they were pregnant, or posting pictures of their new born babies, instead of being happy for her friends, I could see how much it hurt her/made her depressed, knowing she wasn't the one making that kind of announcement. The miscarriage was the first and only time she actually got pregnant, with us trying, unlike with the two boys, where she got pregnant pretty much right away, with no problem with them, with their respective dads.

Maybe the reason she can’t get pregnant, is because of her body now. She already had 2 children, maybe she should love them and take care of them rather than wanting another child. It sounds like she is leaving you because she wants someone to knock her up, I sincerely hope she doesn’t end up with another child.
Also if she really loved you and wanted another child so badly, ADOPT. Sounds like she sucks I’m sorry to say.
You deserve so much better than this.

How old was she Lony ?
One of the crazy things these days is the way they tell women that they can delay having children to later in life, women's fertility drops off almost like a cliff as a woman reaches her mid 30s.

I think you dodged a bullet mate, any woman who would return to a man that threatened or showed violence towards her children should be beneath your contempt. Unfortunately some people are really broken and her attraction to a bad boy and her manipulation of you is a terrible narrative of her character. Do all her children have different fathers? That's a bit of a red flag in itself.

In my news... I had a vasectomy today, it was a no scalpel local anaesthetic one that should have taken 5 minutes but was a shocking 55 minutes of genital oragami that I would sooner forget...

Jul 18, 2024 4:41:54 GMT iNCY said:

In my news... I had a vasectomy today, it was a no scalpel local anaesthetic one that should have taken 5 minutes but was a shocking 55 minutes of genital oragami that I would sooner forget...

Let me know the recovery goes. I want to get the procedure done but rather not have to take time off work if I don’t have to.

Jul 18, 2024 5:13:33 GMT System said:

Jul 18, 2024 4:41:54 GMT iNCY said:

In my news... I had a vasectomy today, it was a no scalpel local anaesthetic one that should have taken 5 minutes but was a shocking 55 minutes of genital oragami that I would sooner forget...

Let me know the recovery goes. I want to get the procedure done but rather not have to take time off work if I don’t have to.

It was meant to be a 4 minutes and back to work deal. Mine was one of the worst he's ever done apparently.